[Short] How to stop getting distracted by self doubt

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So at the heart of Nice Guy Syndrome and people-pleasing is this yearning for a “smooth problem-free life”. It’s this vague idea of achieving endless pleasantness and happiness.

And this subconscious yearning affects so many of the decisions we make.

We’re always trying to make situations emotionally smooth and problem-free in the hope that that will last forever. We get distressed, frustrated, confused and unmotivated when things aren’t immediately easy and comfortable and successful.

One of the ways that this really affects us is something I call the doubt distraction.

It mostly happens when we start something new, say a new strategy for working out or for doing sales at work or for dating. We try it a little bit and then we start to doubt that it’s going to work because we don’t get immediately gratifying results and life isn’t immediately smooth and problem-free.

This leads to a pattern of constantly being distracted by new ideas and going off on tangents, constantly hunting for a “better” strategy.

The end result, of course, is that we never stick to things long enough to achieve mastery level, ironically preventing any chance of something ever becoming smooth and easy.

The solution to stop constantly changing things just because of self doubt is to set a long-term deadline that will give you valid measurements, like a month or a year from now, and sticking with it no matter how much doubt comes up until you hit that measurement milestone.

New workout plan? Do it for at least 3 months without changing anything.

Going to try being more honest on your dates? Do it for at least 20 dates before you decide if it works.

Want to start a YouTube channel? Do it the same way for at least 12 months before you measure results and make adjustments.

Quick note: July is the final month where I’ll be offering daily discounts on my courses (below). From August they will all either be full price or reduced by Udemy’s promotions (much smaller discounts), so get them while they’re cheap!

One Response

  1. All my 34 year marriage my husband had a few peculiar habits he did. But when he walked out (with me not knowing there was a problem ) and leaving a small note on graft paper, along with divorce papers and a spread sheet for me to pay the bills and mortgage I was/ and still am devastated. One peculiar habit the last months he was at home was being over the top polite to drop by sales persons–I would ask him why he did that…he said he didn’t know ..then he started avoiding answering the door. Well I have since discovered he is a people pleaser and I have also found out the other traits he has is called…dismissive avoidant. He did have a significant trauma event happened from age 4 to 5. HIs 9 year old brother died due to a brain tumor (in the 1960’s) He died suddenly and his mother stopped going to church and shut down. He comes back to me out of guilt but I trigger him unintentionally. My family is broken, I am a mess. Is there anything you might help me with when it comes to interacting with him. I want my marriage and my family. I got him to go to something called counter-strain (supposedly helps with PTSD) since he has trouble speaking (freezing) when stressed. (Just learned all about that too)

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