CONNECT WITH DAN

So you had a “bad day”?

Nearly everyone has bad days… or claims to. In this video:

– we challenge the notion that causes people to dismiss entire days as a loss

– question words like bad, shit, worst…

– look into the idea that an entire 24 hours has been ruined and can be dismissed as worthless

– two concepts to challenge: bad and day

– truth – the only thing that can ruin your day is claiming your day is ruined


 

To make sure your mindset doesn’t ruin your days, get in touch for coaching dan@brojo.org

 


Full transcript (unedited)

A tudy was done recently on people who claim to have had a bad night’s sleep. And what the study found is that if people told themselves that they had a good night’s sleep, they felt like they did. And eventually had a day that was full of energy and so on, like you would if you slept well. And the people who told themselves that they didn’t sleep well, or lethargic and grumpy and had a bad day, you might say, what didn’t matter was how long they actually slept. The narrative about the sleep is what decided what kind of day they ended up having. And that’s that kind of psychology I want you to keep in mind today, as we explore and challenge the idea that you can have a bad day. Now nearly everyone on the planet at some point in time and said, I’m having a bad day or have had a bad day, some people even claim to have had bad weeks, months or even years. In it, what if it is not actually true? What difference would that make? Today, I want to challenge the notion that you’ve ever had a bad day, for a couple of reasons. One is I always want to challenge people when they’re lying to themselves and to others. But also, because you have such a limited amount of days on this planet few to dismiss an entire day, or indeed weeks or months, when it’s not really necessary. And when it doesn’t benefit your life means you suffer a great loss that you didn’t need to suffer. It means when you look back over your life, you’re going to see days missing that you dismissed. And yet, you could actually have those days as part of your memory banks and have enjoyable moments and memories from those days, they might use different words, you might say you had a bad day or shit day or it’s the worst day ever, or doesn’t really matter how you choose the words for this particular language. What’s important is this concept that an entire 24 hour period, or whatever it is that you consider to be a day, you know, since you woke up, is essentially written off. Because you didn’t fully enjoy it, or you felt pain. That’s what we’re talking about here. And that’s what we’re going to challenge. So within the statement, I’ve had a bad day, there’s two concepts to challenge. One is bad. And the other is day. And we’re going to challenge both to kind of open up your mind here. Let’s start with bad. Take a moment, stop and think about it. What do you mean, when you say bad, or whatever word it is you use shit awful, whatever word it is. What do you mean, one thing I’ve noticed is that people actually use quite catastrophic words for an awful day, a horrible day, worst day ever. There’s a real risk with people choosing this kind of language, because this is a hierarchy of these words. If I say something’s good, and then I say something else is awesome, awesome is way better than good. And amazing is better than awesome. So if I say something bad, and I say it’s shit. And then I say it’s horrible as as devastating. I said, it’s a tragedy, I’m going down a kind of hierarchy of pain here. And what I found, especially in the modern age, more than anything I’ve seen before, is that people like to use quite extremist language. And yet, they don’t change the meaning of the words. So they might see on the news of flood kills 200,000 people, and they say that’s terrible. And then later that week, they say I’ve had a terrible day, because their insurance didn’t come out as quickly as they wanted it to. They don’t change the meaning of terrible though. So what they’re saying is that they’re not getting their insurance on time is as bad as 200,000 people dying in a flood. And you’ll have noticed yourself doing this all the time. You can do it the other way as well. You might say that’s awesome. When talking about the Pyramids of Giza, right, this fantastic creation done by human beings. And then you’ll say it’s awesome when gases a slightly lower price than usual. So you’re saying somebody’s building the pyramids and a discount on gas are equally great? Because you don’t change the meaning? And language forms reality? What do you think those words mean? is what you’ll attach emotionally to the situation. So if you say I’ve had a terrible day, what you’re saying is I’ve had a day that’s as bad as a flood that kills 200,000 people. You don’t think about it consciously like this, but your emotions react to it, you actually have grief for your day. So if hundreds of people have died, notice that you’re doing this. When you say you’ve had a bad day, whatever word is, as you choose to use, compare it to what what does bad mean Exactly. Start with your own life. Think of say the worst day of your life. I don’t mean to bum you out, but try and bring it up the most horrible day that you would never want to repeat out of all the days of your life. Maybe it’s the day you were abused. Maybe it’s a day someone important to you died, maybe it’s a day that so I’m crashing truth was delivered to you that just wrecked your whole life. Whatever it is. Take that as like the benchmark that’s the worst day that you can remember having. And then whatever other day you call bad or indeed worse. Ask yourself where does it rate according to that day, I’m using the same language. Oh, so that was a bad day. You know, when someone told me that my parents weren’t my real parents and that I had been kidnapped. That was a terrible day. And then I just said, I had a terrible day because someone backed into me in the car park. And now I have to get this dance taken out of the front of my car. I’m saying these two are equal. Is that true? So look at the comparison, just within your own life. When you say something’s a bad day, ask yourself How bad is it compared to my worst day? And then if you want to get really philosophical about this, you want to do about the only comparison to other people that I’d actually endorse. Ask yourself, What does a bad day mean for other people around the world? Think of child soldiers in Sierra Leone? What was a bad day like for them? You know? Did they get raped and then murder a bunch of people, including their own family? That’s a bad day? Or do you think you know, what’s a bad day for somebody in Siberia? Freezing and starving to death? Or having to kill your own baby? Because there’s not enough resources to feed it? That’s a bad day. How’s that compared to your bad day? You know, when you’re a bit late for work, and the local bakery didn’t have the sandwich that you prefer? You know, is it fair to call your day a bad day? Or were those people that you can imagine comparing to consider your life to be fucking heavenly, that they would do anything to trade with you that they will consider your bed day, an absolute blessing from the gods. So you throw around the word bad or whatever word it is used to describe your day, without much thought you don’t think you’re doing much with that word, but what you’re actually saying is that your life is horrific. You’re saying that your life is like being in the gas chambers at Auschwitz, when it’s really fucking not the fact that you’re watching this video means that you haven’t need access, it means that you have access to basic electronics. And we can extrapolate from there, there’s a good chance there’s clothing on your back that there’s a roof over your head when you sleep, there’s a chance said but a pretty good chance you’re not food insecure, like you know where your next meal is coming from. And for a vast majority of you in that group, there’s also the people who don’t have a terminal illness, the people who have loved ones, the people there are able to do something productive with the time, and so on. Most of the people watching this video, probably you included, have by comparison to the rest of the human race, incredibly blessed lives, you’re crushing it, compared to say, most of the people in the middle of the African continent or most of the people in the Asian continent, or other places where quality of life as third world, and things are tough. And they don’t even have time to watch YouTube videos. Because they got to figure out where the fuck the next meal is coming from, well, they got to dodge bullets, or they got to avoid the secret thought police or whatever the fuck it is that they have to deal with, that you can’t even imagine. Because you’re complaining that you know, the milk that you just poured on your cereal was a little bit off. And that ruined your day. Keeping that in mind that kind of idea. Like maybe I shouldn’t be using the word bad. Let’s talk about the word Day. Day could be the last 24 hours. If you’re looking back over your day and saying that was a bad day. You’re thinking from the moment you went to sleep last night and all now? Well, I think most people when they think of day, they really mean like since they woke up until now. They’ll say I had a bad day. Well, how much of that period of time whatever you call a day, how much of it? Were you actually in pain, suffering and misery? How many minutes or hours of their day? Can you say yes, objectively speaking, I was suffering anybody else put in my possession when I said that bad when I’m going through. Because you’re saying when you say a bad day, you’re saying the whole period of time, whatever the start is to now was awful the whole way through without a break. You didn’t even get a breath of air out of that whole day. It was just nothing but suffering. Like being on the torture rack for an entire period of time or going through Navy SEALs hell week or something like that. You’re saying you didn’t even get a breather. You making this massive kind of broad brush thing here where you’re saying, doesn’t matter if there are pockets of goodness or neutrality. I’m just gonna say the whole thing was bad. Which is a fucking lie, doesn’t it? If you manage to eat a meal, go to the toilet. Sit down for a minute. If you had even a few seconds that weren’t suffering, then it’s a lie to say you had a bad day. If you’re lying to yourself, and you’re lying to others, when you tell it as a significant lie, it might you might think, Well, I’m generalizing, and people know I’m generalizing. And I know I’m generalizing, or No, actually you don’t. Because when you remember, you’re gonna say that was a bad day. And you’re gonna mean, the whole day sucked. You’re gonna mean, well, when I say I had a bad day, it actually meant I had a bad 33 minutes out of a 12 hour period. And overall, I’d say pussy, that’s actually pretty good day. You’re not really saying that using actually the whole 12 hour period sucked, I write that day off in my memory, I have a bad life, because I have a lot of those days and so on. And you create this whole narrative about how you’re suffering way more than you’re actually suffering. Especially when you ask yourself how bad was the day, if I was to remove the narrative, I’m having a bad day. Just like the study I mentioned, at the start, the people who were having, you know, only four or five hours of sleep a night, if they told themselves that they had a good sleep, then they didn’t actually suffer at all from that amount of sleep, or very little. Whereas the people who had a full eight hours and then told themselves, I had a bad sleep, the whole day was ruined, so to speak. The narrative decided how well the day went, the physical nature of their sleep actually mattered very little. And we can say the same about having a bad day. How much actual physical pain you and do it in a day, matters very little. For example, there are people like David Goggins, who enjoy going through Navy SEALs Hell Week, right? nothing but pain all day long. They’re like, Fuck, yeah, give me some more. So physical pain wasn’t a problem for them. They enjoy it. They’re rare type of person, but they exist, or somebody like getting a tattoo. Ours now is under the needle. But you don’t say I had a bad day at the end of that. So Fuck, yeah, I got a tattoo. So pain isn’t the problem. And there are other people who if you watch them all day long, you’d be thinking nothing bad happened to them. And yet, they’ll tell you they had a bad day and that they were suffering and in pain the whole day. Well, what was happening then. So okay, they were in traffic, but traffic’s normal, nothing bad. They’re just sitting in a car, or, you know, they couldn’t find a parking space, but they’re still just sitting in a car for a little bit longer. And then they park and then they go to work. And you know, the boss was a bit mean to them. But I mean, he didn’t hit them or anything, they still got their job, and they steal the money in the bank, and so on, you’d watch all this and go, where’s actually the suffering. And they’ll tell you they an awful day. But if you go into the head with some sort of philosophical surgical instrument, and remove the story, I’m having a bad day. And then ask them how’s your day, their process? Fine. pretty average day, not too bad. A couple of moments of frustration, capital A moments where things didn’t go my way. But isn’t that just life. And that would be the accurate description of what happened. If your whole family dies suddenly. And you’re left alone and bewildered and confused and grieving? Fair enough. It’s very unlikely had many moments of joy or even neutral feeling in that day. That’s a bad day. That’s a whole day, where you’re basically in suffering and misery and pain without a break. How many of those days have you actually had some of you had those days? Some of you those were weeks. But then it only kept hurting because you kept telling yourself it was bad. There’s actually like a grief guilt that people get. You’re grieving over, like the loss of something big. And then you feel bad because you’re not grieving. You know, maybe it’s only a few days after your dad dies and you laugh at something you shouldn’t be laughing. Actually, it’s fine. It’s fine to not suffer all the time. But you tell yourself, no, I’m having a bad week because my dad died. You don’t want to even acknowledge the fact now it’s not a whole week, actually. It’s a lot of hours. But there’s been respite. There’s been a wases in that grief of times where you felt all right. That’s the truth. And you’re allowed to have that truth. Rather than use word day. You want to use moment, minute phase of time period. Stop writing off entire days out of your very limited calendar on this planet. And you’ll notice that your whole life isn’t actually that bad either. I mean, there are people who are suicidal on a certain day, and it later their day, they’re laughing at something. You can’t even say that’s a bad day. You can say you had a bad couple of hours. Sure. You want to kill yourself. But then you’re watching some YouTube family guy or something. He had a bit of a giggle Well, that’s a patent break. You’re now actually having a slightly good time at least for a brief period. So you can’t say the whole day sucked. It will be a lie, which leaves us with the truth. The truth is the only thing that can really ruin your day is you telling yourself that your day is ruined. Hope you enjoyed the video. Thank you so much for watching. Please subscribe and click the notifications button to keep up to date with all our bullshit. Of course if you want help changing your psychology to enjoy your days more, don’t forget to get in touch dan@brojo.org I’ll see you next time.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

JOIN BROJO TODAY

Confidence | Clarity | Connection

No more people-pleasing, Nice Guy Syndrome, or confidence issues.

The BROJO community will make sure you achieve your goals and build your self-worth with the support of members and coaches from all over the world.