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A lot of my nice guy clients claim to have a fear of rejection.

They often claim that somebody abandoning them or disliking them or disagreeing with them is their greatest fear. They tremble at the thought of someone saying No.

And yet when you watch their behavior, you’ll see that they regularly do things that sabotage relationships and opportunities and leave them feeling alone. They seem to have no real problem self-creating the consequences of rejection.

What I’ve found almost every time, when I dig in deep, is that nice guys are more afraid of being The Rejector!

Nice Guys have strong empathy for the pain of rejection, combined with a horrendous fear of conflict and a powerful desire to be seen as a good person. This combination makes saying No to others nearly impossible.

They don’t mind other people ending things. They just don’t want to be the one who disagrees or rejects or says, “No I don’t like you” in some way. And so they set it up so that other people do that hard work for them.

They’ll become a boring boyfriend, or even allow themselves to be caught cheating. They’ll slack off at work to get fired even after being given clear performance improvement plans. They’ll constantly be unavailable until their friends give up on inviting them places.

And if you’re a nice guy, once you realize this you will see it throughout all of your relationships. You’ve been the one getting them to end it because you’re too scared of that confrontation.

Is that what a good person would do?

• If you want to become a responsible and powerful person who can handle both giving and receiving rejections, then check out my Overcoming Fear of Rejection… Permanently course
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