Baby Reindeer wisdom: The nice guy backstory

When writing this, I’d just finished watching episode 6 of Baby Reindeer. One of my previous clients Ian put me on to this. He just said, “You got to check out this guy. He’s got a nice guy syndrome for sure!” Firstly, full props to Richard Gadd for creating this program where he acts as himself, because he’s just so Read More

Why do Nice Guys cheat?

It’s surprisingly common for guys with Nice Guy Syndrome to have affairs and betray their partners. In fact, people pleaser types in general have a habit of harming those they care about the most, moreso than people who are generally more assertive or even selfish. Ironically, while selfish or narcissistic people often do big short-term damage, it’s the Nice Guys Read More

The weird urge for Nice Guys to self harm

A weird part of Nice Guy Syndrome is what I call “the masochism impulse”; the desire to do self harm. Now it’s not classic self-harm behaviours, like cutting yourself or attempting suicide. It’s more subtle, like random risk-taking behaviours, provoking potential conflicts, sabotaging your career, or eating unhealthy food and taking drugs. I used to drink so much that it Read More

Can nice guys attract a woman?

A question about Nice Guys I see asked a lot is, can a nice guy actually attract a woman? Do guys with nice guy syndrome actually have dating experiences and get into relationships? The answer is of course they do, but not all of them. Only a certain type. Most nice guys struggle when it comes to dating and relationships. Read More

Nice Guy Costs: 5 Reasons Pleasing Others Comes at a Price

In this episode of the “How to Heart” podcast, Vincent delves into the complexities of the “nice guy syndrome” alongside expert Dan Munro. Munro shares his journey of overcoming the nice guy syndrome, tracing its roots back to childhood trauma and the need for validation. Emphasizing the importance of honesty and authenticity, Munro explores the challenges of breaking free from Read More

The Cure to Nice Guy Syndrome

Nice Guy Syndrome is a highly prevalent mental illness, and as yet completely unrecognised by the authorities in psychological science. So it’s up to amateurs like me to provide support. While every Nice Guy presents with different symptoms and issues, and needs a different treatment plan from others to recover, there are some general recovery principles that have worked well Read More

Nice Guy Narcissism: The hidden selfish motives behind people pleasing

Nice Guys and people pleasers give the appearance of being self-sacrificing, altruistic, and intensely concerned with the wellbeing of others. It’s hard to imagine that they’re motives are complete selfish and that they don’t really care about other people. Especially because they see themselves as giving people as well. But as a recovering Nice Guy and coach, I can confirm Read More

Nice Guys with an Avoidant Attachment Style

Most of the Nice Guys I’ve worked with show evidence of primarily having an Avoidant Attachment Style (though some are Anxious and none are Secure). This leads to difficulties in creating deep connections, expressing darker emotions, and generally being honest and open. In this video, we’ll explore the connection between Nice Guy Syndrome and Avoidant Attachment, and talk about how Read More

What causes someone to become a Nice Guy?

Check out the full Nice Guy Syndrome Recovery & Social Confidence Building course here: Or email to inquire about more personal support or coaching. Nice Guy Syndrome – sometimes known as People Pleasing Syndrome – is becoming widely known these days as a serious mental disorder affecting many men, possibly even a majority. By why is it that Read More

Why You Need to Stop People Pleasing Right Now!

Check out the full Nice Guy Syndrome Recovery & Social Confidence Building course here: Or email me for more support This video is an excerpt from the above-mentioned online course. Far too often, people pleasing is dismissed as a superficial habit that shouldn’t be taken too seriously. And yet, for nice guys and people pleasers, this behaviour hides Read More

Why people pleasers struggle to recover from illness

I’m currently trying to heal from “long” Covid, and one of my biggest challenges is that I can’t let myself recover. I keep getting up to do shit, trying to be a loving supportive husband and father. And every time I do something, I delay my recovery. I can feel it. I get sicker again. I add another few days Read More

The “Strong Independent Person” is a myth

One thing that nice guys and people pleasers have in common is they like to think of themselves as “independent”. They take pride in this independence, in being self-sufficient. This can be a response to childhood trauma. Relying on others harmed us considerably, so we came to the conclusion that it’s just safer to do it all ourselves. This is Read More


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