A collection of this week’s most popular posts over all social media…
The reason why confrontations are so difficult
One thing that makes confrontation difficult especially with people we don’t know very well, is that we have an assumption that they are somehow sane, that they are rational minded. So, when they yell and argue and criticize us and insult us, we assume that we are in a confrontation with somebody whose mind is intact because we think of insane people as people who are locked up in hospitals and asylums. But the fact is, there are many functionally insane people walking around, people who do not live with rationality, people who are far disconnected from reality but they can tie up their shoes and hold down a job and drive a car, so we call them “sane” The next time you’re in an argument that doesn’t make sense to you start with the assumption that the other person is at least right now a little bit insane. And so what they’re saying maybe shouldn’t be taken seriously.
Hey freak! Other people are just as fucked up as you!
After coaching people for nearly 10 years there’s something I can share with you that might relieve your guilt and shame a little bit. You’re going to look around at the world and you’re going to think everyone’s different to you. They’re going to seem to be enjoying life more than you perhaps not thinking as weird a thoughts as you, not feeling as strong emotions as you, and I’m here to tell you right now, they are fucking faking it! They’re as weird as you are, really! Even when they claim not to be, even when they bully you or make fun of you for having your weird thoughts and emotions They’re just covering up for the fact that they’re the same as you. I’ve delved deeply into the psychology of thousands and thousands of so-called normal people. I’m telling you right now: it’s a fucking act, so don’t worry about it. You’re not weird. You’re actually normal. It’s just no one’s talking about it.
I got scammed! Was it you??
I recently got scammed. As a new entrepreneur in a new country, I was convinced into signing up to something that I thought was legally necessary and it turns out it’s just a common scam, and they stole a lot of my money. And it made me think about the people who work for that company. Almost certainly, there’s a psychopath who started the company who clearly has the sole intention of harming people by taking their money. But what about all their employees? And I want to make this video to people out there right now, who are working for companies where you know what you’re doing is shit. You know that what you’re doing is basically scamming people out of their money or deceiving people for your own gains, and ask yourself: How much longer do you really want to be this person? when you could be someone else?
Goals that fail usually have this critical error
A key factor you need to consider before you start any kind of self development work, be it an exercise program or some sort of social skill training or anything like that. Can you maintain this non-stop for 12 months without breaking down, without relapsing, without struggling so hard that you give up? Because if the answer is probably not then this is not a good system because one of the key things that most people forget or just don’t think to do when they’re looking at changing their life, is asking themselves Can I sustain this, is this something I can do forever? Whatever it is that you’re about to try That needs to be the question and if the answer is, yes, do it. If the answer is no, find something else.
The radical new years resolution that changed my life forever
There’s a challenge I set myself many years ago, they had completely transformed my life and I’ve never looked back and I want to give you guys that challenge now, it’s a very simple one. See how long you can go without lying Call it your New Year’s resolution, start at 12 a.m. on the first of January set a little timer and just see how long you can get that timer running without telling a lie without misrepresenting the truth, without hiding an obvious truth. Just make sure everything that comes out of your mouth is the truth. And if you can’t do that, if you’re too scared, at least don’t lie, and stay silent. Just see how long you can get the clock going for
Radical Honesty vs. Powerful Honesty: Which is best?
So one of my guys has asked me, what’s the difference between radical honesty and the thing that I call powerful honesty? Well, it’s not a huge difference. If anything powerful honesty is radical honesty but with more thought put into it. So essentially radical honesty is speaking your mind directly as soon as it happens, a kind of blurting out impulsively of the truth inside your head it can be kind of messy. Sometimes it can be judgmental. Sometimes it can be something that creates conflict and I actually don’t have a problem with any of these things, as long as it comes out and it gets talked about, you can end up in a healthy place in the end. the difference was powerful honesty is first we think about what we’re going to say and make sure it’s as accurate as possible. You know, am I taking responsibility? Do I really know the truth here? hasis this the full truth? Am I being vulnerable? Am I being brave? There’s a few questions you ask yourself before you speak, that makes it powerful honesty but in the end both are really good. So do either.
Boost your self-esteem in less than 5 mins per day
One of the main reasons that people have self-esteem issues it’s not because they behave badly or they don’t meet their own expectations or anything like that It’s simply they don’t measure themselves well! When you’re raised with trauma you tend to have a skewed negative perception. You tend to only remember the things you did wrong and what’s going badly for you and what’s a threat because that’s what used to keep you safe. But it means that you remember yourself inaccurately, you remember yourself much more negatively than is true. You need to focus more on what you did well and where you won.
What is Hostile Attribution Bias? (Why you think people are always trying to hurt you)
Hostile attribution bias is the official term for assuming that someone has a malicious intent. It means when somebody does something that you don’t like or that you disprefer, you assume that they kind of meant to hurt you that they were trying and that their primary motive was to cause you harm. It’s really important you understand how often you are incorrect about this. How rare it is for somebody’s primary motive to be to cause you harm. Now they might be aware that causing you harm is a consequence of their actions, but it’s very rare that that’s what they’re actually trying to do. And when you ask yourself what’s a better reason for what they’re doing, you’ll often see that, hostile intent is very unlikely.
The shame mistake successful people often make
I wanted to send a little message out to the successful people of the especially those who have recently become more successful. Now this might mean your new business suddenly took off or your dating life just exploded, or maybe you’re starting to look really good after months of the gym. You’re going to probably feel some shame about it. You’re going to find it hard to talk about, hard to share that success, especially hard to complain about the truth of success which is it just brings new problems into your plate. So you’re going to feel like you should be grateful and that other people wish that they were you and so on. But your real experience is that life is actually gotten harder since you became more successful like a business that’s got too many orders to fill for example. I just wanted to reach out and say it is harder being successful does create more problems. You’re not alone. You’re not crazy. You’re allowed to complain. I wish you all the best.
Why do people pleasers SOUND weak?
Nice guys and people pleasers are afraid of being seen as too assertive. They think it makes you look stuck up or makes you look certain of things that you shouldn’t be like you’re lacking humility They also think that being assertive as a form of aggression and that it harms other people. One of the ways this plays out is that they speak in a weak tone, they often have an apologetic type tone and it’s very hard for them to sound sure of themselves, they end everything in a question It’s like they’re seeking permission or apologizing for something they say. What it really is happening under the surface is a fear of commitment. They don’t want to go all in on what they’re saying in case they’re wrong. They don’t want to be humiliated. And so they fake being humble. Try speaking with a slow, loud and proud voice and you’ll actually feel your confidence go up.
Dan’s Top Resources
Dan has 3 bestselling non-fiction books available in both written and audio form:
- The Naked Truth, his latest release, shows you how radical honesty builds self-confidence and relationships
- Nothing to Lose explores how to build confidence from the inside by correcting the programming in your brain
- The Legendary Life is a very practical, action-focused guide on how to plan and execute a life plan that brings you your ideal lifestyle
Dan continues to put out high quality online self-paced courses through the Udemy platform
- Nice Guy Recovery: how to transform from a people pleaser into a confident beast.
- Shamelessness: how to relieve yourself of the “not good enough” story
- Powerful Honesty: takes you through step-by-step development of your communication skills to be more charismatic and powerful in your honesty
- The 3X Confidence and Authenticity Masterclass program: use the famous 3X Model to build confidence in all areas of life
- Financial Freedom for Beginners: includes everything from budgeting, to getting a raise, to investing in the stock market, to starting a side-business and more
- Overcoming Your Fear of Rejection… Permanently!: covers the psychology of “rejection” and what actions to take to make yourself immune to the fear of it