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Why Being Hard on Yourself is Pointless

Nearly every client I’ve ever worked with is too hard on themselves. They emphasize their weaknesses and downplay (or outright dismiss) their strengths. They ruminate on their “failures” and barely notice their wins. They constantly imagine how they could have done things better, or faster, or more successfully in some way, and punish themselves ruthlessly for falling short. And when Read More

Getting Respect: What Boundary Setting is All About

This video is an excerpt from my new course: Healthy Boundaries in Relationships, Friendships and Work This video emphasizes the importance of self-respect in setting boundaries, arguing that getting one’s ‘why’ correct is crucial for effective confrontations. We’ll explore the need to replace the desire for control with the desire to respect oneself and live by one’s core values. In Read More

The “Drop In” Life Planning Exercise

The “Drop In” technique is a simple exercise I made up to help you figure out what you would do with your life if you weren’t held back by fear, previous obligations, and whatever programmed identity you’ve been clinging to. It’s pretty simple: how it works is you imagine that you’ve literally just been dropped into this life, right now. Read More

They know you’re lying…

There’s something I want you to pay attention to. I want you to notice that when someone is not being completely real with you, you’re aware of it. Let’s say you ask them if they want to come to your party, and they say, “Oh, I’m a bit busy that night, I might have some stuff on”, and you just Read More

Baby Reindeer wisdom: The nice guy backstory

When writing this, I’d just finished watching episode 6 of Baby Reindeer. One of my previous clients Ian put me on to this. He just said, “You got to check out this guy. He’s got a nice guy syndrome for sure!” Firstly, full props to Richard Gadd for creating this program where he acts as himself, because he’s just so Read More

What the New Zealand Lottery reveals about human insecurity

I saw on the news the other day that New Zealanders had spent $1.4 million in 1 week on lottery tickets. $1.4 million that could have been invested in themselves or at the very least spent on something sensible, wasted on pointless gambling. This is the human drive to seek the quick fix, the instant gratification, the dream of putting Read More

A confidence building measurement trick

My clients can usually split into 2 different categories: There are those who aren’t doing enough in terms of living with integrity, and that’s why they have confidence problems. And then there are others who are doing enough, but they measure themselves as not doing enough so their measurement system kills their confidence. And these people are the ones I Read More

Why we’re so uncomfortable with boredom

Some of my earliest memories include being uncomfortable with boredom. I would whine and complain to my mother than I had “nothing to do”. She would suggest things like drawing or playing outside, and I would resist these ideas without exception. It’s like I felt the need to do something yet simultaneously didn’t want to do anything. Back then I Read More

Building Self-Respect: The Foundation of Healthy Boundaries

This is an excerpt from my new course: Healthy Boundaries in Relationships, Friendships and Work In this video, we explore the importance of self-respect in setting and maintaining healthy boundaries. People can only respect you as much as you respect yourself, and that lack of assertiveness can lead to others taking advantage of your space without your consent. This video highlights Read More

Respect relationships with an STD check

A client of mine went through with the very uncomfortable act of getting an STD check. Nobody likes doing that do they? He didn’t have any symptoms or anything, but he had started seeing a new girl and he wanted to get a check, both out of respect to her and because it was an act of courage for himself. Read More

How reduce stress and anxiety with Stoicism

I think it was Seneca the Stoic who said, “We suffer far more in imagination than we do in reality.” I think he was referring to this insistence we have of trying to solve problems that do not exist, problems we have conjured up in our minds to pointlessly fantasize about. One of the most powerfully practical things a person Read More

What is fear of success?

A lot of people think they have a fear of failure, and that they’re quite okay with success. But I’ve often found that when I dig into this with one of my clients, they’re far more afraid of success than they are of failure. It’s like they’ve been tricked by their brain. When we think of failure, we think of Read More

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