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[Short] The core reason why we’re afraid of rejection

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The fundamental belief at the heart of being afraid of rejection is taking it personally.

It’s this idea that if someone doesn’t like me, as “proven” by their rejection, that is confirmation that there is something wrong with me. This is some sort of accurate, unbiased judgment, and I’m getting feedback from the Universe on how bad I am as a person.

In other words, it’s believing that a rejection is “feedback about me”.

See, the kind of people who blast through rejection and have no problem with it are the people who don’t have this belief.

They understand that a person’s rejection is just a sign of their personal preferences.

I once had a girl reject me, only to later discover that she was a lesbian. Was that about me, or about her preferences? What if her reason was because she preferred Latin guys?

I’ve had many potential coaching clients say no to my coaching. Sometimes they don’t want to invest in coaching with anyone, sometimes they want a different coach, sometimes they don’t like my philosophy. Are these problems with me, or simply preferences that they already had before they met me?

If you were to offer someone vanilla ice cream and they said, “No thanks I don’t like vanilla,” you wouldn’t take that personally. It’s just their flavour preference. But if you offered them yourself and they say, “No thanks I don’t want you,” then you take that personally…

As if someone’s preference about people is more meaningful than their taste in ice cream.

When you realize that that’s all it is, somebody’s just saying, “You’re not my flavor, go find someone else,” it won’t hurt so much.

It’s egotistic and delusional to think someone else’s preferences have anything to do with you. They were there before you arrived. A “rejection” is simply discovery of their preferences. It’s not really a form of feedback at all.


If you’d like to free yourself from taking things personally, then check out my Overcoming Your Fear of Rejection… Permanently course.

OR, you can become a paid subscriber to this newsletter for $19/month and get unlimited access to ALL my courses, and extra support from me personally!

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