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The Cure to Nice Guy Syndrome

Nice Guy Syndrome is a highly prevalent mental illness, and as yet completely unrecognised by the authorities in psychological science. So it’s up to amateurs like me to provide support.

While every Nice Guy presents with different symptoms and issues, and needs a different treatment plan from others to recover, there are some general recovery principles that have worked well consistently for my clients, which I’ve been coaching since 2013.

In this video, we will look at the universal cure principles for recovering from Nice Guy Syndrome, which apply to all “types” of nice guys regardless of their unique differences and issues.

 


 

To recover quickly and build your confidence, contact me for coaching dan@brojo.org

 


Full transcript (unedited)

So I’ve talked about a nice guy syndrome psychology. And let’s just talk a bit about the general cure. So it doesn’t matter what type you are doesn’t matter about the nuances that we’ve talked about today, there are different approaches required, depending on which of these things are relevant to you. So no nice guy is the same as another, I’ve coached hundreds of nice guys, and none of them are identical to any of the others, they’ve all got their own little thing at least, and some of them are vastly different from others. And this is why I recommend coaching. I’m not just selling my own services here, but you need to work with someone who’s going to work with your unique traits in your unique problems and goals. There’s no really broad brush approach that’s going to cure every nice guy out there, or at least likely not going to get all the little bits and pieces that you need. So you want to find someone who can identify the type you are work with you with your unique situation, you know, focus on what really matters to you. That being said, here are some general things that generally work for everyone that I help all values work, figure out what your core values are, and start living by them. There’s whole pieces and courses and everything in my material on this and get in touch and I’ll hook you up. Be honest about your preferences as one of the things that nice guys have in common as they hide their preferences in order to fit in, be agreeable, be funny, whatever. Whatever it is you want or don’t want try to be as honest as you can about that no matter what problems that may cause have high standards in your social circle. And I don’t mean superficial materialistic standards. But in terms of the quality, how people treat you what kind of people they are, you know, the kind of people that encourage you to be your best rather than the kind of people that kind of use you or whatever. And we will go on and if there’s anyone in your current social circle is not amazing, and isn’t seriously encouraging you to live your best. Cut them out, even if they’re not particularly harmful, create the space, learn to be shameless about who you really are, and to be open about the nice guy syndrome stuff and whatever stuff that you might think of as mental illness or mental disorder, or lack of skill or whatever, just be open about all of it, own it be what you are, rather than pretending to be something you’re not. He can fix and correct some stuff that’s causing you problems. But at any given time, you’ve got to be okay with it as well, wherever it is, and that stage of development. And that comes from just being honest about it. Trade in perfectionism, the brave experimentation, still trying to get things right. Try to work on things consistently over time, you know, rough drafts, trial and error, getting things wrong to figure out what’s right, is a much more effective and healthy approach than trying to present an image that everyone agrees with all the time, questioned your own motives. And try to resist acting on anything that feels like a people pleasing urge. Or it feels like it comes from some dark place, you’re not really sure why you’re doing it or you notice yourself justifying it. Rather than just feeling like it’s right and aligned with your values. Slow yourself down. Don’t act on all these impulses all the time, identify face and overcome your social fears. There’s so many different fun ways you can do this. From making a scene and public to making phone calls, whatever it is you need to do. If you’re afraid of something socially run towards it, rather than away from it. until there’s nothing left to run towards practice giving rather than pleasing. A very simple way to do this is to take the credit out of it. So try to make other people’s lives better without them noticing that it was you that did it without you getting the glory without you getting rewarded, trying to train yourself to enjoy the act of giving rather than the reaction. Generally, just be more real. Express your darkness with powerful honesty. Show people where you actually are rather than what you think they want to see. And whatever small amount that you can handle at this moment is slowly build up over time. And if you found this helpful, once more get in touch dan@brojo.org. And we can take this further. Thank you so much for listening. I hope that brought some sort of awareness into your life. And I’m happy to answer your questions. I’ll see you next time.

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