Why approaching strangers isn’t getting you a girlfriend

This one is for the singles who are actively getting out there.

If you’ve gotten into the whole pickup artist thing, or basically any form of dating-related activity where you’re being active and bold, you might have started approaching strangers.

If you’re following my basic integrity approach, then you’re doing with it bold and transparent honesty, expressing attraction respectfully and spontaneously, without attachment to outcomes.

Maybe it’s in night-time scenarios, like bars and clubs, or even bolder during the day, like cafes and malls.

And if this has been going on for some time, you might be wondering why it’s not leading to you getting a girlfriend. There’s a couple of reasons.

Firstly, the likelihood that you’re going to meet an authentic good fit by randomly selecting members of the public is pretty slim. Think of the “1% rule” – one in every hundred people is the right fit for you if you’re being true to yourself.

So you’re much more likely to meet an ideal partner at a shared hobby or activity or group where you’re both into it for the same reasons. That takes you up to like a 30% chance.

Secondly, generally people are not used to being approached and flattered by strangers in this way, and it freaks them out. Hard to believe, but maybe you’re too confident for them to handle, and so after even a fun interaction is over they’ll later freak out and ghost you because it’s too good to be true.

So treat approaching complete strangers as a courage building exercise only, where you make a stranger’s day and learn how to initiate conversations, and then look for a partner somewhere more aligned to your values.

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One Response

  1. One thing that can help is to commit to never asking for a phone number, let them be the ones to request further contact, which gives them power (safety) and reduces your neediness for outcomes.

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