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[Short] A hidden symptom of people pleasing syndrome

One of the hidden manifestations of the people-pleasing syndrome is that you constantly feel like you’re choosing between options.

Often it’s the false dichotomy of A vs B. Other times it can feel like a broad or even overwhelming range of options.

Regardless, you’ll feel like most of your decisions are a choice between available options. They’ve already been laid out in front of you and you have to select whichever one is most appropriate for you.

Some of you will be reading this thinking I’m just stating the most obvious, like “Of course you have to choose between options! WTF are you on about Dan?!”

It’s very hard to break out of this option-limited paradigm and see what’s happening from a detached perspective. It’s actually the fact that your options are already limited before you choose that tells you something is off about your self-confidence.

For you see, confident people create options. They don’t ask, What do I get to choose from? They ask, What would I prefer?

And then they make that happen.

They only have one choice: the thing that they want, the thing they created in their mind without any real interested in what options are already available.

People who are limited to choosing between pre-selected, already available options are in some way too insecure to go for what they really want. They’re conditioned: trying to keep the peace and trying to seek approval without even realising they’re doing it.

The next time you go to make a decision about what to have for lunch, instead of looking for available food options, close your eyes and get in touch with what you really want to eat right now, and then seek to create that meal.


  • If you’d like to build the confidence to create options without fearing what others think, then check out my Nice Guy Recovery course
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