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Should you confront someone who’s already feeling bad?

One of the biggest difficulties with confrontations is that it just never seems to be the “right time”.

Even when you finally work up the courage and commit to standing up for yourself, suddenly it seems like LIFE just gets in the way.

One of the most challenging examples of this is when the person that you need to confront is already struggling with some personal issues, or they have ongoing trauma – i.e. they generally struggle with life and it never looks like they’re in a good spot to be confronted.

Maybe they just lost their job. Or they got an injury. Or someone else just confronted them. Or they’re a bit tired and grumpy. Or they’re too busy to talk. Or they’re always an emotional mess and seem like they’re on the edge of exploding at all times.

And of course, because you’re already feeling avoidant of confrontation, you’re going to be hypersensitive to signals that say “Not right now” and feel that these signals are reliable evidence for rational reasons not to speak up.

You’ve got to understand: you’re not helping the person by putting it off! You’re really not.

You don’t have to come at them unnecessarily hard, and you don’t have to kick them while they’re down (i.e. you can just state your case once and then leave it). But there will never be a “good” time to bring this up.

It’s now or never.

And another thing to consider – and this is one of the main reasons I think that confrontations are helpful rather than harmful: there’s a really good chance that whatever misery you’re seeing in them is in some way related to them not having the full truth to work with. There’s a good chance that previous dishonesty and cowardice from others has left them fragile, repeating mistakes, and unaware of their own behaviour.

So don’t deny them that truth, and don’t pussy out just because they’re a bit sad. Almost no one ever wants to be confronted right now, but if you don’t then things will get even worse.


If you’d like the courage to confront in a helpful way whenever you need to, then check out my Powerful Honesty course (free sample video here)

2 Responses

  1. If someone really says something like “Not now, leave me alone!” then you can calmly wait, but make sure you refuse to discuss anything else first – this is next

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