Before we get into this, we need to carefully define what the terms “bad boy” and “nice guy” mean.

Red Pill advocates would have you believe that a “bad boy” is basically a borderline evil personality who demonstrates the Dark Triad hyper-masculine traits of ruthlessness, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy. 

A bad boy is a man who lacks “good” traits. He is lacking in conscience; selfish; powerful; rude; manipulative; greedy; uncaring; cool; dominating and menacing; a leader; capable of violence; confrontational; hyper-sexual and promiscuous; disagreeable; unconventional.

He might be associated with things like riding motorcycles, making money in a shady semi-criminal way, getting into fights, doing drugs, bullying and teasing people relentlessly, and physical excellence.

The list goes on and on. There’s even a relatively new term called Sigma Male – the latest update to the cliched and often misused term Alpha Male. A Sigma is a successful lone wolf who does what he likes, prioritizes being respected over anything else, and has little to no emotional attachment to other people.

You get the picture.

A nice guy is often described as a man who demonstrates passive or feminine traits. Things like caring, compassion, patience, acceptance, love, submissiveness, kindness, following, subservience, conflict avoidance, moderation, self-sacrifice, sexually inert and monogamous (or celibate), and generally a bit of a pushover.

You probably associate the nice guy with being reliable, helping out even when it’s inconvenient, being the shoulder to cry on, never having a bad word to say about anything, being funny and entertaining, and achieving highly at work and areas that are considered socially acceptable.

The problem with these labels

When you believe that the above definitions accurately describe the traits that separate the bad boys from the nice guys in terms of success with women, you as a man might understandably be tempted to start behaving with more of those psychopathic bad boy traits.

However, what Red Pillers and others often fail to see is the nuance as to why these two types of men have such different results with women.

Firstly, you have to understand that research clearly shows that promiscuous psychopaths inevitably destroy their partnerships and social circles on a regular basis, and usually end up alone and unsatisfied*.

Yes, they might get laid more often, but maintaining a loving relationship is outside of their capability, and even the people they’re most likely to seduce are usually emotionally dysfunctional to a severe extent, leading to exhaustingly dramatic social lives.

Like buying a crappy car because you’re seduced by its loud engine and flashy paint job, women are attracted to bad boys because they have some of the confident traits that they prefer. A woman doesn’t actually want a dangerously harmful partner who is going to treat them like shit unless that woman has severe mental health issues.

If you’re interested, I do a full breakdown of the fallacies in seduction techniques here.

Women would actually prefer to be in a long term relationship with a man who is kind, loving, thoughtful, responsible, considerate and caring. It’s just that they want more than that.

They also need a man who has balls and a spine.

Nice guys lack the healthy masculine traits that are not only attractive but necessary to be a successful father and effective partner. Bad boys have many of these traits: assertiveness, bravery, leadership, skepticism, autonomy, and even the aggressive ruthlessness that’s occasionally required to protect our loved ones.

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The third option – being a confident man

As I’ve said many times before, both bad boys and nice guys are equally fucked up.

Bad boys are toxic or highly insecure bullies who are incapable of maintaining loving connections and masculine responsibility. They destroy their loved ones and their own lives with their compulsive manipulation and reluctance to participate in a cooperative way.

Nice guys are weak and passive, and they too are also incapable of creating loving connections due to the absolute absence of sexuality and their emotional dysfunction caused by shame. They poison relationships one small step at a time, provoking resentment, scorn and eventually contempt due to their lack of self-respect and courage.

But there’s a third option: a confident and secure man who has all of the bad boy’s masculine strengths and all of the nice guy’s feminine power but none of the insecure shit. 

He’s assertive and compassionate. He respects himself and others. He chooses his own path while considering how it will affect his loved ones and adjusting accordingly. He’ll kill for you but never uses excessive force. He can hate-fuck you or make sweet love to you depending on your current preference.

PLUS he’s got some extra traits that neither bad boys or nice guys have.

He’s honest, for a start. Both bad boys and nice guys are manipulative. They’re indirect about their inner truth whenever being transparent might compromise their preferred outcomes. Deep down, both are scared of losing. The confident man does what’s right because it’s right, regardless of outcomes.

He’s responsible. Bad boys avoid taking ownership of their lives and instead mimic this by being rebellious and contrarian. Bad boys feel they aren’t a valuable contributor and so don’t add anything to society. Nice guys do what they’re told and take the path of least resistance. Confident men decide clearly what is theirs to manage and take full ownership of it without complaining like a nice guy or bailing out like a bad boy.

He’s focused on others. Both bad boys and nice guys are self-centred to the point of narcissism. Everything they do is for their own immediate gratification and long term greedy desires. Confident men are so secure and grounded – they already have their own needs sorted out – that they are free to lead without force and care without caretaking.

So why bad boys and not nice guys?

In the end, the main answer to the title question is that the traits the bad boy has in common with a genuinely confident man – those harder masculine traits – are also the sexiest.

Ultimately, when it comes to short-term sexual rewards the bad boy is more likely to temporarily seduce a woman into thinking he’s confident (and therefore attractive), and then later end up strongly disliked, while the nice guy will be highly liked for many years or even decades but not seen as attractive sexually, and hence will spend much time in the dreaded “friendzone“.

I say, why bother being either the nice guy or the bad boy, considering both of them a) end up alone and miserable anyway, and b) require you to be fake and harmful to others?

The confident man I’m talking about is YOU. It’s who you’d actually be if you weren’t traumatized and insecure and a slave to your impulses.

You can change. You can become the confident man. You can tap into those powerful values and traits without needing to resort to the quick-fix weaker traits that bad boys and nice guys succumb to.

How you can make massive progress in just a few months!

You can do all this on your own.

Through trial and error, books, courses and online content, you can figure it out slowly piece by piece over time if you dedicate yourself to it and are willing to fail often and get uncomfortable in order to achieve social mastery and build strong self confidence.

Or…

You can work directly with me in your corner for a short period of time and achieve the same results in months that would take you YEARS on your own (or your money back!).

That’s what my confidence coaching is really all about. I accelerate your progress significantly by ensuring you:

• Overcome your fear of rejection
• Stop seeing yourself as not good enough
• Develop easy practical social communication skills while still being honest
• Unleash your masculinity to make you more assertive and attractive
• Increase your self-confidence and self-respect
• Get advanced practical tips to eliminate self-sabotage and give you the best possible chances at career advancement, dating opportunities, and deep connections with quality friends
• Help you see your blind spots and errors and develop a measurement system that you can use on your own to ensure ongoing improvement for life

It took me about 7-10 years to figure this stuff out on my own. It takes my average coaching client only about 3-6 months to achieve a level of mastery that leaves them able to continue coaching themselves to further success while feeling absolutely certain that they’re on the right path (proven by the results they get).

I’ve turned virgins into fathers.

I’ve created assertive leaders out of meek people pleasers.

I’ve released overthinkers so they become powerfully decisive.

I’ve transformed shy introverts into social connectors.

I’ve moved highly anxious and depressed guys into a world of permanent self-confidence and optimism.

You don’t need to take my word for it. You can test it out for yourself. Fill out the application form below for a FREE trial coaching session with no obligation to continue, and no sales pitch!

My coaching will either blow you away and convince you that it’s worth it, or you’ll simply spend an hour talking to me without losing anything.

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Thanks for reading

Hope to speak to you soon

Dan Munro

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Wanna escape Nice Guy Syndrome and become a confident authentic man? Take my social confidence quiz now to receive free advanced content: https://forms.gle/ZJNyBFzDGzYxMmgP7

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Citations:

* Jonason, P. K., & Lyons, M. (2014). The aging and increasingly inadequate playboy: A cross-sectional investigation of the relationships between age, mating success, and life satisfaction. Evolutionary Psychology, 12(3).