Why helpful people are annoying

Have you even noticed yourself finding helpful people annoying?

You might even feel guilty that you feel ungrateful in this way.

Sometimes, when someone tries to help you, either with advice or with physical actions, you feel suffocated. A resistance builds up and you feel the need to push back against it.

Why is this? Is it because you’ve got some sort of trauma about being helped?

Probably not.

One of the main reasons is because helpfulness is not all it appears to be, especially when it is unsolicited. That is, you did not directly ask for help. It’s like they’re forcing it on you, as if they’ve misunderstood what you were saying and interpreted it as a silent cry for help.

If you didn’t ask, then they’re not really coming from an altruistic place. Even if you’re complaining, you weren’t actually asking for help. And just because you’re struggling with a task doesn’t mean they have permission to intervene. Maybe you enjoy the struggle!

The reason you feel that suffocating resistance is because the other person is actually trying to control you.

They’re using “help” as a weapon to make themselves feel more comfortable, make you more convenient to them by forcing you to do things their preferred way, and to further their own reputation as a “helpful person”.

You’re absolutely right to feel resistant!

For more on this topic, check out my podcast episode “Nice Guy Syndrome Psychology: A Complete Review”

One Response

  1. Obviously, this post is aimed at challenging those of you who consider yourself to be helpful. Rather than get defensive, ask yourself, “Do I get permission to help, or do I force it on people?”

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