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The “Strong Independent Person” is a myth

One thing that nice guys and people pleasers have in common is they like to think of themselves as “independent”. They take pride in this independence, in being self-sufficient.

This can be a response to childhood trauma. Relying on others harmed us considerably, so we came to the conclusion that it’s just safer to do it all ourselves. This is also known as an Avoidant Attachment Style.

But is being independent even a real thing?

Let me ask you some questions:

Who built the roads that you drive on? Who treats your illnesses when you’re sick? Who taught you how to read? Where does your money come from?

The answer for all: someone else.

You’re not independent. You’ve never been independent. There are no truly independent human beings on Earth. Even the ones that live in the forest and fend for themselves got taught how to do it by someone else.

Leaning on other people and employing the resources provided by others is not some form of weakness. It’s necessary and inevitable.

Taking pride in being independent means you simply cherry-pick information to tell yourself a story about not needing others. There’s no truth to it at all.

But by clinging to this story you frequently deny yourself access to valuable resources for no reason other than pride.


Learn how to create a Secure Attachment Style, check out my Nice Guy Recovery course

2 Responses

  1. And many of you will have a double-standard, where it’s ok for others to get your help but not the other way around

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