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Why Give Without Getting Something in Return?

Sometimes I get questioned about this giver’s gain philosophy,

e.g. “If you don’t get anything out of it, what’s the point?”

The problem is that expecting something ‘in return’ creates an internal hole, one that cannot be filled by anything external.

That empty hole inside, that people try to fill with recognition and validation, is simply the sensation / mental state of NEEDINESS.

It’s the desperation caused by a belief that you should receive a tangible, external reward, often feeling entitled to it for ‘good’ behaviour.

We are taught as we grow up that there is a cause/effect relationship between EFFORTS and REWARDS. Some of us understand this to mean that if we do good things, we will receive external recognition and reward, and that is what we should seek.

Some even believe we’re entitled to rewards just for having good thoughts, or simply being alive.

This is not true.

(I know there’s a lot of Law Of Attraction fans and other people into similar philosopies who read this blog, and I’m not arrogant enough to claim to know the pure truth about anything. I’m simply yet to see any reliable evidence that the Universe works that “want it = get it” way.)

However, there is a definite reward to be had. The true reward – that satisfied feeling you seek (the absence of neediness) – actually comes from taking the action itself, not the reaction or the result.

You are NOT guaranteed a reward from anyone or anything else just for being “good”. It was wrong of the teachers, stories, movies and mentors in your youth to allow you to believe this. This belief that we NEED to GET.

Plenty of good people go wanting, while plenty of ‘bad’ people get their needs met. Trust me, I spent years managing psychopathic murderers – they have as much fun as anyone.

This is not something to be down about. The Universe is not unfair. It’s just the system is different to what you think it is:

You get true rewards internally, not externally.

The sooner you can understand this, the closer you will come to enjoying the ACT of GIVING. This will place you in direct 100% control of your own self-worth.

Don’t believe me?

Then prove me wrong.

Go out and do 10 good things for other people, only make a real effort NOT to receive any recognition or reward. Make it anonymous, or ensure the credit goes to someone else.

Ensure YOU are the only one who can reward you for the actions.

You will quickly see that the expectation of reward is what creates the neediness in the first place. No expectation = no neediness = no feelings of missing out = space to experience true intrinsic satisfaction!

If you can’t think of any actions that fit this criteria, email me and I’ll give you some ideas.

dan@brojo.org

 

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