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Why you must set boundaries EARLY

A little while back I did a podcast on divorce.

In preparation for that podcast, I did a deep dive into the research and statistics around divorce, and discovered what I’ve I suspected all along from my coaching work: that the problems develop very early on in the relationship.

It’s usually in the first three to six months, the honeymoon phase, where things start to go wrong. The “Halo effect” causes us to overlook red flags and other issues, while the desperate need to “make it work” becomes justification for avoiding confrontation.

Even when a marriage breaks down after 20 years, it usually had problems that weren’t dealt with properly at the beginning, and they gradually escalated into resentment, criticism, boredom, and eventually contempt.

The main problem I see is that the people weren’t actually the right fit for each other, but they were so desperate for a relationship that they forced the round peg into the square hole.

Other times, it’s more around lack of boundaries. People refuse or are reluctant to set boundaries in the early phase because they don’t want to “ruin” the vibe, and so bad precedents are set that eventually snowball into disaster.

So set your boundaries early. Risk ruining the good time.

It’ll be worth it.

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One Response

  1. The simplest way to do this is ensure you’re always completely honest about your preferences, and never be falsely agreeable

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