You’re like a chameleon, changing who you are to suit the environment.

If you’re with your partner, you try to be the easygoing guy.

When you’re hanging with friends, you try to be the cool funny guy.

In a meeting with your boss, you try to appear conscientious, intelligent and reliable.

You worry what people will think, adjust to what you believe they want you to be, and then adapt as you go along.

All to prevent conflict: anger, disappointment, confusion, frustration, disapproval, and any other emotion that might make them dislike you.

You tell yourself that you’re a Good Person for “always making people happy”. But really, you’re mostly trying to avoiding upsetting people.

You’ve grown up terrified of confrontation and being hated, so as an adult you do anything you can to prevent that from happening.

You end up secretly resenting the people you’re being nice to.

And the crazy thing about all this? It doesn’t even work! You still end up being disliked, alone, and in conflict.

What if this was all as simple as changing your mindset? 

Imagine how much easier life would be if you didn’t have to manage other people and constantly protect yourself from disapproval.

In this video, I break down the confident mindset you need to recover from Nice Guy Syndrome and to stop compulsively people pleasing:

Watch: The most confident mindset for nice guy recovery

Obviously, this one video won’t totally change your life. But it will give you a guiding North Star: a compass you can use to realign your beliefs and your behaviour towards generous confidence rather than fake people pleasing.

At least that way you only have to learn to build courage to make the changes.

There’s a systematic way to move from being a Nice Guy who never gets his needs met into a confident man who goes for what he wants and doesn’t fear disapproval.

The journey begins when you realise that being “nice” isn’t actually the same as being a good person.

NEXT: Do You Feel Like the Only Alternative to Being Nice is to Be A Jerk?