This is part 2 of a 6-part series on self-love.

Stress is primarily caused by high cortisol levels, which can persist for long periods, such as a year after a stressful event like moving house or even five years after grieving a loved one.

Stress can manifest in various ways, including irritability, exhaustion, and physical health issues like heart disease. Stress is often a reaction to things outside one’s control and is the opposite of happiness, which involves contentment with the present.

This video looks at how stress relates to self-acceptance, and explores enjoying the process to reduce stress and improve overall well-being.

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Understanding Stress: The Hidden Force Shaping Your Life

Stress is a concept that we all experience, but few of us truly understand. It’s often something we brush aside, chalking it up as part of the chaos of life. But when we break it down, stress is much more than just feeling overwhelmed. It’s a physiological state that, if unchecked, can quietly sabotage our well-being. So, let’s dive in and explore what stress really is and how it affects us.

What is Stress?

At its core, stress is the result of elevated cortisol levels in your body. Cortisol is a neurochemical that floods your central nervous system when you’re under stress, often pushing out the positive chemicals like serotonin and dopamine that make you feel good. This imbalance can have a profound impact on your mood, physical health, and ability to enjoy life.

Cortisol can stay elevated for a long time, particularly when we experience major life changes. For example, moving to a new home can keep your cortisol levels high for up to a year. Similarly, if you’re grieving the loss of a loved one, your cortisol levels can remain elevated for years if the grief is not processed effectively. When stress compounds with other life events—like losing a job or going through a breakup—it can become a vicious cycle, keeping your cortisol levels permanently high. The result? You’re always living in a state of heightened stress.

Chronic Stress: The Hidden Culprit

Many of us have been living in a state of chronic stress for so long that we don’t even realize it. For me, it took a long time to recognize that my daily irritability, the bags under my eyes, and my constant frustration with the smallest things (like a slow computer) were all symptoms of stress. I just thought it was normal. But that’s the trap. Chronic stress becomes your baseline, and it’s only when you step back that you realize how much it’s taking a toll on you.

Stress can manifest in a number of ways: irritability, anxiety, exhaustion, or even physical symptoms like digestive problems or sleep disturbances. It’s easy to confuse these symptoms with other conditions, like depression. But more often than not, it’s burnout—your body’s response to being overstretched for too long. You might feel constantly overwhelmed or find yourself stuck in a mental loop, worrying about the future, regretful of the past, or feeling trapped in the present moment.

Stress also has long-term effects that can lead to serious health conditions like heart disease, stroke, and even dementia. It’s not something that’s just affecting your mood today; it’s laying the foundation for chronic health issues down the line.

The Gap Between “Here” and “There”

Eckhart Tolle offers a simple definition of stress: “Stress is being here when you want to be there.” This could not be more accurate. Stress arises when there’s a gap between where you are in life and where you want to be. This gap can take many forms: You’re not the person you want to be, you’re not in the place you want to be, or you’re not doing what you want to do. Essentially, you want something more or different from what you currently have—and that desire creates stress.

It’s the same with material possessions. Many people think that once they reach a certain financial milestone—whether that’s earning $30k, $300k, or $3 million—they’ll be happy. But the truth is, if you can’t be content with $30k, you won’t be happy with $3 million. Happiness is not determined by what you have, but by your ability to accept where you are and what you have at this moment.

Stress is often the result of our constant pursuit of something “better,” while ignoring the blessings of the present. It’s this mentality that leads us to feel like we’re constantly chasing a moving target, always striving for a destination that never truly satisfies.

Stress: A Reaction to What You Can’t Control

Stress is usually a response to situations beyond our control. Whether it’s trying to close a business deal that’s dependent on someone else, worrying about the outcome of an election, or feeling helpless about global issues like climate change, stress thrives when we focus on things we cannot control. The more we fixate on these uncontrollable factors, the more stress we invite into our lives.

This need for control is ingrained in us, but it’s ultimately an illusion. Trying to control things that are out of our hands only leads to frustration and anxiety. It’s important to recognize that the source of stress often lies in the gap between our expectations and reality. And that gap exists because we’re trying to make reality conform to something we’ve created in our heads, often leading to stress when things don’t align.

The Opposite of Stress: Happiness and Contentment

Many people believe that the opposite of happiness is sadness, but I believe that the opposite of happiness is stress. Tim Ferriss once said that the opposite of happiness is boredom, but I think boredom is just a form of stress. It’s the discomfort of not being satisfied with the present moment. When you’re happy, you don’t need anything to change. You’re content with what is happening right now, and you feel no urge to be anywhere else, doing anything else.

Stress, on the other hand, is the feeling that something has to change. You’re not okay with the present moment, and you’re constantly striving for something different. There’s no such thing as being stressed about something you’re content with. Stress arises when there’s a desire for change, whether it’s in yourself, your life, or the world around you.

Stress and Self-Love: Accepting What Is

The key to reducing stress lies in self-love and acceptance. When you can truly accept where you are and who you are in this moment—without feeling the need for constant change—you begin to reduce stress. Self-love isn’t about being perfect; it’s about being okay with who you are right now, as you are. This is not to say you shouldn’t have goals or aspirations, but there’s a difference between striving for growth and demanding more from yourself than is possible.

Stress often arises when we push ourselves too hard, asking for more than we can reasonably deliver. If you approach a challenge—like an exam or a business venture—with the mindset that you’re doing your best with the resources you have, you can reduce the pressure on yourself. If you focus on the process and enjoy the journey, you’re less likely to feel stressed by the outcome.

Finding Balance: The Sweet Spot

While a certain level of stress can be motivating—pushing you to take action or grow—excessive stress is counterproductive. When you push yourself too hard or demand too much, stress undermines your enjoyment of the process. It’s crucial to find a balance between pushing yourself to improve and accepting where you are right now. The most successful people are those who enjoy the journey, not just the destination.

So, let go of the myth that stress is helpful. It’s not. Stress is a barrier to happiness, growth, and fulfillment. Learn to recognize it, accept where you are, and focus on what you can control—namely, your response to the present moment. By reducing unnecessary stress, you’ll unlock the power to be more content, more present, and ultimately, more successful in everything you do.

Conclusion

Stress isn’t something to be celebrated or embraced. It’s a signal that something in your life isn’t aligned with your needs or desires. By focusing on acceptance, balance, and self-love, you can reduce the stress in your life and experience more peace and happiness. You don’t need to change everything to be happy—sometimes, all it takes is changing how you view and accept the present moment.

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Thanks for reading

Hope to speak to you soon

Dan Munro