You’re at the same old cross-roads again.
You can either be “nice”, which usually means sacrificing what you want and hiding your truth, leading to resentment, loss of opportunities, and lower self worth.
Or, you can be a jerk, and selfishly do what you want while hurting everyone else and hating yourself for being a bad person.
It feels like those are the only two options. And so – being a “Good Person” – you sacrifice yourself one more time, taking comfort in the idea that at least you’re not a jerk.
Right?
Wrong!
There are two problems with this type of thinking.
First, there are more options on the table. Being Nice or Nasty are not the only two.
And secondly, being Nice isn’t as “good” as you think it is.
This is why you feel trapped in a CAN’T WIN situation. Deep down you know being Nice doesn’t create satisfying long term relationships, loyal friendships, a robust career, or high self worth.
But you also don’t allow yourself to explore more assertive, bold, and self-serving options.
You never get to discover a way that’s healthy and best for everyone in the long term.
Learn more about breaking out of this Nice vs Jerk mindset in this video:
Watch: Do You Feel Like the Only Alternative to Being Nice is to Be A Jerk
Maybe you tried being a Jerk. I know I did.
In my mid-20s, I’d had enough of always finishing last, as they say.
So I switched to being selfish, manipulative, and focused on getting my needs met.
I just ended up feeling awful about myself. After a while, I just went back to being Nice. At least then I didn’t hate what I was doing.
Like you, I was blind to the third option of being a Confident Man.
Neither Nice nor Nasty, a healthy man is able to get his needs met and take care of himself while simultaneously providing the best long-term care and role-modelling to others.
He doesn’t need to worry about sacrificing himself for others, because he knows the way he lives serves them powerfully.
You’ve been trained and conditioned to think your needs are unworthy, and that it somehow harms others for you to put yourself first.
You’re like a fish who doesn’t know what water is – you’re stuck in the Nice Guy Universe, where everything not “nice” is bad.
You need to see things from another perspective.
Soon, I’ll share the complete system that breaks you out of the Nice Guy Universe and lets you see the world of the Integral Man – healthy relationships, strong boundaries, high self worth, and an abundance of RESPECT.