One of my clients had an amazing insight: having an Avoidant Attachment Style means you don’t trust your own “police force”. Avoidant attachment is where you resist and prevent intimacy. The oversimplified definition: you have trauma from childhood because people close to you hurt you in some way, which you took to mean “don’t let people get close to you”. Read More

I’ve calculated that the most time I’ve wasted in my life is the time spent sitting around wishing that the situation I was in wasn’t happening. It’s such a time-suck being angry and upset about the so-called obstacle, setback, barrier, or thing that “shouldn’t happen”. With a daughter who struggles to sleep and a wife beset by health issues and Read More

I’ve deliberately avoided speaking about the Palestine/Israel thing for a couple of reasons. One reason is because I made a commitment to myself to only make content that helps my clients, and not go off on political rants, and the other is because the more I hear about the situation, the more I realise that I don’t really know what’s Read More

If you’re a people pleaser or a nice guy, you’ll often find that you’re held back by the idea of: “What will people think of me?” So whether it’s speaking your mind or engaging in some endeavour that’s brave and bold, what will hold you back is this catastrophic idea of being negatively judged by other people, leading to mockery, Read More

Whenever I diss the Red Pill approach of giving up on relationships and thinking that women are terrible, I inevitably get somebody quite reasonably comment that they’ve tried their best but they’ve had nothing but terrible experiences with women. So why shouldn’t they believe this? They’re in their 40s or 50s now, they’ve been divorced and taken for all they’ve Read More

A challenging thing to consider is the difference between being right and being effective. Being right is that state where you feel that you hold the moral high ground, that your view of the world is the view of the world, and you’ll cling to it, you’ll even die for it if you need to. You’ll know you’re here when Read More

Do you absolutely hate getting compliments? There might be a surprising reason for this. Today’s message is especially for people who hate compliments, and also reject other positive feedback, ignore their strengths, undermine their achievements, focus on negative feedback, and ruminate on their failures. This is for you if you often talk to yourself negatively and imagine that people are Read More

One of the most difficult psychological traps to avoid is what I call The Hole. You might think of it as the self-pity party: you’re getting down a bit, maybe you’ve had some bad luck or maybe you’re in a bad mood (usually a combination of both) and it seems like it’s just getting worse and worse. And it’s very Read More

You must kill the boy so that the man may emerge. There’s a problem I often see, where people are trying to develop themselves and live with more integrity and be more confident, yet they still want to keep all the old stuff from their former life. Things like their old job and long term friendships and hobbies from childhood. Read More

A lot of people consider themselves to be “lazy” in general, or they’ll call themselves lazy when they procrastinate on an important task. Yet when was the last time you asked yourself, “What does ‘lazy’ mean?” When you call yourself lazy, you imply that you have some sort of permanent character defect, like this is a personality problem that can’t Read More

What I often see in Red Pill* forums is a narrative about how getting into relationship with a woman is a bad idea, despite strong evidence all around us that loving relationships bring more meaning and joy than any other endeavour. I see that they’ve fallen victim to something that plagued me for much of my life, which is the Read More

As nearly every philosophy over time has identified, there’s nothing more painful – nothing that causes more suffering – than wishing for a reality that does not exist. I call this “thrashing in a chair”. Imagine you’ve been kidnapped and securely tied to a chair. Now, if you stay completely still, as if you chose to sit in the chair, Read More