We cheer people up not because we want them to feel better, but because we prefer to be around happy people.

We don’t consider whether happiness is actually what’s best for them right now — we just know it’s what’s best for us right now.

That’s why we cheer someone up.

We calm someone down when they’re angry — not because that’s what’s best for them, but because we’re upset with their anger and don’t want it around us.

We’re more comfortable when people are calm.

We sacrifice ourselves for others — noble people that we are —so that they’ll feel grateful, appreciative, and like us more.

We don’t do it because we genuinely care about their well-being.

We give people advice to control their behavior — to make them more likely to do things we agree with and feel comfortable with.

We do it not because we want them to make good life decisions or live according to their own values.

While we do have some deep-down, genuine interest in other people’s well-being,
this is not the primary motivation for people-pleasing behavior.

If we really cared about other people, we’d be focused a lot more on the long-term impact we’re having on them, rather than the short-term impact we’re trying to have on our own emotional state.

To dive deeper into this topic, check out the original video here: