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What school didn’t teach you, part 1: Self Confidence

Become a confident beast with my Shamelessness course on Udemy

Course High school and university failed us all. While they taught us things like algebra and history, we weren’t taught any of the things we actually needed to know to create a successful, high quality life!

In this series of 6 videos, I’ll try to teach you what school failed to do:

1) How to build self confidence

2) How to be good with money

3) Dating and relationships skills

4) Confrontation skills

5) Critical thinking

6) Creative productivity

In this first video, we dive into how to be more confident, looking at living by your core values, not letting other peoples’ opinions stop you doing the right thing, and earning your own self respect.


Dan’s Top Resources

Books

Dan has 3 bestselling non-fiction books available in both written and audio form:

  • The Naked Truth, his latest release, shows you how radical honesty builds self-confidence and relationships
  • Nothing to Lose explores how to build confidence from the inside by correcting the programming in your brain
  • The Legendary Life is a very practical, action-focused guide on how to plan and execute a life plan that brings you your ideal lifestyle

Online courses

Dan continues to put out high quality online self-paced courses through the Udemy platform


Full transcript (unedited)

Welcome back to brojo online. Today I’m going to record a podcast that will also be a series of videos about what they failed to teach you in school. One of my favorite compliments that I can possibly receive that I get on some of my videos and content is simply question, why don’t they teach this in school? Good question ask. Many of us nearly all of us left school, feeling underprepared. And as we went out into the adult world, in our 20s, we came to realize that we learned almost nothing about what we really needed to know, as I saw someone on the internet, put it the other day, thank God, we learned about parallelograms instead of taxes to really come in handy parallelogram season. This kind of problem affects all of us, and we spend the rest of our adult years trying to catch up to the education we should have had. So ultimately, you left school not knowing shit. Now make an exception primary elementary school, I think is sufficient. We need the basics of maths and writing and reading those things that are kind of core functions in society. And the general gist of how to learn, I think, has taught fairly well in most primary elementary school level. So I’m going to leave that one alone, let’s say that one is okay, up until about the age of 10. schooling is good enough, but high school and university are an absolute shambles. At the point where we get to choose subjects or we get the illusion of choice of subjects. And we’re supposed to specialize and focus in on our strengths were funneled, and batched into a system that only supports a very limited few types of intelligence, there’s about nine recognized types of intelligence, and only about two of them are supported in school and the rest are considered optional. They’re almost shamed, really, the artistic the social, or the physical, those kinds of intelligences which of course, a lot of people have basically neglected in school, or at least given a D prioritization in the status, you’re discouraged away from them. You got to understand schools not designed to make sure you have a good life. The school system that pretty much is the same all over the world, as far as I understand it was designed during the industrial era to make you into good workers and controllable taxpayers. It’s not designed to make sure that you have a fulfilling happy life. So for you to leave school and think that that’s what I prepared you for is going to leave you very disappointed. I personally figured out how to run a business without doing any university business courses. And I learned more about psychology through specific trainings with expert people after university than I did, and my psychology degree. University itself, in my opinion, is basically a scam. And you can get the kind of education that you need from University and a far more effective and expert way. And different ways that university teachers, and both high school and university teachers are limited by curriculum. The way teaching works on school simply doesn’t work. I basically think there should be no such thing as a career teacher, there should be retired experts who come to give their wisdom to the new batch of people in a very specific area, and niche of expertise. Most teachers are either people who just did a teaching degree and then go to high school. Or they went and got their doctorate in a university and then just stayed there as a professor to keep teaching, and then go out into the world and have a career in a specific field and then come back with all that experience and wisdom. They just kept reading from the same books that they got taught from. So I’m going to challenge myself in this short podcast and series of videos, I’m going to try and do more for you than five to 10 years of schooling did Lesson number one, the thing they didn’t teach you in school, how to build self confidence seems like a kind of important one. No, considering your entire quality of life is absolutely based on how self confident you are in almost nothing else. I mean, you can have the worst luck in the world and still enjoy a life of yourself confident, and you can have the best, most abundant life in the world and still commit suicide if you’re not. So this core subject, the thing that’s more important than anything else on this planet is not taught in school. Why? Because they don’t know how to teach it. Most of the teachers I witnessed in school didn’t seem to have it themselves. You’ve got to understand nothing is more important to your quality of life and self confidence. So really, nothing should be getting more of your focus, at least until it’s built until you look in the mirror and go I am a consistently low Long Term self confident person I got this, then that should be the goal to get to that point. Anything else is subsidiaries should be contributing to that goal and nothing else. But you’re going to understand what confidence is, I’m not going to go into too much detail in this video because I’ve got other pieces of content that can like pick apart the details. But you don’t think confidence is not competence, being good at something. And feeling good about that is not the same thing as deep self confidence. Deep self confidence should be there, when you’re unskilled it should be there when you’re doing something new. It’s about feeling you have about yourself not feeling about your skills, or how well you do in a certain area. One way to look at confidence is a pie that’s cut up into different pieces. And you can work on each of the separate pieces to create the whole pie. Now, we could argue for days as to what all those pieces are. But I’m going to give you some that I think if you worked on all of these, you can be pretty damn sure you’re going to end up being confident. I know it worked for me, it works for my clients, and works for anybody I studied, who became self confident. These are the key things is I’m going to give you a quick tip for a daily practice on each of those pieces that will ensure that if you were to engage in this daily practice every day, within a couple of years, you’re going to be extremely self confident. Courage. What is courage? It’s doing the thing you’re uncomfortable doing. That’s it, facing your fear. It’s about doing the thing you’d rather not do because it’s a bit uncomfortable emotionally or physically. So how do you engage in the practice of courage every day you choose one thing you don’t want to do that you know is good for you, and you go and do it. Maybe it’s making an uncomfortable phone call, maybe it’s doing a workout, maybe it’s choosing the healthy meal of the delicious one, maybe it’s worth walking through the rough neighborhood instead of going the long way around the nice neighborhood, whatever it is, look for that least comfortable path all the time every day and try to take it at least once a day the thing that you’d rather not do that you stay away from, because it brings up emotions you’re not feeling particularly safe with go into those emotions every single day. Think of it like trying to chase fear until there’s none lift self respect, as it sounds is treating yourself as if you’re somebody you respect. Now generally what this means is confrontations and boundary setting means going for what you want standing up for what you believe in, and holding the line against people that try to encroach on that, in terms of a daily practice. It just means standing up for yourself. That means at some point, being disagreeable and confrontational with somebody. Let’s say you work in an office environment and you’re interacting with people all day, there’s no way you agree with every single thing that said, but a lot of you will behave like that. Find one thing to just stand up on a little bit, it could be as simple as saying, I don’t really like the song that’s on the radio right now, even though everyone else seems to like it. Or it could be as big as saying, you know, the way you treated me is what I consider bullying. And I’d like you to stop, and everything in between. If you can’t think of anything, wait until the next time, your food that you ordered is not exactly up to standard and send it back. Anything that shows that you are willing to get uncomfortable to protect yourself. That is self respect, responsibility, the father of all the masculine values, in my opinion, responsibility is talking and acting like you own your life. And that everything in it is a result of your own decisions. Because that’s what it is. The point you are in your life is the end result of every decision you’ve ever made. So there is really no accuracy in blame or shirking of responsibility. You made the situation happen, it’s your job to deal with it. Even if somebody else is behaving badly towards you. It’s your job to react in a healthy way. So they’re not the problem. If you can control your reactions, your behavior, if you can say this is my job I got this isn’t my life, it’s my job to deal with it. You’re going to feel that power, curiosity. Assume that learning more is good for you. Does that not sound right? That being wiser is good for you. So aim to learn something every single day, it can be a fun activity where you jump on Wikipedia and select a random page and just read it. Or it could be more intense like trying to find someone who’s smarter than you and ask them questions. Or it could be just a sense of kind of humility. When you go about your day going, I could be wrong. Let’s find out how I am in any way. By the end of every day, you should know a bit more than when you woke up this morning. Humility and I kind of covered this with curiosity. But humility is just the understanding that you could be wrong, that you’re a flawed human being like everybody else, that you’re subjected all the same sort of biases and weaknesses as any other human and seeking that out rather than trying to pretend it doesn’t exist. Very simple daily practice is to look into an area where you feel very sure of yourself and try to prove yourself wrong, try to find a counter argument, or a counter piece of evidence that at least slightly changes your perspective. If you do this everyday, you’re going to become a very, very wise person, philosophy, which translates to love of wisdom, wisdom and confidence go hand in hand, the Wiser you are, the more confident you are. The best way to get wise quickly as defined wise people and go what are you know that I don’t and learn from them, you can read their books and get a mentor or coach. Or you can simply spend as much time as possible with people you admire who seem to know more than you do. And just absorb that wisdom and try to put it into practice in your life. Compassion, slash acceptance, I’m not sure if there’s actually different things. But this is about letting the world be the way it is. It’s about trying to understand as much as possible. It’s a type of curiosity in a way, but it’s a curiosity with no goal in mind, no attempt to win. It’s about letting go. In a daily practice. This means probably trying to get to know somebody who you feel repelled by, it means spending a bit of time to stop at the bus, stop and talk to the homeless guy. It means donating a bit of your leftover money to their charitable organization. It means surrendering at the team meeting when the whole team has voted against you and just letting the loss happen. There’s lots of ways to just accept and be compassionate about life as it is, rather than trying to fight against it or trying to pretend that it isn’t that way. And lastly, my favorite shameless integrity, aka honesty, shame is the opposite of confidence. Shame is Is something wrong with me. And the way to remove that belief is to share the thing that you think is wrong with you so often, that you no longer feel that way. You can imagine it kind of like in a quantitative way, if you have a big list of all these things you’re ashamed of. And you basically share them all the time until they eventually become emotionally neutral. We’re talking about them as more like self deprecating humor than it is about toxic shame, then eventually, the list will be empty. And if you’re without shame, what are you confident? So how do you do this? Every single day it pick one thing that you don’t really want to tell people about. And you find someone and you tell them, you don’t have to do the thing you’re terrified of telling people about and you don’t have to tell Unsafe people necessarily that you might build up to. They’re just the thing that you’d usually keep to yourself because there’s no reason to share it and you’re uncomfortable sharing it, find someone to share it with. Get it out once they get it out again, and again. I’ll tell you this, you take the thing you’re most ashamed of. See how you feel about it after sharing it 100 times with 100 different people. See if you’re still ashamed of it, and you’ll see what I’m talking about. And that’s building confidence.

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