Self Development means losing everything

You must kill the boy so that the man may emerge.

There’s a problem I often see, where people are trying to develop themselves and live with more integrity and be more confident, yet they still want to keep all the old stuff from their former life. Things like their old job and long term friendships and hobbies from childhood.

This was a life created by a person who didn’t have integrity, a person who wasn’t confident; it was created by a different you, before the development.

And the hard truth is that developing yourself requires significant changes to your external life.

You are going to have to lose some friends and gain new ones. There’s a really good chance that you’re going to have to change your job, and possibly even your whole career path. You might need to go live somewhere new, a completely different city or even a different country.

I now live on the other side of the world. I play chess instead of playing in a band. I’ve kept a few good friends and disconnected from dozens of others. I left a safe government job to start my own business. I’m married and a father instead of a free-roaming bachelor.

You can’t keep all the same shit that you built when you were a weaker, less confident person, because it will act like an anchor drawing you back down.

You’ll notice that you relapse around certain people or in certain locations. It’s like the memories of who you once were are too strong for the new you to battle.

You have to clean the slate.

Just. Let. Go.

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