Become a confident beast with my Shamelessness course on Udemy

High school and university failed us all. While they taught us things like algebra and history, we weren’t taught any of the things we actually needed to know to create a successful, high quality life!
In this series of 6 videos, I’ll try to teach you what school failed to do:

1) How to build self confidence
2) How to be good with money
3) Dating and relationships skills
4) Confrontation skills
5) Critical thinking
6) Creative productivity

Listen on Soundcloud here:

Dan’s Top Resources

Books

Dan has 3 bestselling non-fiction books available in both written and audio form:

• The Naked Truth, his latest release, shows you how radical honesty builds self-confidence and relationships
• Nothing to Lose explores how to build confidence from the inside by correcting the programming in your brain
• The Legendary Life is a very practical, action-focused guide on how to plan and execute a life plan that brings you your ideal lifestyle

Online courses

Dan continues to put out high quality online self-paced courses through the Udemy platform

• Nice Guy Recovery: how to transform from a people pleaser into a confident beast.

• Shamelessness: how to relieve yourself of the “not good enough” story
• Powerful Honesty: takes you through step-by-step development of your communication skills to be more charismatic and powerful in your honesty
• The 3X Confidence and Authenticity Masterclass program: use the famous 3X Model to build confidence in all areas of life
• Financial Freedom for Beginners: includes everything from budgeting, to getting a raise, to investing in the stock market, to starting a side-business and more
• Overcoming Your Fear of Rejection… Permanently!: covers the psychology of “rejection” and what actions to take to make yourself immune to the fear of it

Full transcription (unedited)

Welcome back to brojo online. Today I’m going to record a podcast that will also be a series of videos about what they failed to teach you in school. This is throw Joe online, masculinity, confidence edit Tegrity one of my favorite compliments that I could possibly receive that I get on some of my videos and content is simply question, why don’t they teach this in school? Good question ask. Many of us nearly all of us left school, feeling underprepared. And as we went out into the adult world, in our 20s, we came to realize that we learned almost nothing about what we really needed to know, as I saw someone on the internet, put it the other day, thank God, we learned about parallelograms instead of taxes to really come in handy parallelogram season. This kind of problem affects all of us, and we spend the rest of our adult years trying to catch up to the education we should have had. So ultimately, you left school not knowing shit. Now make an exception primary elementary school, I think is sufficient. We need the basics of maths and writing and reading those things that kind of core functions in society. And the general gist of how to learn, I think, has taught fairly well in most primary elementary school level. So I’m going to leave that one alone. Let’s say that one is okay, up until about the age of 10. schooling is good enough. But high school and university are an absolute shambles. At the point where we get to choose subjects or we get the illusion of choice of subjects. And we’re supposed to specialize and focus in on our strengths. Were funneled, and batched into a system that only supports a very limited few types of intelligence, there’s about nine recognized types of intelligence and only about two of them are supported in school and the rest are considered optional. They’re almost shamed, really, the artistic the social, the physical, those kinds of intelligences, which of course, a lot of people have basically neglected in school, or at least given a D prioritization in the status, you’re discouraged away from them. You got to understand schools not designed to make sure you have a good life. The school system that pretty much is the same all over the world. As far as I understand it was designed during the industrial era to make you into good workers in controllable taxpayers. It’s not designed to make sure that you have a fulfilling happy life. So for you to leave school and think that that’s what I prepared you for is going to leave you very disappointed. I personally figured out how to run a business without doing any university business courses. And I learned more about psychology through specific trainings with expert people after university than I did, and my psychology degree. University itself, in my opinion, is basically a scam. And you can get the kind of education that you need from University and a far more effective and expert way, and different ways that university teachers, and both high school and university teachers are limited by curriculum. The way teaching works in schools simply doesn’t work. I basically think there should be no such thing as a career teacher, there should be retired experts who come to give their wisdom to the new batch of people in a very specific area, and niche of expertise. Most teachers are either people who just did a teaching degree and then go to high school. Or they went and got their doctorate in a university and then just stayed there as a professor to keep teaching, and then go out into the world and have a career in a specific field and then come back with all that experience and wisdom. They just kept reading from the same books that they got taught from. So I’ve challenged myself. In this podcast slash series of videos, I’m going to try and do more for you than five to 10 years of schooling did. Lesson number one thing they didn’t teach you in school, how to build self confidence seems like a kind of important one. No, considering your entire quality of life is absolutely based on how self confident you are in almost nothing else. I mean, you can have the worst luck in the world and still enjoy a life of yourself confident, and you can have the best, most abundant life in the world and still commit suicide if you’re not. So this core subject, the thing that’s more important than anything else on this planet is not taught in school. Why? Because they don’t know how to teach it. Most of the teachers I witnessed in school didn’t seem to have it themselves. You’ve got to understand nothing is more important to your quality of life and self confidence. So really, nothing should be getting more of your focus At least until it’s built, until you look in the mirror and go, I am a consistently long term self confident person I got this, then that should be the goal to get to that point. Anything else is subsidiaries should be contributing to that goal and nothing else. But you’ve got to understand what confidence is, I’m not going to go into too much detail in this video because I’ve got other pieces of content that can like pick apart the details. But you’re not saying confidence is not competence, being good at something. And feeling good about that is not the same thing as deep self confidence. Deep self confidence should be there, when you’re unskilled it should be there when you’re doing something new. It’s about feeling you have about yourself not feeling about your skills, or how well you do in a certain area. One way to look at confidence is a pie that’s cut up into different pieces. And you can work on each of the separate pieces to create the whole pie. Now, we could argue for days as to what all those pieces are, but I’m going to give you some that I think if you worked on all of these, you can be pretty damn sure you’re going to end up being confident. I know it worked for me, it works for my clients, or works for anybody I studied who became self confident. These are the key things. Courage, self respect, responsibility, curiosity, humility, philosophy, compassion, slash acceptance, and shameless integrity. In other words, honesty, those are the pieces, I’m going to give you a quick tip for a daily practice on each of those pieces that will ensure that if you were to engage in this daily practice every day, within a couple of years, you’re going to be extremely self confident. Courage. What is courage? It’s doing the thing you’re uncomfortable doing. That’s it, facing your fear. It’s about doing the thing you’d rather than not do because it’s a bit uncomfortable emotionally or physically. So how do you engage in the practice of courage every day, you choose one thing you don’t want to do that, you know, is good view, and you go and do it. Maybe it’s making an uncomfortable phone call, maybe it’s doing a workout, maybe it’s choosing the healthy meal over the delicious one, maybe it’s worth walking through the rough neighborhood instead of going the long way around the nice neighborhood, whatever it is, look for that least comfortable path all the time every day and try to take it at least once a day, the thing that you’d rather not do that you stay away from, because of brings up emotions you’re not feeling particularly safe with go into those emotions every single day. Think of it like trying to chase fear until there’s none lift. self respect, as it sounds is treating yourself as if you’re somebody you respect. Generally, what this means is confrontations and boundary setting means going for what you want standing up for what you believe in, and holding the line against people that try to encroach on that. In terms of a daily practice. It just means standing up for yourself. That means at some point, being disagreeable and confrontational with somebody. Let’s say you work in an office environment and you’re interacting with people all day, there’s no way you agree with every single thing that said, but a lot of you will behave like that. Find one thing to just stand up on a little bit, it could be as simple as saying, I don’t really like the song that’s on the radio right now, even though everyone else seems to like it. Or it could be as big as saying, you know, the way you treated me is what I consider bullying. And I’d like you to stop and everything in between. If you can’t think of anything, wait until the next time, your food that you ordered is not exactly up to standard and send it back. Anything that shows that you are willing to get uncomfortable to protect yourself. That is self respect. Responsibility, the father of all the masculine values, in my opinion, responsibility is talking and acting like you own your life. And that everything in it is a result of your own decisions. Because that’s what it is. The point you are in your life is the end result of every decision you’ve ever made. So there is really no accuracy in blame or shirking of responsibility. You made the situation happen, it’s your job to deal with it. Even if somebody else is behaving badly towards you. It’s your job to react in a healthy way. So they’re not the problem. If you can control your reactions, your behavior, if you can say this is my job, I got this as my life. It’s my job to deal with it. You’re going to feel that power. Curiosity. Assume that learning more is good for you. Does that not sound right? That being wiser is good for you. So aim to learn something every single day. It can be a fun activity where you jump on Wikipedia and select a random page and just read it. Or it could be more intense like trying to find someone who’s smarter than you and ask them questions. Or it could be just a sense of kind of humility. When you go about your day going I could be wrong, let’s find out how I am. In any way, by the end of every day, you should know a bit more than when you woke up this morning. Humility. And I kind of covered this with curiosity. But humility is just the understanding that you could be wrong, that you’re a flawed human being like everybody else, that you’re subjected to all the same sort of biases and weaknesses as any other human and seeking that out, rather than trying to pretend it doesn’t exist. A very simple daily practice is to look into an area where you feel very sure of yourself, and try to prove yourself wrong, try to find a counter argument, or a counter piece of evidence that at least slightly changes your perspective. If you do this everyday, you’re going to become a very, very wise person. Philosophy, which translates to love of wisdom, wisdom and confidence go hand in hand, the Wiser you are, the more confident you are. The best way to get wise quickly is defined wise people and go what are you know that I don’t and learn from them, you can read their books and get a mentor or a coach. Or you can simply spend as much time as possible with people you admire who seem to know more than you do. And just absorb that wisdom and try to put it into practice in your life. Compassion, slash acceptance, I’m not sure if there’s actually different things. But this is about letting the world be the way it is. To try and understand as much as possible. It’s a type of curiosity in a way, but it’s a curiosity with no goal in mind, no attempt to win. It’s about letting go. In a daily practice. This means probably trying to get to know somebody who you feel repelled by, it means spending a bit of time to stop at the bus, stop and talk to the homeless guy. It means donating a bit of your leftover money to their charitable organization. It means surrendering at the team meeting when the whole team has voted against you and just letting the loss happen. There’s lots of ways to just accept and be compassionate about life as it is, rather than trying to fight against it or trying to pretend that it isn’t that way. And lastly, my favorite shameless integrity, aka honesty, shame is the opposite of confidence. Shame is Is something wrong with me. And the way to remove that belief is to share the thing that you think is wrong with you so often, that you no longer feel that way. You can imagine it kind of in a quantitative way, if you have a big list of all these things you’re ashamed of. And you basically share them all the time until they eventually become emotionally neutral. We’re talking about them as more like self deprecating humor than it is about toxic shame, then eventually, the list will be empty. And if you’re without shame, what are you confident? So how do you do this? Every single day, you pick one thing that you don’t really want to tell people about, and you find someone and you tell them, you don’t have to do the thing you’re terrified of telling people about and you don’t have to tell Unsafe people necessarily, that you might build up to. They’re just the thing that you’d usually keep to yourself, because there’s no reason to share it and you’re uncomfortable sharing it, find someone to share it with. Get it out once and get it out again. And again. I’ll tell you this, you take the thing you’re most ashamed of see how you feel about after sharing it 100 times with 100 different people. See if you’re still ashamed of it, and you’ll see what I’m talking about. Lesson number two that they did not teach you in school. I can’t believe they don’t teach us in school, how to manage your money. They go understand managing money isn’t just about getting rich in some materialistic way. Money is just a representation of resources. Money is just a placeholder doesn’t even exist. It’s an IOU note for goods and services traded, but resourcefulness is a critical life skill. Your own Do you require resources to live once you have a family require resources to keep them alive. Your ability to negotiate resources will be the determination of a lot of your quality of life. And modern times. This means being good with money. What I’ve learned because I spent the last two or three years learning to master money after being terrible with it, my entire life came to understand the mastering money is not only a set of simple principles that anybody can follow, and it’s just basic mathematics. But also, there are deeper lessons and these principles for all life. So I’m going to share the 10 rules of Babylon, from the book, The Richest Man in Babylon by George Claisen. And not only I’m going to share these rules, I’m going to share how to interpret them as life lessons. And if you go and practice these 10 rules, you can be guaranteed to not only be good with money, but be good with decision making in general about the resources in your life. Rule number one, keep 10% of everything you were in keeping means either saving or invest saying that as you do not spend their money. So if I make $100, on a day, I take 10 of those dollars and either invest it in safe investments, or I put it in a savings account, right? swap it for a piece of gold and keep that in a safe. Either way, it does not ever get spent. Now I can invest it, let’s say I take that $10, I put it into the stock market, it comes back as $11, I still have to take 10 cents from that extra dollar, put it back into the investment. And then I’ve got the 90 cents to do whatever I want with but the $10 must remain in the investing account never gets spent. Now the life lesson here is yes, protect yourself first. And you delay gratification. Right before you go serving everybody else take care of your own needs, and do so in such a way that is in your best long term interest. Number two, control your expenses. The stupidest thing that most people do with money has been more than they earn. If you’re watching this video, there’s a good chance you do that. Because you’re that as the majority of people. And I can’t believe that isn’t at least a five minute lesson in high school saying oh, by the way, don’t spend more than you weren’t. How was it not taught once in five years of fucking high school, stupid, there aren’t even good courses on it in university, except for maybe accounting. But I know accountants who still aren’t good with their own money, they just Google their clients money. And our chief financial officers who have been in the business for decades in r&d Just now stand to learn how to manage your own finances. So once you put your 10% aside for investment, whatever is left is all you’re allowed to spend. Now, we won’t go into credit cards right now there is actually a smart way to use credit cards, but it must still be used in a way that you never spend more than you earn, you always top up the credit card, and so on to get certain bonuses. But don’t worry about all that right now. For now, know that you cannot pre spend money that you don’t have. If you can’t afford to buy it now save up and buy it later. Simple as that. The life lesson there, it’s pretty simple. Don’t do more than you can handle doing. And that’ll hurt you in the long term. Whether it’s how much you work out, and whether that’s how much extra tasks you take on at the office, whether it’s how much you’ve been over backwards with your partner, don’t spend more than you earned don’t expend the energy you don’t have, you should always be full of beans doing whatever you’re doing. If you’re not, you need to go back to reserving your energy. Number three, make your savings multiply. Never have money just sitting there or resources just sitting there There should always be aimed at coming back with more, there should be invested in some way. One thing you got to understand is inflation. If you have money just sitting in a bank account, it loses value over time, because inflation always goes up, the value of your dollar always goes down. So saving isn’t really saving, it’s actually a kind of spending 510 grand sitting in the bank account next year, it’s really only worth $9,900. In the year after that, it’s really only worth $9,500 I’m actually spending that money by having it sitting there, I need to be making about a 5% or 6% Return on my interest, just to keep even with inflation. So if you’re not investing your savings, you’re losing money right now. Make sure that when you do invest successfully, whatever you invest gets reinvested. Like I said, if you make $1, put 10 cents back in, and you can spend the other 90 however you see fit. But always try to get the compound interest going. Alright, you’ll find that money escalates in this beautiful, magical way. If you keep investing your profits, the life lesson here as always do things in such a way that benefits you. Right? If you’re going to do a job you don’t like at least try to get the free training courses out of it. If you’re going to date people that you’re not really into at least practice honesty and courage. Always make sure everything you go out to do comes back. As you being a better person. If you engage in activity, you can’t think of any way to make that beneficial to you for your own growth, stop doing it and do something else. Listen, number four protect your money from loss. Most people when they do go to invest, they make stupid risky investments. Like I can’t imagine the number of people right now who have all their savings in a single cryptocurrency. That’s not good investing. What you want to think of straightaway is how do I always ensure the principal and that is the amount you initially invested? How do I always make sure no matter what happens, I get my money back. Now you need to talk to people who understand money to learn about this, you need to read books, there’s some I can recommend, just email me dan@brodo.org Or check out my financial course. And I’ll give you all the information you need about how to invest in a safe and secure way and take the right amount of risk. But your investment advice should always come from experts who are very successful and not money hungry wolves or friends with good intentions. Low experience, and you never make investment decisions emotionally, there should always be a rational mathematical risk assessment. What’s the life lesson lady think, if you gotta take risks, do what smart, learn from the best copy what they do and diversify, get a lot of different range of expert experience and guidance and mentorship. And do the wisest thing you can figure out doing. Don’t listen to your friends who don’t know what the fuck they’re talking about. Don’t read random articles on the internet written by people who don’t know what they’re talking about. Go to the successful people find out how they did it and repeat the methods. Number five, pay off your debts, but don’t kill yourself doing it. Good rule of thumb is about 20%, the first 10% of what you were in goes into investing, and the next 20% goes into paying off your debts. Key here, of course, is understanding that debts have interest a quick you pay them off, the lower the interest, the less you pay, in total, to amazing how many people don’t do this calculation and they get a long term mortgage, and they don’t realize they end up paying double what the house is worth because of interest, they can’t do the maths. So you got to be smart with loans, you want to pay them off as quickly as possible. And unless you really understand what you’re doing with money, you want to avoid getting a loan unless it improves your life to do so. Getting a loan to buy a flash car is a stupid idea. Getting credit card to buy clothes as a stupid idea. Getting a loan to invest in your business, that’s maybe a smart idea, getting a loan to go and do a training course that might be a smart idea, because at least you come out of being a person, never get a loan where you don’t clearly benefit in the long term from it. Because a life lesson here is about being honorable about what you owe. But without guilt tripping yourself into self sacrifice. Listen, number six, insure a future income. Look out for tomorrow’s version of you. You know, the money you spend now as money stolen from that future, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t spend any now you just need to have some thought what he needed. When it comes to finances, if you’re planning to retire, you’re going to need cash flow that keeps coming your entire retirement. It’s scary when you calculate how much that is for the average person, it’s in the millions. So if you’re looking right now at not retiring with millions, you’re probably not going to survive your retirement. So you need to start thinking like they’re How do I create cash flow? How do I create money coming in every month that when I retire or keep coming in investments, your own business online products, there’s lots of different ways to do this. But the key is protecting your future self. And that is the life lesson here. While you try to enjoy your life as much as possible. Now, keep half an eye on the future and think what’s he going to need me to do now so that he has a good life. Now, you don’t want to go too far with that, where you constantly have a terrible life trying to protect the future. Because then you don’t get delivered at all. You want to find that nuance balance, how do I have a good time now and a good time later? Rather than how do I have an excellent time now and a terrible time later, or terrible time now and hopefully, I get to enjoy it later. Number seven, increase your earning ability. The easiest way to make more money is to become a better person. It’s pretty simple. Get smarter, get more skills, get more experience, constantly look to make yourself a better person to hire, whether that’s as an employee or as an entrepreneur, consultant, whatever, constantly tried to make yourself a more skilled, more valuable person, your investment should go into your self development more than anything that I’ve never spent more money than I have on receiving coaching and doing training courses and books and everything like that. My self development has taken a huge majority of my income. And for that reason I keep getting more and more income. Simple Life lesson here. Invest in yourself in all things. Your own development should be your priority focus at all times. However you do there, whether it’s eating healthy and exercising, getting coaching and reading philosophy books, starting around business challenging and facing your fears. Whatever it is every day should have some tasks designed to develop you not just stay the same as James clear see his action, not just motion. Rule number eight gambling always favors the house. Stupid investments are basically any when the risk is stacked against you and the odds are against you. There’s a reason casinos stay in business. They’re designed so that you lose over an extended period of time. Even the machines are rigged in such a way where they’ll give you a win early so they get the sunk cost fallacy and then they’ll take all your money later. So lottery risky investments, get rich quick schemes, ignore all of that shit. It’s all crap. It’s all crap. Everything you do should be the safe kind of boring, smart way. Think of Sunsoo in the art of war never go into a find that you’re not guaranteed to win. Number nine, don’t hesitate to take advantage of good opportunities. Most of the time, it’s missed opportunities, opportunity costs, where people really lose their money, good investments, safe investments, good ideas, that they could put money into good businesses that they could join a great job offer. Most people let the stuff skip by because it takes a little bit of risk, or it’s a little bit uncomfortable. And that’s actually the losing money in doing that. So learn as much as you can on the principles of investing and how to do it well, so that when a good opportunity comes up, you know the difference between that and a stupid high risk, and you’re able to take that good opportunity. It’s what lucky people actually are doing when it comes to finances. They’re well trained, looking for good opportunities, and they act quickly. The life lesson is of an unexpected opportunity comes up and it seems like a good idea, do it. Don’t hesitate just because it’s unexpected. And because you had a different plan, somebody suddenly pops in your door and saying I’m going to go traveling around Peru Do you want to come I’d have to take time off work. But if you want a trail run through, just get on pack my bags, I’ll figure out the details later. Right, grab opportunities when they come up, because the good ones are rare. And the bad ones happen all the time. So when a good one happens, grab it, even if it means upsetting your comfortable life. Lesson number 10 diversify. The safest principle of investing is making sure you don’t have all your shit in one basket. It should be that if any of your investments collapse, you don’t get too badly hurt. Think of a table with lots of legs, you should be able to take out a lot of those legs before it falls over. If a table is sitting on one pole, and you hack it at the whole table falls over. Most people invest in these kinds of ways they might have all of it in buying a house, for example, all of it in a few stocks on the stock market or all of it and cryptocurrency or all of it sitting in the bank. I mean, any one of those things can be taken away from you by Just some fluke of economics or politics anywhere in the world. You want to make sure that any investment you look at you go I could lose it as long as the other ones are okay, this applies to more than your investments, you should be thinking about your income as well. If all of your income comes from a single stream, if you could get fired and lose all your income, that’s a very dangerous position to be in. The standard employee is the most at risk person, and yet they feel the most safe. Why? Because they’ve got all of their income coming from a single source, they rely on their boss or their CEO to do their job, right? That company collapses you’re out of a job. So make sure that if your company collapses, you’re fine financially, make sure you’ve got different streams of income, they don’t all have to be equally strong. It should just be that there’s enough to support you should one of them for and this diversification is another life lesson. So one will finish on, spread out all your sources, spread out all the things that you rely on. So if any one of them has taken away, you don’t fall apart, right? If you’re all in on your partner, and you’ve got no friends, guess what happens when your partner divorces you? You’re fucked. You’re all alone. You should have had friends all along. If you’ve only got one gym that you go to, how are you going to exercise if that gym closes, you should know already how to do a workout at home you just have some weights in the cupboard. Always have backup options in case something becomes unreliable because you know what things are unreliable people unreliable, live with this truth rather than hoping it doesn’t happen to you. The next big thing that I can teach about in school, creating healthy relationships and dating skills. There’s a longitudinal study that I’ll post the link to that found there. Basically, the best source of happiness in a person’s life is to be in a happy, healthy relationship. So why aren’t they teaching that at school? Fact, if I recall correctly, they didn’t teach us shit about socializing. In school, there was not a single lesson in high school university that I least was aware of, that taught you how to interact with people in any helpful way. Now, relationships dating These are complex subjects and a short video is not going to cover everything you need to know. But there are some principles where if you learned to live by them, giving yourself the best possible chances to create good friendships, to have us fulfilling sex life to maybe find a partner or multiple partners that will satisfy you for the rest of your life is what I’ve learned. Number one, probably the most important principle, fill your calendar, doing things that you love, and doing the most social version of them that you can think of doing the sports that you love the hobbies that you love the activities that you enjoy. Fill your calendar with that stuff and if possible, try and do it with other people. Don’t try To date and try to get a partner, this kind of behavior creates neediness, which only repels those things, including trying to make friends. Stay, just do what you love with other people who also love it, you’re starting off with the highest possible chance of a connection, because the two of you are into the same shit. There’s a good chance that somewhere within that group of people that you’re doing it with, as a person who’s really good for you. Next principle, start as honest as possible, be prepared to let people hate you let them judge you let them think of you as weird and awkward, whatever it is, all you’re doing is just pushing away people who aren’t right for you. This is nothing to be afraid of getting rejected by someone for who you really are, is a good experience for you. And might not feel so good. But it means you’re getting rid of someone who would have been bad to keep in your life, how can you think of that as a failure. So if you’re honest about who you really are right up front, right out of the gate, with responsibility and courage and shamelessness not on poor me, I’m apologizing for who I am. But really just owning it, and just giving it to people, you’re only going to be left standing with the people who actually like you for who you really are, which means an effortless relationship, you don’t have to do anything to earn the love or impress them, you could be at your worst, and they still going to think you’re great. That’s the kind of person you want to end up with. And honesty is going to do all that work for you. With honesty comes a next principle, which is reciprocation, 5050. So a lot of people think honesty means you go and blurt out at somebody like they’re a therapist, man, they need a turn to talk as well, you need to listen to them as well. So everything should be kind of 5050, whether it’s a single conversation with us the household chores, or the parenting or the money, everything should be split in shared for a good connection with somebody. So make sure you’re constantly assessing everything about your connections from an individual conversation through to the grand relationship is everything balanced, doesn’t mean you have to all be doing the same exact amount of everything. But it should feel fear and balanced overall. So you might not do most of the talking in a conversation. But you’re both going to the same depth of honesty, and you’re both being as vulnerable as each other. And you might not do all the washing, but you do the cleaning. And you might not wash the dishes, but you do the cooking. So all kind of balances out, you got to constantly think of this balance, because you might think you doing more is a good idea because it makes your life better. But all it does is push them away, you’re oversharing while they’re under sharing, it’s going to end eventually, you have to respect yourself at all times, nobody can stay in a loving connection with you. If you disrespect yourself reciprocation is a great example of how to respect yourself and the other person. It’s also a great way to make sure that you don’t get stuck with someone who’s using you’re abusing someone refuses to do their 50% Get rid of them. Another principle, never try to keep another person in your life, don’t try to get a partner or get a date or get six. Instead focus on promoting integrity for both of you, which might include breaking up if needed. But the priority should be we both live with integrity. If that works well together, then we’ll stay together. But we’re not actually going to try and stay together. We’re just going to both be very honest and live by our values with each other. And if that works great, and if it doesn’t, that’s okay too. But the effort to strive to stay together usually just mean to compromise them integrity, which is a death sentence for the relationship in the long run. Next step is a seemingly simple one. But it seems like people really need to be taught this. Don’t tolerate abuse. If somebody treats you poorly, leave them get them out of your life. Now for those of you who have had shitty childhoods, and so on, you’ve known nothing but abuse, you’re going to be used to unfamiliar with it and feel a kind of pull to keep going. You’re also going to think well, this is just how things are. I challenge all of you to go and find the healthiest example of relationships that you can observe them closely. When you do go, that’s the minimum standard. If anyone treats me worse than what I’m seeing here, I’m going to leave them whether it’s a friend or a date or whatever, nobody should make you feel bad about yourself if they do, cut them out. Focus on becoming someone you’re proud to be rather than trying to get someone try to be someone that people would want to be with. And what I mean is not be faking some seduction way to attract people, but be a person that you would want to recommend to other people be a valuable person. Best advice I got was the the kind of person you hope your daughter ends up with. Right that’s that’s the advice I got about about dating this before I had a daughter now I’ve got one to see even more meaningful. Be the kind of person you’d want your own child to bring home with them. Right? That means you got to step up. You got to be this wonderful person that if your kid brought home a date, you’re like, Oh, yes, we got a good one. All right, to be that person. That doesn’t mean being a nice guy, people pleaser. Because actually, you don’t want your daughter to be with a person, like, who manipulates them. And there’s needy and whiny and uses covert contracts and all that kind of stuff. No, you want somebody who you’re going to feel that your daughter is safe word as it was honest with your daughters responsible, bold, has everything you need, and father of your grandchildren, that kind of thing, be their person. Ask for what you want directly and respond to requests honestly, stop with the gameplay. You don’t need to do that. I don’t know why everyone does that you don’t need to. You don’t need to be mysterious, indirect about everything. Because I want you I want this, I want six I want to be with you, whatever it is, you want to say that you want it without any sort of need to convince them into giving it to you just saying I’m just putting it out there. If you want it, pick it up, if you don’t send it back, right. And then when they tell you what they want, you don’t have to say yes to everything. Consider each thing and go, Yeah, I’ll give you there. But I’m not giving you that and just be upfront with them. And make sure there’s no guesswork and your ongoing relationship with the person, they never have to figure out what you want. And then never have to worry that you’re being dishonest about giving them what they want. They always know what your boundaries are. compromise on preferences, but not on values. So you might go to her favorite place to eat rather than your favorite place to eat. But you won’t eat unhealthy food just because she wants to this kind of concept where yeah, we can do some give and take as to our different preferences, what kind of music we listen to on the car, maybe we’ll do a 5050 mix there. Or maybe we’ll go to the ballet with you. And I’m not really into it. But I want to spend time with you. These aren’t major breaches of your integrity, right? That’s fine. But if she wants you to lie for she wants you to disrespect your body for she wants you to be angry and blame other people like she does, even though you don’t really feel that that’s true. Whatever it is, don’t ever compromise your values, it doesn’t mean that you have to end every relationship where there’s a values conflict. It just means you stand strong on values, but just soft on preferences. If you’re in a relationship, get a relationship therapist a good one that you both like and you both feel benefits relationship, even if you don’t need it yet. In fact, especially before you need it. Think of it like a personal trainer, you’re going to get the best out of your body. If you have a trainer all the time, even if you know what you’re doing. It’s the same with a relationship, you’re going to get the best out of your relationship, if you have someone who comes in at least every couple of months to give you some feedback on how it’s going and give you some tips to avoid some of the pitfalls so that something small doesn’t become a big problem later on. And lastly, most ironically, ignore most dating advice and relationship advice out there. It’s mostly crap. Okay. It’s mostly from people who don’t know what they’re talking about. Just spouting old gibberish that never made sense and never actually worked. It’s usually just designed to sell some dating app or some bullshit like that. No, find the healthiest relationships you can and ask those people. How do you guys do this? And you’ll see that everything I’ve talked about in this video is probably correct. Next big lesson that they didn’t teach you in school is confrontation skills. In fact, they taught you the opposite. If you tried to confront your teacher at school usually got punished. That’s not a good fucking education. Right? You’re being discouraged from challenging authority about things that you think are wrong. Anybody else see a problem with they’re gonna understand no one else is here to save you. Life is a negotiation. You either win or you lose or it’s a win win situation. If you don’t know how to confront, you’re going to lose. confrontation is about expressing the truth. It’s about getting your truth out there. Even if it’s going to ruffle up some feathers. That’s all it’s not necessarily about winning even assess making sure that you respect yourself by expressing yourself. Making sure that no battle goes on fought it you don’t surrender, when you could be fighting. There’s three things in this order that you should aim for the primary goal in a confrontation is to express your truth and respect yourself. If nothing else, at least get that part done. Even if you go crashing down in flames and everyone votes against you at least make sure that you stood up for yourself to if possible, if you’re working with somebody, you can achieve the scope for a win win outcome. It doesn’t mean necessarily compromising yourself but trying to find a way for this confrontation to end where you both walk away being glad that it happened. But three if you’re up against someone who’s unwilling or unable to meet you at their win win situation, at least try to not lose. Stand up for yourself, stand your ground, hold strong. And make sure that if you’re going to lose the fight, it’s because they beat you not because you surrendered. So the key to a good company Phantasia has to express your truth boldly, concisely, directly and then step back, shut the fuck up, let them respond and listen with the same amount of respect that you’d want someone to listen to you. That combination leads to the best possible outcomes, you’ve got to let go of the need to win. So winning my beginning outcome you want, convincing them looking good in front of an audience sounding articulate. There’s all sorts of different versions of winning when it comes to confrontation. That’s not the point. Even if you end up looking stupid. The point is to express your truth and go for that Win Win outcome. A key thing done stand with confrontations, there’s never a right time to do it. Most people are too agreeable and don’t stand up for themselves because they just doesn’t seem to be the right segway, the right introduction, the green light to go ahead with this thing. They never is. When you confront properly, it’s going to feel like you’re throwing a bucket of ice water into a harmonious situation, like you’re ruining the mood, or this wasn’t the appropriate time, it’s always gonna feel like that. So just do it anyway, is never a good time, for example, to tell someone that you cheated on them, there’s never a time of day, that’s going to work out well. Same as I’ll tell them at 3am in the morning, or seven o’clock over breakfast, or whenever it occurs to you to tell them because there’s not going to be a bit of time in terms of how you confront some short preparation, and then be very clear and concise. Short preparation means look, I got something to tell you might be a bit uncomfortable. You might want to take a seat. It’s a short preparation, no more than a single sentence. And then tell them concisely, not the big long winded story with heaps of suspense and all these unnecessary characters and it’s all sugar coated and you’re not really sure what the fuck is actually been talked about. Just given the raw cold facts. I didn’t like it when you did this, or I was upset with you. And you did there. Do I disagree with you on that opinion. Just again, it could be a single sentence. That’s how concise a good confrontation is. If you’re talking for more than a few minutes, you’re overdoing it. It should also be only a single point, you don’t confront someone with a battery list of all their grievances all at once. Just choose the one that matters most dismiss the rest and focus only on that one and do not punish them with other past crimes. You came here with one thing to talk about, stick to that one thing and make sure that they do too. Now no blames or accusations here, alright. Your decisions in your life lead up to this moment. So when you do a confrontation, there’s none of you made me feel or you cause me harm. That’s not true. Your decisions bought you to the situation. So that harms you, it’s your fault. So when you go to express yourself, make sure you take responsibility for you. So when I saw you do that, I got upset, not you upset me. I responded with being upset. That’s me. Maybe I’m too sensitive, I don’t even know. I know, it’s not your fault. Because the fact that you’re even in my life as a result of my decisions, right? It’s like the craziest thing being angry at your child for them breaking a glass or something like that. It’s like, do you had the kid? What did you think was gonna happen? You can’t blame the kid for you delivering the kid to the world. So anything that happens with their kid as a choice you made. So you can say, look, it gave me a big frame that upset me when you broke the glass, the USA, you’re a bad kid for breaking the glass. The heat the kid didn’t ask to be born take responsibility for your decisions. So little framework in users, like when I observed whatever the thing is apology. And when I saw that thing, I reacted with whatever emotional response and narrative that you had. And you might give them a little bit more because I have a tendency to do this, or I have a belief about this. So might be like when you broke the glass I got shocked and upset. Because you know, I’m so fussy about things being tidy. You see how easy that is to receive. I’m taking total responsibility for it while still confronting your behavior. But at no point am I attacking you personally because this isn’t really about you. It’s about me, allow a discussion if the other person’s rational and compassionate, but do not fight or defend this. The other person counter attacks just let them wash past you like water. In fact, the first reaction should be basically ignored. Maybe your confrontation is to talk about an issue that you brought up if they counter with another issue that should be a separate conversation. And I like to say we’ll park there and be like yeah, I can see you’re upset by that we’ll come back to that after we’ve discussed my thing we’re just going to park there for now. So you keep coming back to that initial conversation that you want to bring up look if they want to have a discussion feel like I’m not sure it’s really fair that you’re in front of me about that but I’m open to talk about it someone go have a discussion with like, Well, you did this and you’re a boo boo. conversations over move on come back after the heats died down. Which brings me to the point of never take the initial reaction seriously. When you give someone a confrontation, most people are untrained and because especially In Western society, we’re so scared of confrontation that nobody gets enough expertise. And so when you confront people, you’re going to get the worst out of them some of the time. And you can just kind of brush it off as like an initial shock reaction, what you really want to measure is not so much the reaction to your confrontation, but the ongoing behavioural change that happens afterwards. Do they behave better? Do they respect you more? Does it Is it some sort of indication that they’ve taken you seriously, and they’re going to work with you on this thing, because even somebody reacts well to the confrontation might not change their behavior, it might just be a manipulation on the part. So ignore reactions and look for ongoing behavior. And here’s the key thing to think about confrontations. No one who’s healthy, confident and good view is going to react poorly to you confronting them. Keep that in mind, a healthy, confident person who’s good fuel to keep in your life, as never going to punish you for confronting them. Even if you do it poorly. Even if you fuck it up, they’re still going to be like, Alright, I’m listening, you know, they might disagree with you, that’s not a punishment, they might have a different point of view, that’s not a punishment. But if they then attack you, or guilt trip you or try to harm you or take revenge in some way, you can step back and this person shouldn’t even be in my life, problem solved. Next thing that school didn’t teach you, or at least you don’t get in high school, you might with the right degree, get it in university. That is critical thinking and logic. I didn’t do a paper on critical thinking until my second year of my psychology degree. And I assumed that only the psychology degree and maybe a few others actually has their paper, imagined a critical thinking doesn’t serve for so many of the other degrees. And when I did that course, it just blew my fucking mind. I can’t believe that I was learning it that late in life, I was learning how to think properly in my 20s, I should have been learning it when I was five. Critical thinking doesn’t mean being critical. It just means thinking things through carefully to try and find the accurate truth. And most importantly means understanding a simple truth, your brain doesn’t work properly. When it comes to making decisions and forming beliefs. Your brain has what’s known as cognitive biases in logical fallacies. And that means that interprets evidence incorrectly and comes to wrong conclusions. All of our brains do this all of the time. And to become a very wise person who makes good decisions you need to be actively countering against this problem. If you think your brain is good at taking in information and coming to accurate conclusions, you’re fat, because it’s not. Now I’m not going to cover all the different cognitive biases and fallacies because you can go and research this stuff that takes you on the steps or recommend. The main thing you just got to start with is this principle, I can’t trust my brain with information, I have to take active steps to clean that information up. So before it comes to making serious decisions, or forming beliefs, or taking a side and an argument or joining a group, you need to assume that the wiring in your brain has to be fixed and countered before you make your final call it whatever you’re feeling impulsively pushed to go towards is probably not accurate, you might end up still going there. But first, you need to look at some other things to make sure that you’re not making a mistake. Now there’s lots of different cognitive biases and such and so on. But I want to cover kind of the worst ones and how to counter them. Now the worst ones, in my opinion anyway. First one is confirmation bias, which is you’re wired to believe what you already believe, even if it’s wrong. Guess you’re looking to confirm your beliefs not challenged them, you’re skewed constantly towards confirming beliefs, which means going to pick out evidence that suits the belief you already have. And ignore evidence that proves it wrong. So you can see how you can get into believing something that’s very wrong, just by choosing little bits and pieces that sound like it’s proving it right. Next is what I call legacy beliefs. I don’t know if that’s the official term, but that’s the bliss handed down from your parents and your peers. So when you’re young and impressionable, you got told what to believe. Whether it’s Santa Claus, or religion or racism or whatever, you get past a lot of beliefs before you even have a chance to go away. There’s that right? Because your brain hasn’t even fully formed yet. Legacy beliefs are probably the most damaging we have in our life. We carry on the traditions that we’ve learned without going why is this a tradition? The Bandwagon Effect is essentially when your group or goes to ward, something that echo chamber that you’re in or agrees on something you jump on board with it just because you want to stay in the group. This idea that because a lot of people believe in something what’s called social proof that it must be more true. Simple factors, of course, that I always keep in mind. There was a time when Everyone believes that the earth is flat. Now only a very small minority of people believe that. So was it ever true? No. So you understand that whatever group, you’re part of whether it’s as small as your family, or as big as the vegan movement, or whatever it is, you’re part of, you’re going to feel an urge to go with that group, even when they’re wrong. So I’m going to give you some of the best counters. Okay, so this is ongoing education, I’m not going to really cover it in this video, might point you how to cover it, because it’s a really extensive piece of education that you need to put yourself through. The one is the obvious one, study what’s called cognitive biases, and logical fallacies. A little Google search or YouTube search will get you started. There’s lots of great stuff out there for free. And you can learn about what they are and how they affect you. And you can see examples of it in your life. And as you start to see it taking shape. You’ll feel your brain resisting against it again, oh, I don’t want to acknowledge this. Because you realize shit, I’m wrong about a lot of stuff. I feel like I’m right. But I can see how I come to the wrong conclusion. And how dangerous that is and how often I do it. The more you learn about the stuff, the less affected, you’ll be by it. When you’re getting information from other people challenged them to back up their claims with evidence as a practice and argument practice called Hitchens razor, named after Christopher Hitchens, which is any claim made without evidence can be dismissed without evidence, which means you don’t have to disprove someone who didn’t prove what they claimed anyway, if there’s made a claim without any proof, you don’t even need to talk to them about it, just dismiss it. You find people gonna download information onto you all the time. Until you start going, how do you know that for sure? Where’d you get that information? Can you cite a study that proves there? And you realize a lot of the time like, really huge percentage of the time, people are just talking shit that they made up. And once you realize that, you’re gonna be like, Well, where do I get my information from? Always assume you’re partly wrong and look out for that, but that you’re wrong about but at the same time, assume you’re going to feel like you’re right. So the thing you’re wrong about is often the thing you feel very right about, that’s the most the biggest blind spot that we have, the thing you’re really sure about is probably thing you’re really wrong about. So you kind of hold on to that understanding and look for it. Look for the evidence that makes you Oh, God, maybe I’m wrong about that. So you have a kind of humility at all times i No matter how sure and arrogant I feel about that piece of information, somewhere out there something that’s going to make me look stupid. Now, where is it? I should find it before it hurts me. Have a general principle, evidence Trumps feelings, no matter how strong you are, somebody else feels that something is true. If the evidence says it’s not, you’ve got to go with the evidence behave according to the evidence rather than the feeling. Scientific Method trumps the majority. So no matter what lots of people believe, put it through scientific method. First, has it been tested? Has it been reviewed? Does it hold up and experiments? Does it keep proving itself to be true? Or do these people just join together in a belief, and there’s really no good reason for them to be doing so? Understand that every human yourself included, can and does lie. We read stuff on the internet, especially reading stuff on the internet, we hear it on the news we hear from our friends and family. And we have an underlying belief like they wouldn’t lie to me. Right? Not that many people have that dishonest that often. Wrong. People lie all the time. They don’t even know they’re lying. Very few people are telling the truth. In fact, the most truthful thing any person can say at any given time is I don’t know, it’s about the only truthful statement a human being can make a fully truthful statement, because we don’t really know anything. So as soon as somebody is saying anything else, you’ve got to have some uncertainty about even what I’m saying to you right now. You gotta think How does he know that when you get that information from is he lying to me? Is he just doing this for his own gains? I don’t mean should be super suspicious of people all the time trying to manipulate you just be a bit skeptical, but like, we’ll see if there’s proof for that before I buy into it. So someone said it and they’re passionate about it. And I like the person doesn’t mean that and the truth. Always remember you’re gonna feel compelled to keep the belief you’ve already set a wrong even if you’re wrong. So you’ll notice yourself falling into patterns we let’s say for example, you are a liberal, politically, you’ll find yourself always going the liberal route with every issue even when liberal was wrong on that particular issue. fully accurate person would spike between liberal and conservative depending on the issue because one of them is more right than the other. They’re not always right and always wrong. So you’re gonna notice that you always feel compelled to keep what you already believe in. And that that is a danger to you. So whenever you feel are really strong about something, just always ask yourself, Oh, if I’m wrong, how would I know it, and then go look for that information. So on that point, all of your research should include looking at opposing views. Imagine that you switch from your side of the story to completely believing the other side of the story. And then you go down that rabbit hole. So let’s say you’re trying to figure out what’s the truth about the war in the Ukraine at the moment. And right now, you’re really like, Fuck Putin, Russia’s wrong. Imagine you’re like pro Russia and do that research. Just to get a more nuanced view. You know, you’ll find, for example, that the Ukrainian prisoner has a lot of red flags, there’s a lot of things that he’s done that are pretty fucking dodgy, and that the Ukraine is one of the most corrupt countries on earth. And it kind of gives you a bit more nuanced. Like, as Russia, the bad guys, Ukraine, the bad guy, they may be both bad guys, I don’t know. As long as you get to, I don’t know, you’ll know that you’re being as accurate as you possibly can be. Because I don’t know was honest. Thinking you do know is dishonest. Remember, the higher the emotion, the less accurate the belief. So if you’re feeling really strongly, you’re outraged, you’re offended, you’re passionate about something, there’s a really good chance you’re wrong, at least about some key points and the other issue. So try to, like challenge any belief that you feel strongly about. Right, you’re far more likely to be accurate if you’re just cold and calculated. And just kind of like, these are the facts as they lie. Lastly, commit to getting it right rather than being right. What I mean is, rather than winning the argument and looking like the person who’s right or being on the winning team, trying to find the accurate information, the odds are the most accurate information doesn’t belong to any group. Usually, once a group forms, they already start to have confirmation bias and bandwagon fallacy, they start to dismiss counter evidence and they get whatever the opposite of nuance does, they get really conservative, and they get really stuck on a single idea. Generally, for being really accurate, you won’t belong to any groups, you’ll be too nuanced. If you can see all the elements or the sides to the story, you’ll see that there’s truth and lies and all of them and that you’re somewhere in the middle, trying to find the point of accuracy. Right at that point, you’ll probably be on your own. And that’s a good sign that you’re looking at accurate information. Alright, the final lesson that they didn’t teach you in school, there’s others I could have thought of, but I can’t be fuck doing a longer podcast on this. And that is disciplined in product of creativity. Now, despite the fact that they do teach art at school and artistic pursuits and creative pursuits at school, and they do really structure and discipline students, somehow artistic creative people come out of high school without being disciplined and productive. They miss the fact that up. It’s mostly because arts are shit on by schools, aren’t they creative pursuits are seen as an optional extra that you should do in your spare time, that won’t make you any money. In spite of the overwhelming interest. That’s one of the best ways to make money. So school is full of fucking shit on this one. And you got to dismiss that squashing of creativity that schools put you through, you have to understand school was wrong about the creative arts very, very badly wrong. And that actually, the person who’s bold and willing to put on the work when it comes to creative pursuits, is more likely to be successful than the person who did well at school supported studies. Creativity isn’t just some wild thornless painter for splashing stuff against the walls and doing whatever they feel like requires discipline to be productive creatively. Think of it like a chessboard, you can move the pieces any way you want. But there’s rules about how they move and where they can go. And that’s what creates a good chess game. So creativity requires boundaries and structures and disciplines and habits. For actually the full artistic form to take place. If you’re just wild, you’re not going to produce shit. You’re going to face a lot of barriers to being productively creative. Mostly all the school conditioning stuff you can have shame about it, you’re going to think that it’s going to ruin you financially, you’re going to have fear of failure and judgment. You’re gonna feel like you should be doing something serious and steed, you’re going to feel like it’s wrong to have fun, so on not going to be able to cover all of those in a single rant, but bear in mind that those are all conditioned program problems that were given to you by school and by society and they are all fucking bullshit. Just look at Beyonce, right? I mean, just look at the artists who don’t have those beliefs. Look at it look at who’s that guy doesn’t spray paints things on the walls or whatever. It look at these people. mega mega successful never have to work a day in their life. Now they have structure and discipline that we’re going to talk about here but they just don’t have that shame bullshit. beliefs that school gives most people. So is how to be a productively creative person versus the ABCs, which in my business means always be coaching. What it means is always be pumping out content. Okay? No matter what quantity is actually the key to quality. Wherever you’re at former’s, you should be practicing it every day, you should be creating pieces every day. Forget being perfect. Forget getting it right drafts, draft after draft after draft. If you’re a painter or an artist, you should be doing at least one full picture every single day, even if it’s total crap, and it goes straight in the bin. If you’re a musician, you should be coming out with new riffs and new song lyrics every single day. If you’re a sculptor, you should be playing with putty in your hands every single day, you should be putting pieces out just pumping them out. I don’t know how many fucking hundreds of videos and podcasts are put out, I’ve done two books or two more on the way three more on the way. And pumping, pumping, pumping. Because all of this is your experience. It’s your education. It’s how you become a master of your craft. It isn’t about getting one piece perfect at the beginning. It’s about doing so many pieces that you end up being the master. Do it for you to avoid that fear of judgment. So whenever you go to create something, give yourself permission to not share it. And you might change your mind and share it later. But initially, just do a few just do it to practice your craft to enjoy the results. Whatever it is that you do it for. Without this pressure like this should make me money. Other people need to like this or whatever, maybe nobody else gets to see it or hear it or whatever, that’s fine. Give yourself that permission so that you’re free to create without restriction. Structure your art into your day. You know, Stephen King, the author is pumped out over 80 novels, he’s one of those prolifically published authors on earth, he writes every single day for at least a couple of hours in the morning, he has a structure that he follows. So he doesn’t actually write that many hours. He just does it every day frequently at the same time. At least that’s what he says. This is the key to being productive artist every day should have a chunk of time blocked out for you to do your art and peace and quiet without interruptions. And just pump out stuff all the time show up at the studio, no matter what mood you’re in, try to pump something out, show up again tomorrow. Repeat, repeat, repeat, focus on piecemeal improvements, you know, forget terrorists, maybe today will just focus on a slight deviation to your picking technique. Or if you’re an artist, maybe going to try a new different shade of blue to see how that works. Or maybe if you’re a coach like me, you might try and pick a more aggressive person than usual. See if you can coach them. Just constantly pick a tiny element of your art to work on and focus in on that rather than trying to be a better artist is this big general thing that will intimidate the fuck out of you just pick away at all the different elements of potential improvement that you can whatever interests you. I remember playing a song and guitar but I can’t quite get there as triplets. So I go to video like how do you do triplets and I had to spend a day doing triplets just so I could play this one song, attack it and these tiny pieces based on what you need to learn next, or what you want to learn next, rather than trying to become something big in the future. Constantly research successful artists, but not to compare yourself and feel bad about yourself. Because that’s a little trick artists like to do to give themselves an excuse not to keep going rather look into the history as to how they did it. How did they make it as an artist? What exactly were the steps from zero to hero at some point, they were just a kid playing around and the parents backyard or whatever. So they were zero at some point. And then something happened, they did something now what you’re going to find is very few of them are discovered overnight successes, almost none of them were you going to see is there’s patterns and trends to how they did things different to how you’ve been doing things. You’ll see that they for a lot of them. They didn’t get conditioned in that way from school or they got out of school early. So they weren’t programmed into thinking that there was something to be ashamed of, or they lived in a neighborhood that supported that. So you can think okay, let’s start with the idea that what I’m doing as Okay, as treated like there. And then you’ll notice other trends. They do lots of hard work, they courageously promote themselves, they get rejected 1000s of times, they create connections in the industry that break the rules of their art and do something new. And you’ll see well, they’re all doing stuff that I could do. There’s nothing about the path to success is some supernatural thing that I can achieve. And it’s not even really about good luck either. It’s about hard work and consistency and structure and discipline over time. That’s all I really believe that anyone with a natural talent in a particular art form could be successful enough to create a full time income from it. If they follow the principles that other artists have followed. It’s as simple as that in I think deep down you know it to be true, but you try to use other people’s successes like Excuse like, oh, they just got lucky and so I can’t do it. It’s bullshit, there’s a school conditioning like there should go, it’s not true. Create each piece of art for a single person, keep a single person in mind, try and make their day think of a gift you want to give somebody, you might never actually give it to them. Rather than trying to create something that will be popular or trying to create something that will make money. Just think of serving a single person. You know, you’re a musician, you know, somebody really struggles with anxiety. So you create them this really like, peaceful song that they can repeat when they’re feeling really anxious. You’d be amazed at how popular that song like the come. You know, when I create this podcast slash video series, it’s because one person commented, I wish they taught this in school. And it made me think a bit that person would like if I did a whole range of things they didn’t teach in school. So I’m making this for their one anonymous person. I’ll put it out to many more people just in case, but I’m willing for this to go unnoticed in history. I’m just making this one person because it makes me feel good. And it keeps me pumping stuff out, some of that stuff becomes very popular, some of the dies and internet death, it doesn’t matter. I’m just going to keep pumping out because usually I’m serving at least one person and that’s good enough for me. And lastly, and I think this is a good one to finish on. Because it applies to all the things they didn’t teach you in school. You have to face your fear of death every single day, you have to look in the mirror every day. And say if this is my last day, am I okay with the way I’m living? In terms of being an artist, you say, when I lie on my deathbed one day in the future, and I look back at today. And I saw that I chose not to do my art because I was too tired. How will I feel about that decision? Constantly remind yourself that you’re going to die, and that all the decisions you’re going to make are going to be reviewed one day as you look back on your past. I mean, you’re already doing it when you look back on your past. So don’t you want to be proud of those decisions? So the biggest thing school did not teach you was how to face your mortality and do what’s right rather than than what’s easy or what are numbs your work gets approval from society. I hope this podcast and series was very helpful to get in touch if I can help you further dan@brodo.org We talked about coaching or I can just answer your questions or whatever. I’ll see you next time. This is rojo online, masculinity confidence edit Tegrity