In my coach-training program, I break the education into two streams: coaching and business.
While both of these overlap considerably, each has different focuses and principles to keep in mind. So I’ve written this article by splitting the top 10 mindset princples for each category into two sections.
Let’s start with Coaching.
Coaching Mindset Principles
#1 Treat every session like it’s with your favourite client who pays you a million dollars per year
The key to coaching successfully is to focus on powerful service. For many coaches, this simply means not allowing yourself to be distracted by other urges, needs, and goals.
No matter who’s in front of you, give them everything you’ve got. Even if you think you’ll never see them again, give them the same level of service your favourite client receives.
#2 Your job isn’t to make them happy, it’s to help them find the truth, no matter how much it hurts
Some coaches struggle because they want their clients to like them, or to enjoy the sessions. But happiness is not a motivating emotion.
People are moved much more powerfully by frustration, guilt and fear. Your job is to use the truth to elicit these motivational forces.
It’s in achieving the necessary changes that they’ll find happiness. This is unlikely to happen during the sessions, because they have to earn it with real-life action.
If they’re feeling happy a lot during your sessions, you’re probably not doing it right.
#3 The first answer is always a lie
A big mistake I often used to make was believing my client’s first answer to a question. This led me to do completely pointless sessions, because I rushed into their first answer to “What should we talk about today?” without challenging it for something deeper.
Assume they are unconsciously lying to you. Assume that the first answer is just a draft and it will take much more investigation to find the real answer.
#4 Slow down to speed up — rather than rush to a solution, allow a solution to present itself
Rushing during a session stems from a desire to fix their problems. But that’s not your job; it’s theirs! So why are you rushing?
Try using restraint. Rather than pointing to the “obvious” solution, keep using naive questions and reflections to elicit the answers from them.
#5 You can’t do the work for them — once the player is on the field, it’s on them
Some coaches try to manage the actions a client will take after the session. This shows a lack of trust — you’re assuming the person needs you there in real-time.
It’s more in their best interest that you leave it with them. Let them decide the actions. Let them hold themselves accountable.
If a client asks you to hold them to account, say “No, that’s your job, I’m not your babysitter”.
They know what’s best for themselves.
#6 Trust your instincts — risk making false assumptions
One of the most powerful yet rarely recommended techniques in coaching is making judgmental assumptions!
The thing is, if you’re a coach, there’s a good chance you have a natural empathy and talent for reading people. With practice, this can become a super-power.
The way to become nearly psychic in your ability to correctly guess what people are thinking and feeling and what they’ve experienced in life is to risk making education guesses.
Tell them about the assumptions, guesses and judgments that came to your mind while they were talking. Risk being wrong, or offending them. Allow them to correct you.
Over time, if you listen to their feedback, you’ll notice yourself getting it right more often. Nothing sells coaching like a client being blown away at how well you know them despite having almost no information to go on!
#7 If you buy their excuses and stories, you both lose
If their reasons for struggling are believed by you, then they have no chance of changing the narratives that hold them back.
No matter how legitimate their excuses and barriers seem to be, you must disagree and be skeptical.
I don’t care if my client is physically disabled, or up to their neck in debt, or taking care of a dying parent, or crippled by anxiety. None of these things are legitimate excuses for poor behaviour, harmful decisions, and absences of integrity… even if I use those same excuses myself!
So when someone says, “I couldn’t do [important integrity action] because [extremely believeable excuse]”, your response must always be, “Why is that a good reason not to live with integrity?” as if you just heard the biggest line of bullshit ever expressed.
#8 Your coaching quality is welded to your health and wellbeing
New coaches are especially prone to self-neglect when getting their businesses off the ground. They kiss goodbye to their fitness regime, social life and hobbies, and give it all to their business.
Isn’t that a tad hypocritical for someone who’s supposed to be helping their clients create a wonderful life for themselves?
You must live what you preach. If nothing else, the more tired, stressed, distracted and unhealthy you are, the worse your coaching is, and therefore your business suffers.
If you can’t find one hour per day to take care of your basic needs, you’re lying to yourself.
#9 It’s not You vs Client — it’s both of you together vs their resistance
Sometimes you’ll get frustrated with your clients because they seem to fighting against your noble and wise attempts to help them.
But it’s not them you’re fighting against, it’s their resistance to change. They are suffering from this even more than you are. They are victims too.
Don’t be mad at them, be mad for them.
Put it this way: if they didn’t struggle with this resistance, they wouldn’t have gotten coaching in the first place. This resistance is why you’ve been hired! This is the reason they’re here!
If you can’t handle a resistant client, you’re in the wrong business.
#10 You must go where you’re both afraid to go — coaching is leading
The most powerful coaching happens when you get out of your comfort zone, not them.
There are truths you want to say and areas you know you need to explore, but you’re scared. You’re scared of hurting them, or losing them, or being wrong and making them think you’re not a good coach.
Go there anyway.
Offend them by denying the accuracy of their beliefs. Challenge them by forcing them to see they are responsible for their entire lives. Shock them by pointing out that their favourite strategy keeps backfiring. Accuse them of lying to themselves.
You’ll either lose them forever (rare) or completely transform their life. It’s worth the risk if you really care about people.
Business mindset principles
#1 It’s all built on powerful service — nothing else matters
The odd irony of this post is that the business and the coaching are one and the same: all you’re doing is adding value to people’s lives.
If there’s anything you’re doing that does not have the intention of improving someone’s life, then it’s not worth doing.
Most unsuccessful (or fraudulent) coaches focus on things other than serving others; things like making more money, becoming an influencer, or impressing people with their knowledge.
Before you do anything in this business, look at the task in front of you and ask yourself, “Who does this serve directly, and how?” If you don’t have a clear answer, then do something else.
(The exception is the obvious legal admin stuff like taxes).
#2 You’re playing a long game — 1% increments of improvement
Forget overnight success, and think more about building a wall one small brick at a time.
Each day think about a small but significant thing you could do to add even more value to your audience and the people you wish to serve.
Maybe it’s a better microphone for your videos. Maybe it’s a new coaching technique. Maybe it’s a book recommendation. Maybe it’s adding another platform to share your ideas. Maybe it’s posting a vulnerable story that role-models shamelessness.
One new thing each day leads to massive improvements in a year, 5 years, and beyond. This is a marathon, not a sprint. Avoid quick-fix tactics and desperate spending on snake-oil coach training companies.
Give yourself 10 years to make this work, not 10 weeks.
#3 Your business is nothing more than a collection of valuable relationships
A simple formula for creating a long-standing, highly reputable and financially successful coaching business is to build deep and powerful relationships with people one at a time.
Every day, you should be engaged in two activities more than anything else: strengthening current relationships, and creating new relationships.
A successful coaching business is essentially nothing more than a database of meaningful connections; people who always think of your name whenever they want support and guidance and mentorship.
Be so valuable that you’re the only person people think of when they eventually realise, “I need some coaching”.
#4 Regarding new prospects: they could be anything or anyone
Let go of hopes and expectations when you eagerly interact with a new “prospect”. Even labelling them in this way creates neediness and pressure, which will undermine your coaching.
Treat each new person as limitless potential. Sure, it’d be nice if they become an ideal client, but maybe they’ll be a friend, or a confidant, or even an enemy!
You don’t know what they’ll end up being, so let go of any preconceived ideas and just let them become whatever they’re supposed to be.
And don’t limit who they are. You might think they don’t look like ideal coaching material, but at least have an exploratory session with them before you make a final call. You’d be amazed at how many people surprise you.
#5 Financial security is more about management of money than income
Financial anxiety is the leading cause of coaches tanking their businesses. It creates neediness, instant gratification seeking, and disastrous short-term thinking and business decisions.
The best way to manage this anxiety is to control your spending.
I recommend the book “Profit First” by Mike Michalowitz. Use a system that ensures you never go broke no matter how much you earn.
In simple terms, never pay yourself more than 50% of your gross revenue, and always put aside at least 20% for taxes — consider that money as already gone.
Reduce both your personal and business spending until you feel safe about not signing up any new clients this month.
#6 Assume the whole world is watching you at all times: BE your business and brand
Hypocrisy is a death-sentence for coaches. If you’re seen to preach it without living it, you become instantly unbelievable.
The best content you can create is real-life coverage of how you actually live what you teach, with all the imperfections, relapses, fails and struggles of a normal human being.
Being a coach isn’t about being perfect. It’s about showing that you understand WHY people struggle, and can therefore help them with their efforts.
A good trick I’ve found is to create long form videos, and then use an app like Opus to easily create tonnes of short videos automatically for daily posting.
#7 Your best ‘leads’ are current and former clients
As the old saying goes, “There are diamonds in your backyard”.
Coaching is a unique business in that you only need a few great clients to be financially successful. This isn’t Walmart, where a huge quantity of people spend a small amount of money and the customer turnover is high.
In the future, most of your business will be repeat business. Your best potential new clients are the people you’ve already coached!
Most of your service efforts should go to your clients and former clients. New people should never be prioritised over those who already value you — that should be obvious (but for some reason it isn’t to most coaches).
When launching a new product or service, always prioritise going to the people who have bought from you before.
#8 The client decides how valuable the coaching is
Imposter Syndrome and the old “not good enough” story plagues coaches throughout their career. This is aggravated by a harsh truth in the coaching business: the client is the one who decides if you’re good enough.
You’ve either blown their mind and served them powerfully, or you haven’t. And strangely enough, they decide if this has happened, not you.
So relax about rejections. You don’t control them. If you showed up and did your best, it’s now out of your hands.
You can’t convince someone of your value if they don’t already see it in a coaching session. It just means you’re not a good fit for each other.
Think of it like dating: rather than trying to be more attractive, focus on finding people who are attracted to you as you are.
By the way, whenever someone says “I can’t afford you” they’re really saying “You’re not good enough at coaching me for me to want to spend this money”. Harsh but true. But this doesn’t mean you suck at coaching in general, you just aren’t for them.
#9 Start with who you know
You don’t have to only find strangers for clients. Your current social circle and connections are where most of the gold lies.
I’m not advocating the dreadful MLM approach of soliticiting your old high school buddies to sign up to some scammy bullshit. But you should be focused on serving the people you know and love before looking for people you’ve never met.
Before you even think about things like cold-calling or advertising or “reaching out”, you should have made a list of everyone you know (really!) and have exhausted that list first.
Serve these people first and foremost.
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#10 No dead ends
Most of the people you make contact with aren’t interested in coaching right now. But dismissing them is a mistake.
People should have the experience of infinite contact with you. That means no matter how they have contact with you, there should always be a next step on offer.
If they watch one of your videos, it should end with an invitation for them to email you their thoughts about it.
If they have an initial coaching session, it should end with booking in a follow up session.
If they say no to coaching right now, you should respond with an invitation to join your online group.
Whenever you get contact information, it should be added to your list and this list should regularly receive freely given valuable content.
Until you get a restraining order or equally obvious “Leave me the fuck alone!” message from them, treat them as if they will get coaching from you later providing you keep serving them until then.
If you found this article helpful and wish to accelerate the growth of your own coaching business, get in touch to be waitlisted for my exclusive coach-training protege program (only one spot available at a time) — dan@brojo.org.