The other day I saw political commentator Konstantin Kisin talking about how there are no solutions, there are just “trade-offs”. He was talking about how when you vote for one policy, you must accept there will be negative downsides (i.e. different problems), and that all policies have this issue.
I’ve never thought about it this way before, and it’s so true, especially for recovering Nice Guys and people pleasers who are looking to become more honest and live with integrity.
You’ve got to understand there is no pathway that has no problems. There are always trade-offs.
If you’re going to be more honest, there will be consequences to that, and some of those consequences will be unpleasant. Being honest means more confrontations, less approval (probably), awkward experiences, and losing connections that were never real to begin with.
In return, you get confidence, freedom, deep connections, a lifestyle and career that suits you, and a sense of living with meaning and purpose.
You have to ask yourself if that’s a better deal than the consequences of being dishonest and being a people pleaser; consequences of losing who you are, only having fake connections, building an unsatisfying career, being filled with anxiety and depression, and carrying shame all the time.
In return for people pleasing, you get some people liking you… sort of… based on a false representation of yourself… and that’s about it.
You’ve got to decide if those problems are better or worse than the problems of being honest.
The option with no problems does not exist.