The “Pick Your Battles” narrative is interpreted by Nice Guys as don’t fight any battles at all.
They use this narrative to make it sound as if they’re being kind of philosophical: “You know, some things aren’t worth it. You got to choose the things that are important.”
But, if you watch their behaviour, what you’ll see is that they don’t find anything that’s important. They don’t find anything to fight for and it’s all just a glaze. It’s all just a mask that they use to look noble when they’re actually being cowards.
The other main reason that this kind of men, afraid of their wives and their own behaviour, takes place is the foregone conclusion that being assertive will definitely create what they call “negativity”, negative emotions, bad results.
This, of course, is by default not worth the effort.
They think it’s harmful to be assertive. They think it’s just so not worth trying. Why would you throw money away on something that isn’t valuable? Why would you assert yourself if it only harms the relationship?
To dive deeper into this topic, check out the original video here:
4 Responses
To dive deeper into this topic, check out the original video here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WvK9iH0G7tY
I’m married to a people pleaser. In crowds, with family or any social gathering he’s wonderful always helping people, making people laugh and agreeable. He’s like this whole different person that I don’t recognise. When I asked him what does he get out of being fake with people he simply replied he lives of it to stay happy as he wants everyone to like him and praise him. Initially I had no issues with this. But it’s starting to make feel depressed as he’s the complete opposite with me. At home he barely says a sentence, he never offers help when he sees me struggling and always belittling me at home and in front of people as a joke. When I brought this up he said he doesnt need to be fake with me, I mean I dont expect him to be fake with me but he has no idenity. He offers up my services to others without asking me and expects me to behave like him with others so that others will praise me therefore, praise him in return. How do I deal with a people pleasing person in my marriage? It’s destroying me and my marriage.
Hi Taqia, sorry to hear you’re going through this. You’ll need to be firm with him about how this is destroying the marriage and he’s going to lose you.
You could start by asking him to watch this: https://theinspirationallifestyle.com/why-people-pleasers-hurt-the-ones-they-love-most/
And then maybe you could both watch this one: https://theinspirationallifestyle.com/how-to-overcome-nice-guy-syndrome-in-a-long-term-relationship/
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