This is the final in a 6-part series on how to love yourself.

We’ll look at the importance of self-kindness, emphasizing that it begins with understanding kindness towards others. To make this practical, we’ll discuss actions and words that show kindness to others and applying them to oneself.

Kindness involves recognizing and celebrating small achievements, such as exercising or managing daily tasks, and challenging negative self-narratives. Focus on realistic goals, seeking support, and adapting to current circumstances.

This video also stresses the importance of being present and resourceful, rather than striving for unattainable ideals.

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The Power of Kindness: How to Treat Yourself Like You Would a Loved One

When we talk about being kind to ourselves, it’s often easier said than done. But if we break it down, we can start by looking at how we treat others with kindness, and use that as a guide. What does being kind to someone else actually look like? It’s not just about sweet words or avoiding confrontation—it’s about showing up, supporting, and understanding.

Step One: Start with Others

Take a moment to brainstorm what kindness looks like when you’re showing it to others. Ask yourself, What would I do or say if I were being kind to a friend or loved one? Jot it down. Maybe it’s encouraging words when they’re down, maybe it’s patience when they make mistakes. Maybe it’s the way you react to their successes or failures. How would you support them if they were struggling? The answer is likely full of love, understanding, and compassion.

Consider a scenario where a friend has been struggling to hit a goal—say, they’ve been trying to do pull-ups at the gym. One day, they come home defeated, talking about how they didn’t meet their target. Would you scold them for not trying harder? Would you dismiss their frustration? Or would you remind them of how far they’ve come?

Recognizing Progress, Not Perfection

A kind response doesn’t add pressure or push them to be perfect. Instead, it acknowledges that they’ve been working hard, and reminds them of their accomplishments—no matter how small. Just showing up at the gym, trying, and working on personal growth is something to celebrate. It’s easy to overlook the little victories, but they matter. Survival itself is an achievement. Think about it—simply getting through the day is an accomplishment, especially in a world where it sometimes feels like life is constantly throwing challenges at us.

A kind person wouldn’t pressure their friend to keep pushing themselves to the limit when they’ve already given it their best shot. Instead, they’d reassure them, highlighting the positive and encouraging them to see the bigger picture. Life isn’t just about hitting milestones; it’s about enduring through hardships and continuing to show up.

The Truth Behind the Narrative

Kindness often involves confronting the stories we tell ourselves. Have you ever heard someone say, “I’m such a failure,” or “I have bad luck,” and instantly recognized the exaggeration in their words? The key to kindness is helping them challenge those stories. For example, if someone says they’re “broke,” it’s helpful to ask, “How much money do you actually have?” Remind them that if they have a roof over their head and food in their fridge, they’re doing far better than many others. In other words, they might not be as “broke” as they think.

Another example: If a friend has experienced multiple bereavements in a short span, it’s natural to feel a sense of overwhelming grief. But kindness isn’t about indulging the feeling of “bad luck.” It’s about gently helping them reframe the situation and recognize that while they’ve had significant loss, there are still many days where life is good. Life isn’t all doom and gloom, and sometimes a change in perspective can reveal a sense of gratitude, even in the hardest of times.

Being Honest with Yourself

When it comes to kindness toward ourselves, we need to start getting honest about the stories we tell ourselves, too. For instance, I’ve struggled with the narrative that I don’t get enough sleep. Since the birth of my daughter, sleep has been a rare commodity, with interrupted nights that leave me feeling drained. But when I reflect on it, I realize that despite being sleep-deprived, I’m still functioning. I’m doing podcasts, running my business, and engaging with life.

Am I really that sleep-deprived, or is it more about how I’m framing the situation? Kindness to myself involves questioning whether the sleep deprivation is as catastrophic as I think it is. Maybe I’m more resilient than I give myself credit for. Sometimes we indulge in self-pity, but the truth is, I’m doing just fine, even with less sleep.

Challenging Your Own Limits

Kindness means confronting the stories that limit us. It’s easy to play the victim and blame circumstances for why things aren’t going well. But here’s a reality check: if you’re still here, still pushing through despite all the challenges, you’re doing something right. Life is tough, but surviving it is a victory in itself.

Think about someone you know who is going through a tough time—perhaps they’re facing addiction, homelessness, or mental health struggles. Even getting out of bed and facing the day in such a challenging environment is an incredible feat. We often underestimate the strength it takes to keep going when life is throwing curveballs. Kindness is acknowledging this strength, both in others and in ourselves.

Stress and Overwhelm: The Unkindness of Unrealistic Expectations

Have you ever found yourself stressed out because of an overflowing to-do list? Kindness toward yourself means reevaluating what you’re asking of yourself. If your list is making you feel overwhelmed, it’s likely that you’ve overcommitted. Stress arises when we ask too much of ourselves, but if we reflect on our workload realistically, we can see that many of the tasks are optional.

If you want to reduce stress, try setting more realistic goals for your day. Create a to-do list that’s achievable, and remember that perfection isn’t the goal. It’s about making progress, not doing everything.

Get Support When You Need It

We don’t have to go through life alone. One of the toughest things I’ve had to learn is asking for help. It took me months to bring on two people to assist with my business, but once I did, I realized how much easier and more efficient life became. Sometimes, being kind to yourself means recognizing when you need support, and allowing others to help.

I’ve also had the privilege of working with clients who, despite facing incredibly tough circumstances, still manage to show up and take steps toward bettering their situation. These are people who might be dealing with addiction, homelessness, or crime, but they’re still fighting. And that’s something worth celebrating.

The Final Step: Be Present

At the end of the day, kindness is about being present with where you are. Stress comes from wishing you were somewhere else—whether it’s a different version of yourself, or a different place in life. But kindness means accepting yourself as you are, with all of your flaws, imperfections, and challenges. It’s about working with what you’ve got and making the next best move based on your current situation.

Instead of trying to push past your current limitations, be kind to yourself by accepting them and taking small, meaningful steps forward. Life is a journey, and there’s no destination you need to rush to. The goal is simply to keep going, one step at a time.

Conclusion

Kindness isn’t about making excuses or indulging in self-pity. It’s about being honest, gentle, and realistic with yourself. It’s about recognizing your strengths, challenging the negative stories you tell, and making small but impactful changes to improve your well-being. When you approach life with kindness—both toward yourself and others—you’ll find that you can handle the challenges that come your way, and continue to move forward, one step at a time.

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Thanks for reading

Hope to speak to you soon

Dan Munro