Should I meet people who aren’t “my type”?

A coaching client I’m working with asked my opinion when it comes to trusting your intuition about whether you should approach someone, say hi to them, meet them, etc.

He was referring particularly to that story we have in our head about whether they’re our “type” of person. He’s asking if we should avoid people when we don’t feel that they’re our type right away based on first impressions.

And what I’d say is, it depends…

If you are somebody who’s really socially abundant – you’ve got great close friends, you’re really good at creating new connections and dating and you do that kind of stuff frequently, and you’ve been socializing authentically for a long time – then yes, trust your intuition because it will probably be accurate.

But if you’re someone who doesn’t have many friends or has stuck with the same old group since high school, or doesn’t have a partner and finds dating difficult, and struggles to make new friends, then the exact opposite is true.

If you aren’t experienced and skilled in making new connections with good-fit people, then you don’t even know what your “type” is! You don’t have “intuition” because intuition is based on experience and expertise.

That sense of doubt you get with first impressions is probably your avoidant attachment style trying to dismiss people on irrelevent pseudo-evidence to prevent intimacy and rejection.

If this is the case, then you should be challenging it by deliberately meeting new people you feel reluctant about, to better improve your intuition.

For more on this topic, check out my video “Nice Guys with an Avoidant Attachment Style”

One Response

  1. One way to check this is to ask yourself, “Have I initiated conversations with 1000 new people?” If your number is less, then you don’t have intuition, it’s just fear

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