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Retroactive jealousy This is the term that we give to being jealous or envious of your partner’s sexual history. It’s very common, not commonly spoken about, and often it’s unexpected like you were fine with previous partners but all of a sudden now you care about everybody that your partner’s ever kissed or fondled or had sex with, and you’re obsessed with the details and it just kills you. It’s just on your mind all the time. This is an insecurity about abandonment. It’s got nothing to do with your current partner. It’s to do with your own sense of worth, and your sense that everything is a threat to your relationship, that somebody or something’s going to take the person away from you. And you’re looking to try and solve that threat sexually. You’ve got to understand this is not about them. This is about your attachment issues and your abandonment issues and you need coaching or therapy to deal with those.
I have a podcast episode that goes deeper into this topic, check it out and let me know what you think: