You’ve clearly expressed (or at least indirectly hinted) what you want, or don’t want.
They KNOW what hurts you, and what you’d prefer they do instead.
And still, they Just. Keep. Doing. It.
There’s a heartbreaking truth I’m forced to face in my sessions with coaching clients:
They think the “hard part” is SETTING the boundaries, i.e. confronting people and demanding a certain behaviour.
Unfortunately, that’s actually the easy part. The hard part is ENFORCING the boundaries.
Most people think that saying something is enough. And sure, with someone who already respects you and cares for you and understands you, once might be enough.
But for most people, you’ll need to enforce the boundary.
And that does NOT mean saying it again.
When you just keep saying it over and over again, all you do is build up resentment and rage towards them, while simultaneously undermining the boundary by showing them they can repeatedly disrespect you without any consequences.
You’ve tried saying it in so many different ways. You’ve tried reasoning with them, pleading with them, demanding they change… maybe you’ve even tried making threats or raising your voice to scare them.
Doesn’t work.
It just makes you look weak while destroying any chance of a functioning working relationship.
It’s actually incredibly simple in terms of actions (usually it just means withdrawing privileges or cooperation), but emotionally it’s difficult.
Whether it’s a loved one, or your greatest workplace rival, you need to understand the difference between setting a boundary and enforcing consequences – watch this video to understand this better:
How to Enforce Boundaries with Consequences
You will need to control your temper and overcome your fear.
You will need to unpack your guilt by understanding this is best for everyone.
You will need to hold strong when they resist and test your attempts to enforce respect.