Up until this point I’d only ever received either positive feedback or helpful and thoughtful suggestions. I’d never seen such a random, blunt and negative reaction like that before (this was to be the first of many over the years).

At first, I felt shocked and took it seriously. I reviewed the content I’d posted to see how it was offensive or factually inaccurate. I couldn’t see anything obvious, so I replied to the guy’s comment, asking for clarification.

It went downhill from there..

I won’t bother with details, but let’s just say he was one sandwich short of a picnic. Every response I got from him made less sense than the last, and was just full of negative hatred and crazy ranting. Confused, I wasted a good 20min of my day interacting with him before finally realising it was pointless.

Later, upon reviewing how I’d used up so much energy on this nutter, I asked myself a question that caused me an epiphany:

“Who is this guy, really?”

I pondered what kind of person writes these things. I realised that when someone says something nasty or critical in any situation, they are doing so for one of only two reasons.

1, They literally have nothing better to do – this is the most valuable use of their time available, or

2, They have more valuable things they could do but chose to do this instead.

How valuable is nasty criticism? I’d argue: not at all. Complete silence is worth more.

So they’re either someone who’s life is so terrible that the BEST use of their time is to be a dick to someone else, OR they’re someone who’s decision-making abilities are so poor that they choose being a dick over more constructive activities, like being a supportive friend, or doing a hobby, or enjoying a nice walk, or basic kindness.

LESSON:

Before you react to someone’s criticism or hatred, take a breath and ask yourself: Who is this person?

You’ll soon realise that unless you specifically asked this person for negative feedback then they are probably just lashing out in pain because their own life sucks so much that they actually prioritise being mean as a valuable use of their time.

You won’t see self-confident people wasting their time writing nasty comments or criticising people.

Being mean to someone is about the most harmful thing you can do before you actually break the law and commit a crime. So this person giving you “feedback” is someone who found the nastiest thing they could do without getting into trouble – they’re like a criminal only more cowardly!

Is that someone worth investing energy into?

 

---

On trauma…

People often look to their childhood to figure out why they lack confidence and struggle with things like relationships and motivation.
And while the wounds may have been inflicted way back then, I have found in my clients that without exception, the real damage is being done NOW.
A clear way to see this is to imagine what it would be like if you treated someone else the way you treat yourself.
Every time you keep a truth to yourself, it’s the equivalent of telling someone else to shut up because their ideas are worthless.
Every time you fail to be disciplined, using the excuse of “I don’t feel like it”, it’s the equivalent of discouraging someone else from doing what is right for them.
Every time you accept disrespectful treatment from someone without standing up for yourself, it’s the equivalent of standing by quietly while someone else gets bullied and abused.
Every time you eat non-nutritious food or drink alcohol, it’s the equivalent of deliberately poisoning someone else.
If you treated someone else the way you treat yourself, would it be called “love and respect” or would it be called “bullying and abuse”?
THAT’S why you feel the way you do about yourself.
And if you can see this clearly and yet CONTINUE to do it, then you are a masochist who wants to self-harm.

 

---

On beliefs…