[Short] Why do people pleaser couples wait so long to fix this?

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Why do people pleaser couples wait so long to fix things?
Daily Dose of Integrity

So unfortunately, for the trillionth time, a couple has come to me for coaching far too late.

Most of the time, when people get in touch with me they’re either nice guys and people pleasers, or they’re the partners of there guys. And they’re desperate to fix what is clearly already a destroyed relationship.

People pleasing is like that analogy about slowly boiling a frog in water. It takes a long time to build enough resentment and distance to destroy a relationship, and yet you can feel the temperature changing right from the beginning if you pay attention.

When you see signs of people pleasing and fakery early in the relationship, such as being overly agreeable, sacrificing your needs for the other person’s preferences, an suppressing negative feelings / avoiding conflict, you need to treat that as seriously as major breaches of boundaries or ethical violations, because it will escalate.

It doesn’t get better, and it doesn’t stay the same. It always gets worse.

And usually, by the time people are actually motivated to do something about it, so much damage has been done and so much resentment has built that it’s unfixable.

So reach out sooner than that, or otherwise you’re just going to waste your time learning a hard lesson and missing out on a better relationship.


If you’re concerned that you or your partner’s people pleasing is going to escalate into a serious problem, stop that train from derailing with my Nice Guy Syndrome Recovery course

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