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The problem with staying silent during a conflict

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Staying silent to avoid confrontation and conflict is not only cowardly, but harmful too. There’s nothing noble about keeping your mouth shut when you disagree or have negative feedback for someone, even if a bunch of ancient philosophies condone silence. Sure, there are unhealthy and unhelpful ways to confront someone, and yeah some people are going to react badly, but that’s no excuse for tolerating bad behaviour.

In this video, we explore how remaining silent when you should be speaking up hurts you and others.


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Dan has 3 bestselling non-fiction books available in both written and audio form:

  • The Naked Truth, his latest release, shows you how radical honesty builds self-confidence and relationships
  • Nothing to Lose explores how to build confidence from the inside by correcting the programming in your brain
  • The Legendary Life is a very practical, action-focused guide on how to plan and execute a life plan that brings you your ideal lifestyle

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Full transcript (unedited)

Welcome back. Today we’re going to talk about staying silent. In particular, we’re going to talk about the problem of staying silent when you have something so called negative to say, critique or disagreement negative feedback, something you feel might be a confrontation or cause a conflict. So you keep it in, in order to keep the peace or for whatever other justification you use. Today, we’re going to have a look at how dangerous their behavior is how much it hurts you, and how much it actually hurts the other person for you to do this. Now, this is quite often excused as noble behavior, isn’t it? The idea of staying silent, keeping your resentment and your anger to yourself. There’s many philosophies that condone this, they think that is taking the higher road. But I absolutely disagree with that. Now, that doesn’t mean that I can don’t complaining about everything all the time. I don’t want you to overcorrect on this. But this is about something important coming up few a breach a compromise of your values of what you believe to be right and true and what you stand for a new remaining silent despite having their feeling that is a problem. And there’s nothing noble about keeping it to yourself. Now, some people are at least self aware enough to not justify this as nobility and to call it what it is cowardice. The only reason we stay silent when it might be confrontational or controversial or whatever is because we’re scared of how people are gonna react. That is the only reason anyone ever lies. I don’t care what your excuses are, there is no non coward based reason for lying. So when we hold in these confrontations that might hurt someone’s feelings that might cause a ruckus and might be embarrassing or humiliating to ourselves. We’re just doing it because we’re afraid of the consequences, whether they’re realistic or totally fantastic. This is actually a classic example of conditioned dishonesty, the kind of trained dishonesty that we grow up with children, very young children don’t do this. They’ve got a problem with you, they got negative feedback for you, if they’ve got a judgment about you, you hear about it, they get trained out of there. They’re born knowing it’s okay to do that. And then they get taught that it’s not, they are taught that it will lead to violence that your total we lead to humiliation that somehow it harms other people to tell them the truth about themselves. You’ve been taught that. And today I want to challenge that teaching. As Jordan Peterson says, and I’m paraphrasing, staying silent when you have something important to say is a form of lying, let stop self serving only. By having a look at the damage you do to yourself. When you do this. disrespect. You are disrespecting your views, your truth, your opinions, your feelings, keeping something in, when you have an urge to speak it when it seems important to you to express this is self disrespect. You’ll say it’s not worth sharing. You’re saying Shut up you imagine you spoke to somebody else like that. Imagine every time they wanted to give you feedback. Every time they had an idea or an opinion. Or they had a view of the situation that was different. You told them to shut the fuck up. Nobody wants to hear what you have to say. It’s not worth saying it only does damage keep it to yourself. Now imagine you did that to say a child, three, four times a day, every day for the rest of their life?

 

How did they end up? Do they end up confident? They end up in high quality relationships? Do they end up with a wonderful job? No, they end up in the bottom struggling, don’t they? That’s what you’re doing to yourself, your self bullying when you hold in your truth. Now, I’m

 

not saying you should speak every thought that pops into your head. We’re talking about the important stuff, the stuff you feel strongly about. Right? We’re talking about everything a little bit. But let’s focus on the stuff you feel strongly about. If you were to silence somebody else, every time that they tried to speak like that, you would be a busted, you’d be a bully, you’d be a narcissistic psychopath. And yet, you do it yourself probably multiple times per week, if not per day. And you wonder why you’re not confident. you’re prioritizing other people’s emotional comfort or your medicine so over your own self validation. Now, one of the number one confidence problems that most people have in this world is that they have to get their validation from other people. They need other people to say you’re a good boy, you’re a good girl you matter. And because they need other people to say it other people are in control of the quality of life. Other people will control their confidence. If you need to get it from someone else and that someone else can destroy you. The secret to confidence is knowing how to get it from yourself and not the arrogance of lying to yourself into thinking you’re a good person, but a confidence of being able to recognize what’s true about you to accept it, to respect it to give it a voice. When you prioritize somebody else’s slight emotional comfort over that, think how low on the totem pole, you’re putting it, somebody else can have a slight feeling of guilt or anxiety or anger. Because you’ve got something to say. You’re saying it’s not worth shit to say it. That means you’re saying that you’re not worth shit. Wonder why you feel bad about that. Not standing up for yourself and not standing by what you believe in as sulfuric acid. To your confidence is one of the most damaging things you can do. Stay silent, when there’s something important to say there’s almost nothing worst you can do to yourself, in terms of ruining your own self confidence. There’s some other problems, you miss out on a chance to connect with other people. Now there’s a big myth that connections are built on harmony and good times and laughter shared experiences that are positive. That’s simply not the case. While those things have their place, I don’t think they’re the most important thing at all. I think confrontations more than anything else, though deep connections, see, getting through a conflict resolving the problem together. There’s nothing more connecting than that, to start apart, and to work to come together. Even if that final places to respect each other’s views, but hold different views from there on out is almost nothing more powerful for building an honest, deep, trustworthy, respectful connection than that. So when you’re playing safe and keeping your shit to yourself, you’re basically holding people at arm’s length, they can’t get in, they don’t know who you really are, they can’t connect. They never have conflict. So they might like you because you’re pleasant to be around. But in the same way that they’re like eating a piece of cake now and then or they like a nice bit of sunshine, they’re not going to want to stay your best friend, they’re not going to want to marry you you’re not really deeply connected. You just kind of nice to be around. That’s the recipe for remaining alone. You gaslight yourself. See, one of the things I’ve discovered about the truth is that it needs to be expressed and explored to become real. You don’t really know what you think you don’t really know what you feel, you don’t really know what you believe until you try to put it into words or actions, until you try to make it into something manifested in some way, it remains a kind of soupy mess inside your mind. And so if you’re always keeping it in, you don’t really know what it is. And it won’t take long before you really don’t know what it is. If you get into a habit of moderating yourself so that you don’t get into conflict with other people, you’ll start to forget what you actually stand for, you’ll start to believe the moderation. Something you used to disagree with strongly will become something you tolerate, and then something you accept. And then you don’t remember, if you really agree with it or disagree with it.

 

I always say who you are, is made up of your preferences, kind of like binary code of on and off. As he switches we have things with for and against things we like and dislike, and anybody’s personality could be broken down and just a huge list of likes and dislikes. And that would be like the fingerprint of their soul of their personality. So if you’ve got all those switches sitting in the middle, you’ve never expressed them or you barely ever express them. So you don’t know which way you really lean. You haven’t really dived into it, had somebody confront you and maybe change your mind and help you figure out where you stand on things, then you’re going to end up in a position where many of my clients end up which is they have no fucking idea who they are. They don’t even know what they stand for. They get outraged by stuff they don’t even know if they actually care about it. They’re apathetic about things, but they think it might actually be important to them. They don’t know. It’s a horrible position to be in. I mean, is there anything worse than not really knowing who you are? I mean, what else is there to even know about? We can’t trust that any of the outside world even exist, all we know is what happens inside our own mind. So if you don’t even know that you don’t know anything. When you refuse to engage in conflict and confrontation you miss out on the education of other people’s views. You can either homeowner point and get even stronger in your possession by combating somebody else we’re debating the point and finding that they’re wrong and you’re right and getting even more sure of yourself or they can make some really good components and you’re actually maybe I’m wrong and maybe I need to adjust some stuff. Either way, you end up wiser now who would you rather be as you get older, a wise person or a fucking dumbass? Well, you get wise by debating ideas, right by hearing other points of view by having the holes in your argument pointed out so you can learn how to fill them. And finding what the truth actually is. If you just sit there go, I’m going to keep it all to myself and just listen to people, or you’re going to get is the side of the story with no resistance from you know, calibration. And without that you’re not going to figure out what the truth is and end up knowing no more. As you get older than you did when you were younger. You’ll fail to set boundaries, people will walk all over you, you’ll build up resentment towards them, even though it’s not really their fault, because how are they supposed to know what your boundaries are? If your mouths always shut? How are they supposed to know where to stop? If you don’t resist what they’re supposed to guess? Do you think they can read your fucking mind you think everyone thinks like you, they don’t promise you that? Nobody thinks like you. Nobody knows what your preferences are. Nobody knows what your boundaries are. You might think it’s obvious, you might think it’s common, you’re wrong. You’ve got your own unique little set of things. And what they’re going to do, if you don’t speak up as assumed that they’re getting it perfectly, right. That’s what they’re going to do. So as they walk all over you and you sit there eating shit, they’re going to be like, Hey, this guy likes it. He hasn’t said a word you must be into it. This leads up to you building resentment, and feeling they’ve done nothing wrong. Actually, until you set boundaries, you don’t know if they’re deliberately disrespecting you or just naive to what you really stand for what you believe in. But also, you’re going to set precedents that are hard to break, the longer something goes unspoken, the harder it is to bring up, and the more the behavior sets in. So even when you do confront them later, it’s going to take ages for them to change their behavior because they locked into a habit. Now, the nip it in the bud nice and early, it doesn’t grow into anything. Now, I don’t want to put you off resetting expectations and boundaries with people because that’s the second best option to the first which is speaking your mind immediately. But if it’s hard, if it takes work, and they keep slipping, and you have to confront them over and over again, you’ve only got yourself to blame. You should have fucking spoken earlier, this is the cost of doing that. Small irritants will start to become deal breakers. Little things that actually aren’t that big a deal. You could tolerate them, you could accept them because they don’t compromise your values. They just against your preferences. They could become a really big deal that just fills up your bandwidth plagues your mind leads to fucking divorce leads to you storming out of your workplace least you’re abandoning your friends. All because you didn’t say something. See, the funny thing about little irritants is often you don’t actually need to change them. You just need to say something, you just need it to be acknowledged cold out, it can even become a joke between you in fact, and the healthiest relationships. The thing that most annoying us about each other are the things that we laugh about. That’s what happens if you call it out early and make it a small deal, because that’s what it actually is. You hold it in, you’ll start to think it’s a big deal. It will combine with all the other little things that you hold in all those other little grievances, and overcomes big dark cloud in your mind. Have

 

they treat me badly? No, they fucking don’t. You’re just too quiet. And probably the most important point, you’re a fucking liar. Hypocrite much. Would you like it? If people lied to you? Do you want it that if people have feedback for you that would improve your life, or that people notice that you’re doing something that sabotages your success. Or they noticed that you’re doing something that ruins your relationships. You want them to keep that to themselves. You don’t want to know about that. You just want to go on blindly repeating the same mistake unaware that you’re creating all these problems thinking that something else is doing it not knowing the real causes. You know if that’s you fair enough, but I don’t know why you’re watching like a self development video. Go back to having a life that sucks. But if you want to life, that’s good. You’re gonna need that feedback. You need to have other people go do this actually, you doing this? And he or she does mean fuck least I know what to do about it now. Well, if that’s how you feel if that’s what you want other people to do for you. Why aren’t you doing it for them? A bit unfair, don’t you think? To expect other people to help you in this way if you’re not going to help them in the same way? Tip for tat brother. And last point, I’ll make a little one. You might be scared of confrontations until you get into it. Thrilling getting into a confrontation getting into a conversation that you’re not sure it’s going to go well that is almost certainly going to get some resistance. Some blowback may even turn into a big thing. You’ll never feel more alive, especially if you’re the timid type who doesn’t usually do this. You might wonder why your life’s boring and blase and why you just masturbate to porn and watch Netflix and smoke weed and do nothing with your life and feel like it’s just sort of racing by and you’re all apathetic. Maybe you need some thrills, and there’s no healthier thrill than a good solid, honest confrontation. It’s better than a roller coaster. You’ll love it. Once you Get into it. Now let’s talk about the damage to other people. Because this is the nobility lie the idea look, I not my harm me to keep shit to myself, but at least other people benefit from this noble behavior. I’m protecting them from this painful stuff. Yeah, I learned this working with criminal offenders. When I was probation officer rehabilitating them, I learned that if I didn’t tell them the truth about what they were doing who they are, at least as I saw it, they went on and did harmful shit to people as they always had done. And then they ended up in prison as they always did. And everybody involved had their life fucked up by and they came times were realized to finally speak up, someone’s gonna get right, someone’s gonna get fucking murdered at the very least somebody’s car’s gonna get stolen, I’ve got to say something. Now I feel like I’m talking to someone who’s not going to listen and not feel like I’m being judged mean to. And I feel like they don’t want to hear this. But what I found in actuality is that as many as one in five of the criminal offenders I worked with, really did listen to me. And what blew my mind is how many times they didn’t know what I was pointing out to them. Like, if I’d point out to a guy who beats up his wife that his problem is that he drinks too much. He can’t handle his alcohol. Sometimes he’d be like, fuck, I’ve never thought of that before. It’s always when I’m drunk. Like he really didn’t know. And then just having that awareness. He’s like, I don’t need to drink bucket, and then he never hits his wife again, how many beatings did I just save her from? By pointing out something that I thought was obvious and thought he would resist? It became very clear, especially as I started to work with more and more dangerous people, no matter what resistance I might expect, and no matter how pointless it might feel, to say these truths, lives depend on me doing it. And at the very least, I can only sleep at night, knowing that I tried knowing that, hey, I gave this guy every chance to correct his behavior. I pointed out anything that might have been in his blind spot. And if he continues to do bad behavior on that, you know, I’ve done all that I can, you know, the burden doesn’t lie with me. But if somebody does something, and I didn’t say something, they should have keep you awake for weeks. When you don’t tell other people how you see them, you prevent them from seeing themselves clearly, like when you get a haircut, you have to hold a mirror up to the back to see if it looks even you can’t see that yourself. Well, all of us have this blind spot. For some people, it’s gigantic. For others, it’s slim. But we all have the space of we don’t know what we don’t know. We have this element of there’s something I’m doing there’s something wrong with what I’m doing, the way I’m thinking or believing or behaving or all of the above. But I don’t know what it is. I just know I get bad results. Right? I just know that dude hates me. And I know that that didn’t work out. And I know I missed out on the job opportunity again. I know it must be something to do with me because I am involved. I don’t know what it is. Well, as another person,

 

you might see that shit clear as day. In fact, you might think it’s so obvious you don’t even think to mention it. Like he must know that surely, actually, maybe not. Think of it this way if the person knew what they were doing wrong. And they knew it to the depth of like, oh my God, that’s what causes my problems. They really would stop doing it. Anybody who knows their problem and keeps doing it doesn’t really know their problem. Because their real problem is why do I keep doing it even though I know or some people need that feedback. But most of the time, there’s neither feedback when someone goes, Well, it’s because you do this. Right? It seems so obvious to you but to them. Absolutely. They have no idea. So when you don’t give feedback, you withhold that information. Just think of the ramifications of withholding that information. Tell your story there was a girl I’ve told the story many times before. Girl they’re called me out for my self deprecating humor. There used to be my kind of weapon of choice for making people like me I make fun of myself and this really kind of hilarious way. And a lot of people liked it. They liked me guy going on a rant these kind of like impromptu stand up comedy performances I’d give in social situations just ripping on myself. One girl just one said, You know what? It’s charming, and it’s funny, but it’s pathetic. I know. You really mean it. I know. You don’t like yourself very much. words to that effect. I can’t remember exactly what she said. But that planted a seed that led to me becoming the man I am today that planted a seed of doubt about the way I was behaving. The thing I loved about myself the most the self deprecating humor. For the first time somebody said, Maybe we shouldn’t be doing that. And I’d never thought question and as soon as I questioned I’m like, That’s fucked up. Why am I so mean to myself? Why do I use ripping on myself? To make people like me, why would I think that’s attractive to a woman to do that? And so on to start asking some questions I’ve never asked now it took many years for me to ask these questions. But if she had not spoken up, I don’t know if I’d even be a nice guy, coach. I don’t know if I’d be out of this. I might be like, most nice guys in their 30s married to someone they don’t really like full of resentment initiate job, does living a life of mediocrity going What the fuck is wrong? I just hate this shit. I could be there. If she just hadn’t given me that small piece of brutal but absolutely necessary feedback. Now, what will happen to the people you don’t speak to? What’s going to what’s going to happen if you’re the only one who could have seen it? And you don’t? What is the thing that you see that bothers you about them, is their Achilles heel, it’s the thing that ruins the life. You know, I once had a criminal offender come in and just yell at me for like 15 minutes and just be so resistant, so difficult. And I went to my supervisor or a senior member of staff, and I was just like, Man, this guy’s such a fucking pain in the ass. And the guy just looked at me and said, Yeah, that’s why he’s in here. And it clicked for me, I’m like to, that’s his problem. The way he talks to me the resistance, that is symbolic of all the problems he’s ever handle his life, he gets into shit, because this is the way he is. And if I can give them a mirror to see them, like, Dude, you cause your own conflicts, maybe he’ll stop doing it. Now, that particular guy didn’t stop doing because he had severe brain damage and couldn’t learn, like how to correct his behavior. But most people aren’t like that. Most of you will be point out like, dude, the reason you always have better relationships is because you keep doing this one thing. A lot of times, they’ll be like, that’s the reason, you know, and he’ll start to question it. You steal time from them. If you’re in a relationship, or a friendship or job, even you steal their time, when you let them think that you view them in a more positive way than you actually do. If you were to give them the truth about how you feel about them, they might choose to not be with you anymore, they might choose to not work at this job anymore, if they realize they’re not very good at it. And they might choose to not be your friend or your partner anymore if they realize that you don’t like them as the way that they are, and so on. But every second that they don’t have that information, and as a second you’ve stolen from them, they’re gonna figure it out, eventually, if they live long enough, they’re gonna figure out how you really feel they’re gonna figure out whether or not they’re good at this job, and so on. How many years are you gonna let that drag out. So when you give someone confrontational feedback, you’re giving them a chance to bail out of a situation that’s not right for them early on, not too late. Another key thing to keep in mind, silence is consent. If there’s a behavior, and people are watching it, and they don’t say anything, the perception of the person doing that behavior

 

is that these people agree with me. They don’t think of it as neutral, right? If you were to walk down the street and throw some rubbish on the ground in front of a bunch of people, and they looked at it and just didn’t say anything, what are you going to assume? You’re going to assume that they are okay with littering, aren’t you? You’re going to tell yourself if they weren’t okay. They would do something they would say something. Of course, that’s not true as it most of the time, silence is not consent. Most times silence is rage held in. So a person can go about engaging in long term problematic, hurtful behavior, thinking that everyone’s on board with it because everyone’s too embarrassed, too scared to speak up. It’s amazing to me how many times I’ve confronted someone said, That ain’t right. And I’ve gone really, I thought was all good everyone else is doing? I’m like, No, they’re not. Oh, yeah, they’re not, you know, but nobody said anything. Yeah. Nobody ever says anything about anything. That’s why. Here’s the thing to keep in mind. If you’re going to stay silent about something, you have to tell yourself, that means I consent to it. It means I promote and encourage this behavior. You know, you see someone hit their kid in front of you, you’re like, Okay, I’m promoting domestic violence. That’s what I’m going to do by staying silent. You see someone drunk driving, okay, I’m encouraging drunk driving by staying silent, and so on. If you start to see it as a light, okay, if I stay silent, I’m encouraging it. I’m saying do more of this. Repeat this, especially when it’s behavior to you that you don’t like then see how comfortable you are staying silent. Because the truth is, you are condoning it. Obesity, bad relationships, ship Korea, victimhood, loneliness. These are the ongoing problems of someone who’s never confronted about a bad behavior that they don’t realize as a bad behavior. You know, nearly everything in your life in terms of things you don’t like suffering bad results, is something you’ve actually created, your decision making led to the moments where you currently are. If there’s anything in your life you don’t like, about your health, about your career, about your relationships, about your philosophy, you got yourself here. It’s self sabotage. If you’re suffering, every time almost every time, it’s very rare that the outside world actually does anything bad to you without your involvement or permission. So if you’re watching somebody who’s clearly done shit to themselves, you got to assume they don’t really understand that. And they’re gonna keep doing it, because they don’t understand it. They think it’s bad luck, right? Like somebody has a string of awful relationships, and they are just keeping up with all these terrible people. No, no, you keep choosing terrible people. Nobody else is doing the choosing for you. You’re the one saying yes to these people. That’s your fucking problem. It’s not like all people are bad, you choose bad ones lets you not the nobody else is doing this to you. You have a problem with your attraction, you have a problem with selection, you have a problem with qualification. If somebody doesn’t know that they will keep going through bad relationships thinking that people suck. You’re also gaslighting people, you’re saying I like you more than I actually do it, you’re molding their reality, you’re making them doubt things, especially if they try to call you out. Right? If you like, he sure you don’t have a problem with this. Yeah, no, no, I’m good. I’m good. They now doubt their initial guess that you had a problem with it. And they were right. See a lot of time, you’re not as good at hiding a confrontation as you think you are. You might think you’re just sitting there with a poker face looking silent, but it will show a lot of the time that you’re upset or stressed or disappointed or in some mode of disagreement. And if somebody goes, You’re right, you’re all good. It makes them go back maybe maybe just tired or something and they start to lose their ability to read people. See people are actually pretty fucking easy to read. If you trust yourself, if you confident in your judgment. If you look carefully and go, what’s the most likely mood that person’s heaven, given their like body language, given the situation we’re in? Given what I know about them? What’s happening? Most of the time, you’ll probably get it right. Like yeah, they don’t like this. But if they like no, I’m good with it. Yeah. And I saw me up, you know, fuck, maybe I got it wrong. That’s gaslighting, that’s manipulation, you’re fucking up their radar, that could lead them to choose the wrong partner, that could lead them to get into business with a scammy person because they don’t trust their judgment anymore. You’ve got to validate people’s judgement when they get it right. So he fucking nailed it. I was really pissed off. I don’t know how he spotted there. And so that’s what pissed off looks like. They register their information, they get better at reading people, that’s good for them. It’s

 

good for you. It’s good for everybody. Now, of course, they might resist. Of course, they might not want to hear this. You might be wrong a little bit or they just don’t agree with you or whatever. And you speak your mind and nothing good comes of it at least so it seems. But aside from the benefits to yourself in terms of self respect, confidence building, practicing confrontation, offering and inviting someone to connect with you, you might just be planting a seed with them. See, for me to correct my nice guy behavior. So it wasn’t a magic overnight epiphany. It was like bleeding out from 1000 wounds. I got so many tiny pieces of often indirect feedback. They had to like compile it all together. Go fuck I’m doing it all wrong. Right. I didn’t get much direct feedback. I had to like cherry pick. And I have no doubt that I got feedback early on that I resisted disagreed with. I often played the victim when I was younger. So if someone gave me feedback, I was doing something wrong, I’d say a year but it’s because of this and this and reason, reason reason why it’s not my fault and reason, reason reason why I can’t control it. And I feel bad for those people. They must have felt like, no point talking to this guy won’t listen. But I was listening. I was I just wasn’t comprehending. And then someone else told me the same thing again. I was like, That’s the second time I’ve heard that. And then by the time I’m like, That’s the 50th time I’ve heard that I should probably start listening. I’ve heard it from at least five very reliable people I trust and a bunch of others. I haven’t heard the opposite. I’ve heard no validation for what I’m doing as being a good idea. Other than from very unhealthy people. Maybe I’m wrong about this. And I’ll eventually shift out eventually. You know that thing where you tell your partner over and over again, this piece of feedback, they don’t listen to you. And then they hear it from their girlfriends and they like oh my god, it’s so brilliant. Like we’re gonna fuck you very much. I was saying the whole long. Well, actually, you helped you were building a foundation but they needed at least one more person to say it or they needed somebody who they didn’t have resistance to for whatever reason to say it or whatever they needed like a final piece of the puzzle. You don’t understand you plant seeds with people. You’re laying out pieces of information that might remain disconnected for months or years but there’s something brings They’re all together. And they are. That’s what he was talking about fucky was right all along. Now you might not be around for that revelation, you might not get the gratitude that you deserve. So be it. Wouldn’t you rather just help? Can’t you just put your ego aside and just go well, if this is the truth, and it helps him, one day, it might click in from, I might rescue him from a slight amount of misery, combined with the effort of others who give him this feedback or whatever. I’ve done my job, even if he never recognizes me, even if he hates me for it. It’s one thing I always keep in mind. I do a thing called villous coaching, which I got from rich lovin, which is unwilling for my clients to never call me again, to walk away to hate me to ask for a refund if needed, if that’s the cost of being honest, because that’s all I can do to help them. I have to give them what I really believe is the truth about their beliefs, especially but their behavior, about why they get the results that they get in the hope that a I’m right, and be that they’re able to turn that into something useful that improves your quality of life. Now, if they don’t want to hear it right now. And if they don’t like me, so be it. Because that’s true nobility to do what’s right, even though it hurts. So drop the idea that staying silent is noble, because confronting with the certainty that you’re going to lose that snowball course if you want help building up the courage and the verbal articulation skills, the communication skills to be able to do this effectively and with minimal chance of getting your head kicked him. Get in touch dan@brojo.org And we can talk about how you can assert yourself more confidently and more respectfully. Until then, see you next time.

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