Why avoiding conflict causes mental breakdowns

So something unusual is happening for me at the moment…

There’s a confrontation that I need to have, and yet I’ve been procrastinating on it, probably due to some fear-based reasons; discomfort around their likely reaction, and uncertainty about whether I believe it needs to be said.

This is a very unusual for me these days, but this is how I used to live. I just avoided all conflict. I’d carry these compounded unsaid resentments like a huge weight over my head, bleeding out from a thousand small cuts.

Ever since doing the Nice Guy Recovery work on myself, I usually dive head first into confrontations as soon as it becomes apparent that they’re needed. I’ve learned that getting them done as quickly as possible, regardless of resistance from my mind, is the healthiest and most helpful approach.

But this one I’ve delayed on. Turns out that even the Great Dan Munro relapses and slips sometimes!

I know… I’m as shocked as you are.

It’s incredible how often it keeps coming up in my mind, reminding me that I need to do it, pressuring me to do it, becoming bigger in my head than it originally was.

It’s taken me back to the time in my life when I never stood up for myself. It’s given me renewed empathy for the people who almost never confront, and how much resentment they have to store in their head, and how most of their internal suffering comes from not speaking up.

If you’re feeling miserable, stressed, lost, or depressed, try asking yourself, “What confrontations have I been avoiding or pretending don’t matter?”

If there’s even one, that’s your first step toward enjoying life again.

For more on this topic, check out my podcast episode “How to Set Boundaries through Healthy Confrontations”

One Response

  1. If you have a lot of unspoken resentments built up, start with the smallest and safest one first, to slowly build momentum

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