I could say I love my wife — but my range of emotions around her changes all the time. I can go for hours without even thinking about her.

Does that mean I still love her?

She’s literally out of my mind, like she doesn’t exist, for periods of time.

Do I have to be thinking about her constantly for it to count? It’s hard for me to measure.

But here’s what I know: when she’s here, when she’s around me, I’m kind towards her.

I pay attention to her.

I make sure we’re doing fun things together.

I support her when she’s down.

I encourage her to achieve her goals.

As far as I’m concerned, that’s love.

If I’m not doing those things, then I’m not being loving.

I don’t get to say that I love her if I’m treating her badly.

If I shout at her, slam doors, or insult her, I wouldn’t consider myself to be loving her. I couldn’t say, “I love my wife,” while doing those behaviors — because they contradict.

This is especially true for parents. You say you love your kids — but do you treat them lovingly?

Do they feel respected by you? Do they feel your patience and compassion?

Do they feel like you give a shit about them, that you listen to them, that you care about what they’re interested in?

Do you know the names of their best friends? Do you know what their favorite activity is? Do you actually behave lovingly towards them?

To dive deeper into this topic, check out the original video here: