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[Short] “Oneitis”: The Avoidant Disease the stops Nice Guys from getting a girlfriend

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If you are a nice guy who also has what’s called avoidant attachment, which means you don’t really want people to get in close and intimate because you’re worried that they’ll hurt you. Then you’re going to be, particularly prone to something called “one-itis.” One-itis is simply becoming obsessed with one girl, to the point where it even feels disloyal to be interested in other girls, even though you don’t have a relationship with this girl. You’ve got to be wary of one-itis because what it is, is a substitute relationship. It’s being really interested in someone that deep down you know nothing is actually going to happen with and this allows you to have what feels like a relationship without all the risk of intimacy, in the risk of actually having a real relationship. So when you’re really into someone that you don’t really have a chance with, you’ve got to see this as a kind of an illusion that keeps you single.

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