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What’s the point in worrying?

I noticed something with a client of mine (and in my own life) about worrying, and that is if I’m worrying about something then I must have a deeper belief that worrying is somehow a good idea, that it’s helpful. I’ve realized working with clients that so many people have this belief because they make no attempt to challenge their Read More

How to deal with your reputation being attacked

A new client of mine is going through what I call “the transition phase”, where you move from a dishonest life to an honest one, and you have to dismantle the old life by telling everyone the truth and revealing the secrets you’ve been keeping and so on. I won’t share the personal details, but he came clean with someone Read More

Don’t Let People Rush You

One of the sneaky tricks people are often going to use to manipulate you is creating a false sense of urgency. This happens a lot in marketing, like, “For a limited time only” and so on. Or somebody just saying, “Quick, what do you think we should do?” or at the last minute someone throwing a new curveball that you Read More

I’m not perfect

Every now and then I’ll share something I’m struggling with my clients. I try to be open and honest in my sessions. And their response is quite often surprise! I’ve come to realize that because I’m always putting out content like this – giving advice and guidance that people actually do find quite helpful and effective – it can give Read More

How to be spiritual… without being weird or religious

I’m an atheist – I’ve never believed in a god. I’m a follower of science; I believe that scientific method is the best way to find the truth about something. I’m a materialist – I don’t believe in souls and spirits and things beyond the material realm – I believe everything that exists can be measured somehow. So where does Read More

Do you react to stress like a toddler?

You can tell when a toddler is over-stimulated or over-tired. They’re really hyperactive. They want to do all sorts of stuff and they flick through dozens of ideas. They’re bursting with brittle, manic energy, and are clearly one step away from a proper meltdown. Yet if you suggest they should have a nap or rest quietly, they resist with everything Read More

Stop chasing people!

Look, I don’t know who needs to hear this and I’m certainly not saying anything original here – it’s been said many times before – but in case you missed it: You should never be chasing people, ever! A healthy confident person who would enhance your life is never going to play “hard to get”. Any attempts to string you Read More

A feminist journalist triggered my Imposter Syndrome

Let’s talk about Imposter Syndrome. If this term is new to you, it basically describes the self-doubting fear that you are secretly a fraud, and that you’ll be exposed if you’re not careful, even though you’re trying your best to provide value and have no evidence to suggest that you are deceiving anyone or lacking in skill. When I first Read More

The Avalanche Threat: Fear’s sneaky trick

One of the many sneaky tricks that fear plays on us is a kind of catastrophizing that I’ve come to call The Avalanche Threat. It’s the terrifying sense that if you even take a tiny little step in a direction of change, you’ll create an Avalanche; a knock-on effect of uncontrollable consequences that you won’t be able to stop. And Read More

The weird reason why your ego holds you back

You’re going to find that life gets a lot simpler when you understand one secret truth about the brain: Its primary goal is to conserve energy. There’s nothing the brain wants more than to do less. I often help my coaching clients see that fear, for example, is not actually focused on safety. Fear often leads us to miss opportunities Read More

Acceptance is not Tolerance

I see a lot of people pleasers struggling with disrespect; putting up with bad behavior from other people simply because they understand why the bad behavior is happening. They have an tolerance for being treated poorly when they understand that the person is acting out of trauma or mental illness, or they believe the other person thinks they have a Read More

Alexithymia: How to start expressing emotions

A lot of the Nice Guys I work with suffer from alexithymia: the inability to both identify and express emotions; the inability to put feelings into words. This causes a breakdown in their ability to create intimate connections. It’s impossible to connect with other people without emotion, right? Hard as it may be to believe, connections are not created on Read More

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