There’s one thing that all abusive relationships have in common in order for them to remain abusive, whether its the abuse of a child, or an adult, or anybody, and that is keeping secrets.

See it’s almost impossible to abuse someone who won’t keep a secret, because they won’t keep the abuse a secret. They won’t keep how they feel a secret while the abuse is happening.

The thing you must always keep in mind: abusers do not want to get caught. That is their primary rule: do not get caught.

And if you’re the kind of person that talks if someone does something to you, they’re going to get caught, and if they realise this then abuse is far less likely to happen to you.

Keeping secrets prevents the abuse from being called out into the light for everyone to see.

If you have no secrets, it’s very, very hard to manipulate you, which means it’s almost impossible to abuse you. If you’re the kind of person who tells everyone what happens to you, then it’s really hard for someone to get away with it.

So, I want to throw a controversial idea out there: keep no secrets… about anything personal to yourself… ever!

P.S. When educating a child about the dangers of being abused, one of the best things you can teach them is to tell you immediately if anyone is asking them to keep secrets. This is much more effective than telling them to be afraid of strangers, because frankly speaking: the person most likely to abuse them is someone they already know.

P.P.S. Keeping other people’s personal information confidential is a different matter. This newsletter is about people abusing you or making you keep your own feelings and experiences a secret.

• If you want to harness the power of honesty to make it impossible for people to manipulate and abuse you, then email me dan@brojo.org with “Powerful Honesty” to get a big discount on my Powerful Honesty: Develop Superior Communication Skills course
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