Big, stark truth: most people are not self-aware. Now, what does self-aware mean? For me, it’s a very simple definition: your reported self matches your consistent behavioral patterns. That is—you are what you say you are, and what you think you are. Now, who you are isn’t actually something you can measure very accurately—but other people could. Essentially, if the Read More

If you want to get good at exercise, do it every day for 30 days until it becomes the new normal. Then you’ll feel more comfortable exercising than not. After that, you can dial up the amount of exercise you’re doing. But first, just get it repeatedly on the ticket. I often say to my clients: the most important variable Read More

Let’s talk about managing a counterattack, especially when it’s done with manipulative intent, in an effort to show that you are not in a position above them to give commentary on their behaviour, to gaslight you into believing that you don’t have a right to set a boundary because you’re either a hypocrite for doing the exact same behaviour, or Read More

One of the things you’ve always got to remember when somebody counterattacks you during a confrontation is this: if they really had a problem with the issue they are bringing up now, they would have brought it up earlier. It’s just too much of a coincidence that now is the time they think to bring it up. This is how Read More

One of the most common tactics you’re going to deal with, when faced with someone who’s resistant to being challenged or obeying boundaries—someone who’s deliberately disrespectful—is for them to turn the tables and attack you while you’re trying to confront them about their behaviour. You can also expect this kind of behaviour from people who have temporarily lost control of Read More

Why do we succumb to a bully, an abusive boss, or a narcissistic partner when we know that it doesn’t go well for us in the long run? Well, the truth is, as simple as it is devastating, we just want to avoid emotional discomfort. It’s not that we decide to allow ourselves to be manipulated, it’s that the manipulation Read More

I can yell at you, guilt trip you, gaslight you, and flatter you all day long. If it doesn’t change your behaviour, then no manipulation actually took place. As soon as I can create an emotional state that you decide you can’t handle—which is a lie you tell yourself—and you change your behaviour to get away from that emotional state, Read More

The one thing a manipulator doesn’t want to work with is a person who backs themselves because that’s the hardest person to manipulate. Why? Because the key to manipulation is self-doubt. In order to move you, I need you to be at least a little unsure about your own ideas, so I can insert my own ideas. If you’re very Read More

“Good people get tired of giving to ungrateful people” This meme has been doing the rounds, and it always get a largely positive response in the comments section. Evidently, there are lots of people who feel unappreciated for their efforts to improve the lives of others. Which is why I found it strange that I seemed to be the only Read More

Is it worth it? Is it really better overall to let people push you around, or would it be better to be confident in yourself and occasionally deal with a bad reaction? Look, reactions can be bad. You might lose your job—but it was probably a bad job anyway. Your partner might leave you, but in that case, it wasn’t Read More

Imagine this: You’re in a room, standing in the middle. There’s a door on the left and a door on the right. Through the door on the left comes a man, who, without saying a word to you, sets the left-hand wall on fire. You stand there, starting to feel the heat from the fire. This man hasn’t spoken to Read More

No matter which method you use, there’s no such thing as 100% certainty about someone’s intent. If you get it wrong, the results can be disastrous. If you think someone has good intentions, you might let an evil person into your life. Their main manipulation tactic is to convince you that their intentions are good. On the other hand, you Read More