The number 1 threat to any relationship – platonic, professional or romantic – is CONTEMPT.
Contempt is the feeling of looking down on someone from an arrogant height of superiority; seeing them as inferior, worth less, or even worthless. Dr. John Gottman’s research on relationships found that contempt was the best predictor of divorce.
But this can be prevented by understanding the build-up: RESENTMENT.
Resentment is the sense of unfairness that you attach to not getting things exactly the way you prefer combined with blame towards a specific person for being the barrier to your desired outcome.
When we try to control other people, we begin the process of resentment. We convince ourselves that they control our lives, even as we try to control theirs.
As other people are not yours to control, it’s inevitable that eventually you won’t get your way.
But rather than being a mature and rational adult about it, your most likely response to getting denied is to feel resentment toward the person who got in the way.
Things you can’t control about other people:
– their feelings
– their thoughts
– their beliefs
– their preferences
– their changes of mood
– their desire toward you
– their goals
– their ANYTHING
Things you can control about other people:
Your resentment is irresponsible. If you want to enjoy your life, it’s on you to build a confident mindset and freedom lifestyle that makes that possible. No one gets in your way – you simply hand your power over to them when you try to control them.
Let your partner be whatever they’re gonna be. Let your boss decide for themselves. Let your friends believe whatever bullshit they want. REACT to these things in a way that benefits you, without any attempt to change them.
This is how you prevent contempt.
Dan’s Top Resources
Dan has 3 bestselling non-fiction books available in both written and audio form:
- The Naked Truth, his latest release, shows you how radical honesty builds self-confidence and relationships
- Nothing to Lose explores how to build confidence from the inside by correcting the programming in your brain
- The Legendary Life is a very practical, action-focused guide on how to plan and execute a life plan that brings you your ideal lifestyle
Dan continues to put out high quality online self-paced courses through the Udemy platform
- Nice Guy Recovery: how to transform from a people pleaser into a confident beast.
- Shamelessness: how to relieve yourself of the “not good enough” story
- Powerful Honesty: takes you through step-by-step development of your communication skills to be more charismatic and powerful in your honesty
- The 3X Confidence and Authenticity Masterclass program: use the famous 3X Model to build confidence in all areas of life
- Financial Freedom for Beginners: includes everything from budgeting, to getting a raise, to investing in the stock market, to starting a side-business and more
- Overcoming Your Fear of Rejection… Permanently!: covers the psychology of “rejection” and what actions to take to make yourself immune to the fear of it