Once I discovered the power of honesty, I was almost immediately struck with the question, “Why aren’t more people doing this?”
I felt like I’d discovered the formula for everything I’d ever wanted, and it baffled me that such a simple and obvious thing had not also been discovered by others. Nearly everyone around me continued to be fake and deceptive despite the obvious costs.
Upon encountering massive resistance when I challenged people’s integrity, I realised that the main reason very few people focus on becoming more honest is because they already think they are.
In a vague, kind of subconscious way, they already think of themselves as an honest person, so it doesn’t naturally occur to them that this might be something important to work on. Some believe it so strongly that they get offended by even having their honesty questioned (a sure sign that they’re clinging to an identity).
But I’ve met very few honest people in my life. And I’m looking for it. I’m measuring it carefully. I know how to test for it. I’m just not seeing it.
And yet I’ve met many people who think of themselves as honest people. There seems to be a big disconnect between self-image and actual behaviour.
I’ve come to the conclusion that we’re so obsessed with thinking of ourselves as the hero of the story, the Good Person, that we simply can’t compute our dishonesty (the hero can’t also be manipulative) so we dismiss it from our awareness with justifications and minimizations.
Here’s one way to figure out how honest you actually are:
The next time you’re around someone, particularly someone who’s not already a close safe relationship, just ask yourself a question,
“What do I NOT want them to know about me right now?”
Your answer will show you what kind of information you’re hiding. And hiding information that’s important for them to know who you really is the same thing as lying.
For a truly honest person, the answer to that question becomes the next thing they say out loud!
Boost your confidence by becoming more honest, check out my Powerful Honesty course