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I remember a shameful incident when I was a camp counselor in the United States. I was in charge of a bunk of unruly 13 year old boys, and one night they were particularly noisy, and the next day my kind of boss at the camp the head counselor said he was disappointed in me. Now, I was at the peak of my nice guy syndrome back then, and I spent the rest of my time trying to make those boys stay in line, and he eventually rewarded me for doing so. Nowadays I can see he manipulated me. Either consciously or unconsciously he realized that the disappointment button was a huge trigger for me as a nice guy, and you’ve got to watch out for this. If you have nice guy syndrome or people-pleasing, you’ll think that disappointing others is a bad thing, but you’ve got to remember the only thing that can disappoint them is having unreasonable expectations. Their disappointment is not your fucking problem.

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