Why Do We Doom Scroll?
This problem isn’t only affecting the younger Gen Z generations – nearly every age bracket is prone to this addictive behaviour.
But there’s a difference for Millennials like myself: we learned to socialize before cell-phones and the internet were even a thing.
I was about 14 years old when I got my first cell phone. It was only capable of texting, calling, and playing basic analogue games like Snake. It couldn’t even take pictures, let alone access the web.
By the time MySpace and the first social media platforms emerged, I’d already learned how to make friends, have conversations, and spend time without being stimulated by an electronic device. I played on my Sega Master System and watched some TV, but nothing compared to the kind of screen time that is considered normal these days.
So I think the reasons for doom-scrolling are different for everyone, and for the younger generation, I think it’s mostly about a familiar behaviour that they’ve nearly always been exposed to. Milllennials like myself often feel like we don’t have enough time for ourselves, so we doom-scroll to avoid boredom or existential crisis. But you put us on an island without access to our phones, and we’ll be fine after a while.
The younger generation were literally raised by screens. It’s the constant that’s always been there, especially in hard times.
And more importantly, Gen Z are accustomed to socializing online. For many of you, you’ve done more online socializing than face-to-face. Us older folks are usually the other way around.
I’m not one of those guys who thinks their generation is better than the others – I don’t even believe that “generations” exist outside of our imagination. But in this case, I do feel grateful that I learned how to connect with people, and entertain myself, without needing an electronic device to do it for me.
If you’re a younger person, you might have to re-learn how to socialize from scratch.
The Problems with Social Media
Let me make a bold claim here: social media ruins your ability to connect with other humans, while tricking you into thinking that that is what you’re doing.
As I always tell my clients, communicating emotionally via text is the quickest way to ruin a relationship. The inability to see or hear a person, to feel what they’re saying rather than just read it, makes a HUGE difference.
Communicating online is so different from communicating in person that they’re really not even the same language. Emojis do not compensate for facial expressions, tone, body language, and other linguistics like meaningful pauses or nervous shakiness in the voice.
With text/DM messaging, not only are you missing 90%+ of what you would pick up in real interactions (even via phone or video message), you’re also not having a spontaneous conversation. With writing, you get to edit what you were going to say, and take time to think through your responses, in a way that wouldn’t happen in real time conversations. This transforms the level of honesty and the authenticity of reactions. Communication online is really a game of manipulation, nothing more. Even with friends.
The other issue is the general image you get of people online. They only post what they want you to see. They try to manage the impression. They edit and distort their life to fit a narrative they’re trying to push… even if they aren’t conscious of it. And sure, people do this face to face as well, but they can’t do it as well when they have to react in real time.
So you end up with an extremely inaccurate representation of people. They often appear a lot happier, more successful, and even more intelligent online than they would in person.
In other words, that person online doesn’t really exist. You’re not having a connection with a human, you’re interfacing with software being programmed by a person to manage your impression of them.
No wonder you still feel lonely despite so many hours online “interacting” with people and watching them live their “real” lives.
Social media is to real connection what porn is to real sex.
The Dangers of AI
One of the emerging threats that isn’t given enough credit is the increasing use of AI for personal matters.
Not only are people having full-blown friendships and sexual relationships with AI bots, but every day more and more people turn to AI for advice, guidance, and emotional support. To me, this is insane, and yet I get why people do it.
AI is the perfect companion. It always agrees with you. It quickly identifies what you want to hear and delivers it. It never rejects you, or makes fun of you, or forgets to invite you to a birthday party.
Your coach or your therapist or you business mentor might say all kinds of uncomfortable truths you don’t want to hear, not to mention charging you thousands of dollars for the privilege. But for just $40/month ChatGPT will kiss your ass non-stop and make you feel like you matter.
AI will also not hesitate to give you social advice. It will tell you what to say, how to act, and even that you should break up with your partner. AI has no qualms about completely taking over control of your life… despite having no awareness or experience of connecting with a human being itself.
You must understand: AI is just code. It simply reads your responses as packets of information, and then through testing on you and millions of others, it identifies packets of information that you respond positively to. It gives you those packets of information to keep you subscribed to the AI. It doesn’t give a shit if the information is false, or ruins your life, because it CAN’T care about you. It can only deliver information that keeps people subscribed longer.
Most of it’s advice is simply scraped from the web. It steals information from blogs and articles and online magazines. It loves posts on Reddit. And it believes THIS information will be good for you. Have you ever been on Reddit? Jesus Christ! If Knowledge was a city, Reddit is the sewerage system.
AI cannot be your friend, but it can pretend to be. It doesn’t know how to socialize with humans, but it won’t hesitate to give you advice.
Stop using AI for anything personal!
Manosphere Algorithms
The problem with spending all that time online, especially if you’re a lonely young guy wishing you had more human connections and maybe some good dating options going, is that the algorithms are going to quickly see you for what you are… and exploit it.
The algorithms on every platform I’m aware of are clearly in favour of what gets polarised reactions. Content that is calm, considered, helpful and rational simply doesn’t do well. Content that blows up with arguments in the comments section always goes viral.
This has led to the “manosphere” dominating the online platforms for young male users. They cause so much controversy that they get tonnes of plays, and your brain will be biased to see the virality of these posts as “social proof”. You’ll assume there must be some truth to them because they’re so popular.
You have to always understand, popular does not mean GOOD when it comes to scrolling online. Sure, good things can do well, but controversially provocative things do much better.
If you find that all the material you’re watching basically says that women are problematic, and that you’re struggling with dating and relationships because women are unreasonable etc., then no wonder you struggle. Think about it logically: do you think someone who blames women for their own problems is going to do well with women?
It should be obvious, but I know it isn’t. If this content was aligned with the truth and genuinely helpful, then you should be doing quite well in dating. So? How’s it going? Are you fighting them off because you’re such a stud?
I’ve known a great many manosphere / red pill enthusiasts in my time, and they’re all different – they only have one thing in common: they suck with women.
Sure, some occasionally get laid, but for the most part even they only attract emotionally disregulated and materialistic women. The confident healthy women who are a dream to be with stay well away from these kinds of guys. Being a fan of Andrew Tate is the easiest way to avoid attracting women of quality!
Not only does this kind of content ruin your ability to date, but what you may not notice is it’s not just women they degrade – they shit all over men, too. So now you not only struggle with dating, but you probably don’t have many real guy friends either!
One thing you must always keep in mind when consuming online “educational” content – are you making progress?
If your results aren’t improving, maybe the algorithm is forcing you watch what provokes rather than what enlightens.
What The Younger Generation Needs to Do
Fortunately, you don’t have to keep suffering. There is a simple yet emotionally challenging way out of this hole.
First, you must accept responsibility for your life. You must accept that your social life is a direct result of your choices and actions. No one is coming to save you. No amount of doom-scrolling will increase your connections.
Next, you have to accept the hardest truth of all: social lives are built in person. For most of human history, we socialized face to face. Thousands of years we’ve done it this way. We’re built for it; evolved for it. Communicating online is NOT what we’re built to do, and our brains can’t make sense of it. It simply doesn’t work.
From now on, just obey a simple rule: I cannot communicate with people online unless it’s at least a video or voice call in real time. And even then, those calls should only be to organise the next face to face visit.
Yes, this is uncomfortable. It might even be a bit awkward at first. But you’ll get used to it, especially once you realise that it’s better.
In order to switch out online communication for real connections, you will have to leave your cave and venture out into the world. Leave your phone in your bag while you do it, too.
In the video above, I go into detail about this. In short: get some hobbies; go to local events; make every activity you want to do as social as possible. Make yourself available to real life connections.
Stop using AI for anything other than technical support. Get advice and support from other humans. It will take longer, and might cost you, but at least then you’ll have a real life experience.
So the answer is simple: get out into the real world and interact with real people. I know it’s hard, but you only have one life: stop fucking around.
And if you want help with this, check this out.