To avoid conflict, many people use the limiting belief that they’re actually doing a kindness to others by keeping their disagreements and dislikes to themselves, like it’s noble to be agreeable.

You might think by avoiding confrontations and not standing up for yourself that you’re only really creating a problem for yourself, that you’re the only one that has to bear the burden of your secret resentment.

But you’ve got to understand that everyone else involved has to bear this burden as well.

If you’ve got a partner, for example, who knows that you have a beef with somebody and you refuse to confront that somebody or let your partner bring it up, your partner now has to carry that secret. You’ve coerced them into becoming a liar around that other person.

Or if you’ve got a group of friends, and there’s one of them you don’t like and everybody else in the group knows it except for that person, now everybody in the group must carry that secret for you.

You place this burden of secrecy on other people when you’re non-confrontational or falsely agreeable, not to mention you’re also gaslighting the person you have a problem with by allowing them to believe everything is OK when it’s not.

But if you stand up for yourself then nobody else has to carry your secrets.

So you gotta ask yourself: What would a person of integrity do?

• If you’d like to release the fears that keep you silent, then check out my Overcoming Fear of Rejection… Permanently! course
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