Why Being the “Helpful One” Keeps You Lonely

You are independent—and proudly independent.

You like to do everything on your own.

You think a job’s only done right if you do it yourself.

You don’t mind helping others.

In fact, you’ve got a kind of double standard about this: helping others? No problem at all. Being relied on? Being dependable? That’s fine.

But you needing to rely on someone else—you having your success in the hands of somebody else—that feels very suffocating and very threatening.

We generally try to keep everything we need to go well separate from other people.

We don’t share, essentially.

We use things like humor… being nonchalant or uncaring… being superficial… even being a bit crazy, pulling antics, kind of putting on a show.

All of these help avoid a real connection forming—while at the same time, all of the above listed are quite attractive traits. They make people like you.

Maybe not like you sexually, but at least think you’re pleasant to be around, entertaining, fun—or just… relaxing to be around.

So, we’ll put on a show that keeps the right amount of distance.

This really appeals to nice guys, because we get to give people a lot of pleasure—which is our kind of original intent. We want people to be happy.

But at the same time, we don’t need to actually let them get in and do any damage.

We like to be the funny person, or the interesting person—offering support, like one-way counselling, or giving lots of help and just being incredibly valuable to have around… without actually being attached.

To dive deeper into this topic, check out the original video here:

2 Responses

  1. How comfortable are you relying on others? Can you share a time when letting someone else help felt threatening or liberating?

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