Comparing yourself to other people is the shortest path to Hell. In this episode, we join Dan and the BROJO crew on a webinar call about how to measure yourself without comparison to other people.

Dan’s Top Resources

Books

Dan has 3 bestselling non-fiction books available in both written and audio form:

• The Naked Truth, his latest release, shows you how radical honesty builds self-confidence and relationships
• Nothing to Lose explores how to build confidence from the inside by correcting the programming in your brain
• The Legendary Life is a very practical, action-focused guide on how to plan and execute a life plan that brings you your ideal lifestyle

Online courses

Dan continues to put out high quality online self-paced courses through the Udemy platform

• Nice Guy Recovery: how to transform from a people pleaser into a confident beast.
• Shamelessness: how to relieve yourself of the “not good enough” story
• Powerful Honesty: takes you through step-by-step development of your communication skills to be more charismatic and powerful in your honesty
• The 3X Confidence and Authenticity Masterclass program: use the famous 3X Model to build confidence in all areas of life
• Financial Freedom for Beginners: includes everything from budgeting, to getting a raise, to investing in the stock market, to starting a side-business and more
• Overcoming Your Fear of Rejection… Permanently!: covers the psychology of “rejection” and what actions to take to make yourself immune to the fear of it

Full AI transcript (unedited)

Already, we are live, check chickity check. It’s time to talk about how to stop comparing yourself to other people. Starting all on my own this time, that’s fine. So comparing yourself to others, there’s something that I’d say 99% of people with confidence issues do. And something that very few confident people do. At least not in the same way. So when I, when we talk about today, comparing yourself to others, we’re specifically talking about doing so in a sense of like how much worth you have as a person. So a confident person might compare how they are doing a certain dance step, in comparison to the dance professional, that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m not talking about comparing yourself to a role model to see where you might be able to tweak and make improvements on a particular competency. I’m talking about when you look at somebody else ago, they are better than me, they look at somebody else ago, they are worse than me, as a person, often because of some tiny differential in skill or technique. But it’s when you blow it up to me like I am less than them. It’s when any comparison to somebody else changes your confidence in yourself in any way, especially in a harmful way. And actually thinking of yourself as better than other people is harmful for you. And we’ll look at that today. I’ll start with a story. So we’ll come along and I’ll start with a story with it, Dave, with how this affected me. So comparing myself to others. There’s a there’s a great little example where I had a friend of mine who was at a friend of mine who was a tradesman and tradesmen for life from a tradesmen family. So he was excellent with his hands, he was good with cars, the eventually came to be a mechanic, he now owns his own mechanic shop. He can build anything, take anything apart, fix anything. And he was my best friend for a long time. And I was the academic kid, I was going to reading, I was good at all the stuff that school likes you to be good at. I did very well in school. And he would be he was not illiterate. But he was dyslexic, he struggled a lot with reading. So essentially, side by side, were two kind of opposite people. He was very practical engineering type person, I was very academic, artistic type person. He was jealous of my reading ability. He always felt kind of inferior, when it came to anything that required academia, reading, understanding scientific concepts, so on. And I was always jealous of his ability to fix things and do stuff with his hands. I always felt like less of a man around him. I always had to ask him like, where do I check the oil, you know, and I just felt like, so inferior to him. And so we had this concept with the two of us, we’re comparing ourselves to each other, and feeling inferior when we made that comparison. And yet, you can clearly see if you look at it from a distance, two things. One is, we were raised and trained to be good at different things. And secondly, at those times where we felt inferior around each other, we weren’t looking at our own strengths, were only looking at the other persons and comparing that to our weaknesses. Now this has got a safe, nice little example. This didn’t destroy me, or my confidence in any big way. But it did definitely have an impact. And I know it did for him too. He always felt stupid, because he couldn’t read. And I always felt feminine because I couldn’t fix cars. And this is what we’re talking about today. We knew when we talk about comparing yourself to others in a way that destroys your confidence. We’re talking about how you very carefully pick a specific virtue or skill or result and look for others who appear to be achieving differently to you in that specific niche. And then you make a judgment about who you are on that comparison. So you made this huge assumption. I am a weak man because I can’t fix cars as good as my friend can. This huge like personality assumption that takes place when you do this kind Have a comparison. That’s the kind of comparing I’m talking about today, I’m not talking about going, Oh, that guy is a little bit better at writing than I am, I want to learn from them. It’s like, he’s a bit better at writing than I am. So I’m a terrible person. Essentially, comparing yourself to others is a form of judgment. It’s either arrogance, you think you’re better than a person, or self loathing, you think you’re worse than a person. And we usually notice the second one. While we only noticed the second one, we’re actually doing a lot of the first one too. Okay. One of the things I found, especially when it’s working with nice guy and people pleaser type clients, is they are so blind to how arrogant they are. They’re very aware of their self loathing, they’re very aware of how bad they feel about themselves. But they’re blind to the daily judgments they make about how they’re better than other people. You know, even if you say, I’m a nice person, you are implying that other people are not. Right? How could you be nice if there wasn’t something to reference it off? Something nice, you know, if you say at least I’m very caring, you’re saying other people are harsh and uncaring. But we usually only notice when we lose the comparison, don’t we? And that’s probably also what what aggravates our arrogance, when we lose a lot we’re looking for who we can win against to kind of re regain some, some points. So this whole measurement system aggravates itself. Every time we feel like we lose, we look for win. And we constantly just comparing ourselves to others, moving up and down this invisible, imaginary hierarchy of people in hierarchy of worth trying to find out place. And there’s also this kind of grasses, greener thing. We ignore reasons why the other person might be doing better or more skilled in any way that makes sense a bit. Or any evidence that they’re not really doing better. Overall, we ignore all of that. In terms of enjoyment of life, so I might look at a guy as like, oh, he makes more money than me. I’m a poor loser. Without looking at does he actually enjoy being Richard? Does he enjoy his whole life? Does he live with value? Does he is he honest, as a young man of integrity, I don’t look at the big picture, I was looking my little niche. And I also don’t look, hey, he spent 20 years building this through lots of taking risks, and being courageous and being determined. And all these things I could be if I wanted to. I ignore all of that, too. I ignore the backstory behind this difference. And I ignore the bigger picture. When I make this comparisons, the grass is always greener. So essentially, comparing yourself to others is a form of confirmation bias, you’ve already decided you’re worse than other people. And then you go cherry cherry picking evidence to back that up. So I want you to understand there’s a circular, circular agreement here, you’ve already decided that you’re a bad person, in comparison to others, he looked for evidence to prove it. And then that makes you further believe that you’re a bad person, he’s gonna round around like this in a loop. And you’ll notice that you’re just all day scanning for how people are better than you. Just scanning for all day long, or at least a scanning for how people stack up against you. And all these very specific, arbitrary ways. You’re looking at your workmates to see who’s earning more. You’re looking at your friends to see who’s doing better with women. You’re looking at the guys at the gym to see who’s more muscular than you. You’re just constantly scanning for someone who’s better than you. And once you find that, there’s this kind of confirmation, yes, I’m less than them. It’s this kind of system where you’d have to be the best of the best of the best without any kind of denying evidence for you to actually confirm, yes, I’m a good person, you’d have to win gold at the Olympics, to be sure of yourself. Right. And that’s the problem with the system. Because even if you win gold at the Olympics, next year, someone’s gonna beat your record next year, next four years. The problem with this comparison system is even when you when you can’t maintain your wind, you’re going to be Besian. Younger, faster, fitter, stronger, smarter is coming up behind you all the time. So if your self worth requires you to be better than other people, your fact you don’t stand a chance. It’s impossible. It’s impossible. So as we go on, I want you to notice that this way of measuring yourself while you might believe it’s absolutely necessary, or that everyone does it or whatever you believe, understand it’s impossible. To win the system, it’s, it’s like entropy, you’re going to die, your confidence is going to die with this measurement system, if it hasn’t already did. So you’re placing yourself in a hierarchy of skills and popularity and achievements. And you’re deciding on your worth based on this. There’s a subjective belief coming in here, which is each person is worth a different amount of value. Okay, and you’re trying to figure out what your value is. So that’s what comparing yourself to others really is trying to figure out where you are in the hierarchy of value as a person based on very specific random comparisons of skill, popularity achievements. And it doesn’t work. And it’s feed also, by your judgmental arrogance. You compare yourself to someone else say I’m better than him better than her, all you’re doing is furthering the use of comparison as a tool. You’re just further conditioning and programming yourself to look for comparisons. And your brain is wired to be risk averse, which means it looks more for negative than it does for positive. So unless you’re a narcissist, you’re going to be if you’re doing any comparison, any comparing, you’re going to end up spending more time comparing against the people who are better than you. You won’t make a fear judgment. So you’re doomed, you’re doomed to lose. So before I go any further, I want you to just take that in. Notice how comparing yourself to others is doomed. There is no winning in that system. Because there will always be someone better, you can always find someone better. And even when you’re the best at something, you can find another area of life where you’re not, you will always be able to find somebody who can beat you. So next question is, why do we do this? What’s what’s to be gained? What once you think back to your childhood, anything that happened before the age of 18, basically, I want you to notice that school how you are trained to compete in very specific ways. With the other children, you’re trying to compete on skill, which was translated into worth, if you did, well, you were a good boy, or a good girl. You knows how you didn’t, you didn’t get your measurements based on how well you treated others, how honest you were, your integrity and the way it’s just based on how many other students you beat at a particular specific niche. And this was a cause aggravated by your parents and your peers, your peers would have told you, you know, you would have been popular based on how good you were at something. You know, my school, if you’re one of the cool skater kids, and you told teachers to go fuck themselves, that was kind of like a skill thing that you’re good at. You’re good at not caring and good at being cool. And so you’d be ranked highly based on that. Or if you were very good at sports, you’d naturally get popularity alongside it. How you treated others, how genuine you were, how reliable you were, how kind none of these things mattered. What mattered was how good you were. So you’ve been programmed from a very, very young age, to measure your worth as a person on competency. Okay, you’ve been programmed to measure how good you are based on how good you are at a certain thing as generalization your values, things like being honest and courageous and kind and respectful. These aren’t ranked highly when you’re when you’re young. Right? In fact, you can often get in trouble for them. So if you’re very honest with your parents, you get in trouble for things you’ve done wrong. If you’re very honest with your peers, you get ostracized for being a weirdo even though everyone else is thinking the same shared. So you get no no rewards for integrity when you’re younger. Being a massive rewards for skill base competency or for even sacrificing your values to get certain results. And this doesn’t stop and childhood. Just look at the media look at how the rich and the famous and the successful are portrayed as if they’re good people in your there can be completely untrue. And yet look at the absolute absence of stories about people who were kind or honest or brave These are rare. These are like little, like puff pieces that they have at the end of a new segment. But the main story is this person was rich and this person was famous and this person was successful. So we’ve all carried on that system from our childhood, have carried on this disease of you are as good as your comparison to other people in these very specific areas. So you can be kind and generous your whole life that won’t matter. According to some, if you’re not also rich and famous, or beautiful. We’ll get laid a lot. So just wants you to notice you’ve been conditioned to do that comparison from a very young age. But like how, you know, many, many people around the world once thought the Earth was flat, just because everybody believes this system doesn’t mean it’s good or true or healthy. We can all buy into a system that sucks. Human beings have been doing that since our recorded history. Right? Yeah, at one stage, all the Aztecs were on board with sacrificing young children to make rain happen. That doesn’t mean that was a good fucking idea. Right? So the idea that we’re all supposed to compare ourselves to each other, just because everyone believes it. The school the bandwagon fallacy, just because everyone else is doing it doesn’t mean detection, right? Fact even human history, if everyone’s doing it, there’s a good chance it’s not. So we’ve been trained to or we’ve trained ourselves to compete on skill and translate that into our worth as a person. And then, of course, on top of this, we have a risk averse bias. So our brains are looking for what is a threat. And socially speaking, that means better people. So if you’re in a tribe, and there’s limited resources, every now and then the train will kick out someone because there’s not enough resources, you want to be popular. Right? Now, we’ve still got that brain. So when I’m looking for risks socially, I’m looking for people who are more popular, more likeable, more powerful, more able to decide what the group will or will not accept. And I see them as competition, or as my potential judges and execution is. So my brain will naturally ask the next question, which is, how do I be good enough for them? How do I make sure I’m at least not at the bottom of the pack? Ready to be ostracized? How do I make sure I’m not the weird one, or the unpopular one or the unlovable one. So our brains are already wired to look for that, because that’s what kept our ancestors alive. You know, I always say the reason you’re alive today is because your ancestors were prophesied. Right? The brave ones didn’t live. But the world’s changed. We’re no longer in hunter gatherer a troops wandering around in the middle of the food chain. We’re in this completely different environment now. But our brains do not evolve that quickly. Mr. Think the old way. And so this idea of comparing yourself to others to figure out how worthy you are is probably a natural byproduct of our evolution, it once was important for keeping us alive. There’s also fundamental attribution error, you’ll look at someone who’s doing better at something. And you’re coming to the assumptions because they as a person are somehow better. So for example, if you start an art class and the guy next you just get better and better at drawing than you are the same amount of time and practice, you assume they are somehow better overall. They’re not just the more naturally talented artists with genetics that make them more likely to be a good artist, you just kind of just can’t compete with them. You see them as better than you. And you also don’t see the other guy sitting three, three rows back who can draw as good as you can you don’t care about that guy. He’s cared about this one next year, who’s better than you because he’s a better person. So that’s called fundamental attribution error, you attribute the success to a cause that you just made up the cause being they are who they are, and you are who you are. So it’s the same thing when you find yourself struggling like if you go to a new dance class, and everyone else seems to be getting the new step that you just can’t. Your assumption will be there’s something wrong with me in general. Not the more likely thing is everybody around me has a very good reason for why they’re picking this up quick and nine. Either their moods better on the night that genetic predispositions and make it easier for them to dance. They’ve had more practice than the blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. There’s a reason, there’s always a very logical reason why anybody is picking up something quicker than you. In fact, the most logical reason is they’re not even doing better than you, you just think they are. But you’ll think, no, they are better than me as people, because they’re doing better than me in this moment, by this very specific, nice judgment I’m making. That’s fundamental attribution error. So I want you to notice that as you go around, comparing yourself to others, notice the why story you tell yourself to explain who’s better and who’s worse. Because that’s going to be a huge, huge element of this. There’s also what’s called The Big Leap bias does extrapolation, when you look at someone’s success, and you assume only things about their life because of that success, like you might look at someone who’s making more money than you and assume that they enjoy life more than you do. You’ll make this big leap, you’ll see someone like you’re desperately single and you’ll see someone in a relationship, you assume that they are enjoying life more than you are, that then being in a relationship is better than you being single. You don’t examine the evidence with us. Only real evidence, just kind of what you guys want to see. But you’ll make these big leaps that, you know, I’ll see somebody who’s say, more socially confident than I am talking to people and you think he must have a better social life and it never occurs to me, he might only have superficial relationships, because he’s just going around being funny and actually feels very lonely all the time. Even though I’ve done that before and know what that’s like. I just see everybody laughing at him and enjoying his jokes. And I think his life is better than mine. So we did these big leaps. We think, you know, my favorite example of this, if you’re an athlete, Michael Phelps, the guy won so many gold medals, he probably couldn’t even hold them up at once. You know, he’s got the world record, I think for gold medals. Think about how many athletes were to compare themselves how many swimmers were to compare themselves with Phelps and gone Oh, my God, his life is better than mine. What happens after his last Olympics, and emergency has major chronic depression and he’s a drug addict. Wrong, because life wasn’t better, is decidedly worse. There’s a lot of people who’ve become famous and they report the same story, this kind of look at Martin Lawrence, or people like that. I just saw an interview with Billy Corgan, from Smashing Pumpkins. He says, Once you achieve a certain level of fame, like a million dollars in your pocket level of fame and success, you go mental is lose your mind. Because there’s no higher level to get to your brain just fucking fuses out. He says it was terrible, was an awful experience. So we ignore things like celebrity suicides, high divorce rates for CEOs, all these warning signs that being more successful doesn’t actually mean you have a better life. We know than to assume if somebody’s better than me at something. Not only are they better than me, as a person, they have a better life than I do. They have more pleasurable emotion in their life than I do. Now, that’s not necessarily that you’re wrong about that, but you don’t even consider the possibility of being wrong about that. Right? You look at your CEO, he’s in the position that you want to be anything I want to be home, but you don’t actually know that for sure. Being him might suck. One of the things I learned climbing the corporate ladder, if you will, not corporate climbing the ladder and Department of Corrections as I always thought the person above me enjoyed the job more than I did. Every time I moved up the run, my life got more stressful. I got to the point I’m like, I don’t even like any of this. But my doing. I’d been like driven forward ambitious on an assumption that going up meant better. I also assumed that people higher up than me were better than me in some way. When I got up to the top I found a lot of people who got there through absolute lacking integrity. They’d connived and manipulated the web’s top, I didn’t want to be like them. So I was wrong on both counts. Not only were they not better people, by my standards, they weren’t having more enjoyable lives than the more money in the bank didn’t actually make their life better. But these are the kinds of biases that we bring into this comparison. We’re not we think we’re comparing accurately that’s the biggest problem. Today, I compare myself to someone else’s as an accurate measurement of myself. When the only thing you can be sure of is that it’s not. Absolutely not. And of course, like I mentioned before the confirmation bias, before this even started, you already had low self worth. And you’re just looking to confirm why you feel that way. You’re looking for evidence that other people are better than you. You’re not looking for evidence of what people are in compared to you, there’s an unbiased search, you’re cherry picking evidence for people to show that they’re better than you. You’re doing this subconsciously and can’t help. But if you go into a room full of people, you’re not going to compete, it’s up to everyone, you just got to find and hone in on the people who are better than you by your standards. Look at that guy more popular Look at that guy better looking. You know, you’re not going to be like, let’s look at everyone. And everyone equally the same amount of effort, you don’t do that. You cherry pick. You also ignore your privilege. So anybody listening to this call is privileged enough to be on the internet, and have the time available to listen to a thing like this. That puts you in terms of quality of life by most standards above about 70 to 75% of the population of the planet. If you have clean drinking water, you are killing it. Right. But you don’t think about that, do you? That’s not a comparison you bothered to make. It’s not when you dwell on. You’re not like holy shit, I’m in the top 5%. And I’ve fucking Maximus out, you’re not thinking like that. It’s like the top 5% Looking at the guys in the top 4% are, he’s better than me. Because this isn’t a rational assessment versus a rational assessment just all day long. If I fuck I am killing it, oh, my God, I am tall. Yeah. If this was rational, you’ve got access to the internet, you can go have a look at how things are in Central Africa and the Middle East and the poor parts of Asia, you can see what top tough life really looks like. But that’s not what this is about. Okay. What I think is really going on here is, as I mentioned, you know, when you’re younger, you get trained to compare yourself to others, as a way of figuring out who the fuck you are. And that’s the problem here. You don’t know who you are in terms of value. So you have to rely on reference from other people. For you to figure out how good you are as a person, you have to look at others. So there’s an underlying question that’s being baked here. Why are other people being used as a reference? You think that’s, this is what you have to do if I have to know how good I am as a person, I have to compare myself to other people just make sense, right? But does it there’s a book called ordinary men. And it’s a book about Nazi Germany. And it explores a platoon of soldiers who used to be police officers in Germany. And so, before the war, they were just policemen. And they would have been a range of personalities, you know, range from good to evil, just normal group, ordinary men. By the end of the war, they were all mass murderers. So it’s a really interesting book to look at how it is that someone who you could identify with someone like that, who I am, can end up being someone who murders dozens of people every day, unarmed, innocent people, how someone could become that how you could become there any of us could. The reason I bring up that book is because if your identity depends on who’s around you, that’s how you can become that guy. What’s really interesting book is there’s a couple of exceptional people. Now, what the Nazis did is they said, look, you’ve got to go murder Jews, but we won’t force you to do it. Okay, if you want to opt out, that’s fine. You know, we’ve got a big room full of Jews do want to shoot every single one of them. But if it’s not your cup of tea, you don’t have to do we’re not going to force you. I mean, there was peer pressure, but it wasn’t actually like enforced, you’re not going to lose your job or anything, doesn’t make you sweep up or become like an accountant or something. What was amazing is they would make these offers to groups of 20 or 30 Guys, and only one or two would take the option to back out. So honey, and my interpretation of there is only one or two had a solid identity that was separate from the group. The I don’t care what you’re doing, I know what I’m supposed to do. And there isn’t this. The risk was so unsure about who they were that they look to the others. Of course, in that group are also the psychopaths who don’t wait to be told they’re going to start shooting some Jews because they’ve been looking forward to this their entire lives. And then the rest go wild. That’s what We’re doing and off they go. That’s an amazing read how guys went from nothing to mass murderer overnight. And then once they started, you know, it’s like their their karma is dirty now they can just keep doing it and keep doing it. But the people who opted out some of them, eventually gave them and started doing it. Others rebelled. They knew from the beginning, I don’t care every single other, every single other German is killing Jews, I’m not going to do it, it’s wrong. They knew that before the war, they knew who they were. So the reason I bring this up is if you’re comparing yourself to others, to figure out how good you are what you really are trying to figure out who you are. Because you don’t have a solid idea of what that is, you must look to others for reference. Which means if you’re surrounded by really greedy people, you’re probably going to start trying to be as greedy as they’re gonna try and catch up to them. If you’re surrounded, surrounded by really kind and loving people, you might try and outdo them with kindness. The problem is, this, both of these both greed and kindness could be fake. Or at least the levels you’re going to. Because you’re just trying to compete with others without thinking is this even me? I mean, almost anyone who’s chasing money knows what I’m talking about. You’re not born wanting money. Someone taught you that. You know, born needing more than you need to survive. Someone taught you to need more than that. So if you’re chasing money, if you’re like, I’ve got to be richer than the guy next to me. Now ask yourself, Where did I learn that one? So I certainly don’t need it for survival. You know, when you’re a child, you know, like, I just want to be friends with people I like, I just want to hang out with the boy at my kindergarten, who also likes Tonka Trucks. Like we don’t want to hang out with the kid who throw sand in people’s eyes, as we’re hanging out with the with the truck, kid. But by the time you’re 20, like I’ve got to be popular. Why? Who taught you there? So I want you to just notice this because this was huge amount, like, up until I don’t know, maybe five years ago, my own life, comparing myself to others was my like full time job, and constantly assessing and reassessing where I sit. Am I the best in my class? Am I the the smartest in my workplace? Am I earning more money than my friends? Am I getting laid as often as my bear screen is constantly making these measurements. And whenever I lost, I felt bad about myself. And whenever I won, I felt good about myself. But what was missing from this is, Do I even want any of this stuff? Really? If no one else is around? If no one was watching me, would I still be going from? Like going so when I was home alone, I’d suddenly like Ah, just don’t have to compete anymore. Like I genuinely wasn’t into it. I just gotta force feed myself, I want to check in with you guys got a few people on the call now. You can use the chat box or if you want us raise your hand and I’ll be on the call for a chat. What do you think about what do you do like what kind of comparisons you make to others? You know, what seems to be important to you. And basically, how it makes you feel when you do this comparison. So really importantly, so what do you compare yourself to others will specifically like what’s the areas of life that seemed to be a big deal for you? And how do you feel when you make these comparisons? And to think about that, and share that in the group chat. One of the stories I was telling right at the very start was I used to compare myself to my friend who’s a mechanic. Now I would always feel less masculine and less manly, because he can fix things with his hands. And I couldn’t even fucking remember how to change a tire. And then he always felt stupid compared to me because I was very academic and he was dyslexic and couldn’t read very well. So let’s sit next to each other, both feeling inferior to each other. At the same time, which doesn’t make any sense objectively we can both be inferior. Yes, subjectively, it makes sense. What we cared about and compared ourselves on the both of us to lose, nobody got to win there. He didn’t care that he was good with his hands because he has always been good with us. He doesn’t consider that a string, I didn’t care that I was good at reading, because being good reading is just a constant in my life. I don’t even think of it as good as reading, I’m just, I read go on here. So I compare myself to my business partner who’s younger than me, because he has an equal amount of money. He’s an equal partner here and an equal amount of money. Sometimes it makes me insecure. What I love about this example is the younger than me think, like how that matters to you. So what we do is we find a comparison, we see that someone’s doing better by certain standard, and then we come up with a story to explain that, that makes us feel even worse. So your story is he’s younger than me, like age means that he’s somehow done this quicker than you, which makes him better and faster than you are luckier than you. And this is a really common story to look at someone younger than you. And think he got there first, you know, that looking at your own success, oh, we’re both doing well. So he but he’s doing well earlier than I did well, so I lose. Yeah, and the funny thing is, he’s got the arrogance. So he’s doing the comparison, where he ends up being the winner. And this is where we can see both people using the same system and coming into conflict. So he’s looking at age as well and going, I’m younger and doing well. So I’m winning. And you assume that overall, he enjoys his life more, perhaps, he enjoys being him more than you enjoy being new. Without seeing the obvious truth. He’s also comparing himself to others. So he’s fact it’s going to come home and kill him soon. If it hasn’t already. We often will be put off by somebody who was x actually proud of being better than us. And they brag about it, or they humble brag, you know, they kind of drop hints and so on without realizing are the poor bastard stuck in the same comparison system as I am. Which means he might be beating me in his world, but there’ll be someone who’s losing to that crushes them, just like it does me. So there’ll be some younger guy who’s beating me in business. He’s like, I got there two years earlier, the new blah, blah, blah. And we don’t realize when he gets home, and he sees his brother who’s more muscular than him and goes off Fuck, I’m so fat. Because he’s stuck in the same comparison system that’s going to lead them down eventually, the only people the system doesn’t let down and narcissists. Because they’re biased in the opposite direction. They’re always looking for how they’re better than people that don’t see how they’re worse. But I promise you, after many years of studying psychology, that narcissists do not enjoy their life. They’re actually in a constant state of misery, it’s impossible to connect with people if you’re better than them. So NASA says life is a very lonely one. Another one from a few more coming through. Apparently, this one’s a ridiculous example. It’s all about swimming. So if I’m the next line, the pool of hump faster than the person next to me, I’m better. I’m slower. Obviously, they’ve been doing it longer, because they’re better. And then I think what the fuck just wrong as well as you can. It’s not a competition, you chastise yourself. This is a great example. Because if you’re comparing comparing yourself to others, it just happens all the time. You know, unless at all just have all these ridiculous things like you’re swimming next to somebody you know nothing about. If you’re faster than me, like, I’m a better swimmer. They might be just taking it slow that day, maybe they’re working on their stroke technique rather than their speed. And then someone beats you. They might have been swimming for 10 years longer than you and have a coach, in which case you had no chance. And you don’t think they think oh, they’re a better swimmer than me. We know nothing about why we’re seeing what we’re seeing. And we make up this big story. And the story has something to do with how good we are as people. And doesn’t matter whether it’s something that seems worth comparing, like how good I’m doing in business or something ridiculous, like swimming next to someone at the public pool. We just keep doing it. Because this is not a rational system. You’re trying to make sense of something that is senseless. Yeah. And that’s what I noticed in my life. I’m like, I’ll be eating next to someone I’m like, Can I finish faster than they can? Am I a faster eater? I remember in high school, we used that pizza day. I come in with this real distinctly it was quite an emotional memory. We’d have pizza day and then we got to order a pizza. And some of the kids could eat a whole pizza and I Wouldn’t and I felt like I was a loser because of that. Because I couldn’t stop a whole pizza into my mouth in a single setting. And I had all my mates bragging, like I finished my whole pizza. How was that a measure of my worth as a person? How was it a negative measure that I don’t eat a whole pizza. I’m sitting there feeling bad about myself because my stomach lining can’t handle as much dollars my friends What a weird thing to compare on. And needed affected my self worth. I was embarrassed that I couldn’t finish my whole pizza. That’s how stupid the system is. You take it really seriously, when you’re comparing yourself to the guy who does really well with women or the guy’s good and business guy with the abs, then it seems to make sense. But actually, it says ridiculous thing as it is in the swimming pool, eating pizza, or any other stupid thing. You compare yourself with people to the biggest problem with the system as you take it seriously. You think it’s an actual measure of something that’s worthwhile to measure? You know, like how young you were before you achieved something like that matters for some reason. Once you think why does it matter? Why what’s the endgame of that will somehow prevent my death? I always think about this, like we’re all going to die. So this guy doing well at this thing? Is he less likely to die than I am? Because that’s what it is. Like, if someone is better was a woman than I am, that he gets to live forever. And I miss out because he got it. Like what the fuck am I worried about? Exactly. And it’s not a hypothetical question. Like what is the worry the if someone’s doing better than you? What’s the threat? You know, is there a judge that’s going to come around and go Ah, see lost, lost the swimming? When you’re having that casual swim? I’m afraid I’m going to have to kill your whole family now. Because that can happen. What is it that you’re worried about? It’s going to happen because you’re worried but you haven’t actually thought of what it is you’re worried about? What the threesome is got another one here. Feel like I have to be above all my friends finances belongings, relationship. If somebody feels better than me, especially in the areas where I’ve limiting beliefs, I hate that person. Instead of making a my inspiration, motivation. And also, you know, hating when you find out your partner had more sexual experiences than you in the past, that’s another great one, to comparing yourself to someone you love and ending up resenting them because of that comparison. In your resume resenting and losing connection with your friends, because they’re doing well. Can you guys at least see how unhealthy the system is? Because your biggest problem is you believe in the system. Your brain can make comparisons all day long without you taking them seriously. That’s not the problem, the comparison. The problem is you take it seriously needs when you look at your life and go okay, how has comparing myself to others affected my confidence and my connections with other people. You get a big pet in response, like negative, right? Put it this way, and it’s one of my favorite little arguments. If comparing yourself to others worked well for you, you wouldn’t be listening to me right now. You wouldn’t be on the school, you’d be living the dream. Right. I know it sounds like overly simple, but I really want you to just take this on board. The system is not something that you have no control over. You might not be able to stop yourself making these little comparisons. But whether or not you take them seriously and decide that they are a measurement of your worth that you do have control over. That’s what’s hurting you. I was at a party just the other day and there’s a guy that is really tall and has looked up and I was like fuck, it must be nice to be that tall. But what I didn’t do after that is go too short. I just let him be tall and enjoy being tall knowing that I’m something that he isn’t and he doesn’t get to enjoy that. Like I’ve had a life in New Zealand I’m sure he would love that everyone in check is obsessed with New Zealand. So he gets tall. I get life in New Zealand we even right that’s the big picture here. And even if you’re like okay that person in life has just gone from one win to another like I’ve got a one of my best friends. He’s what you just call incredibly lucky every Then just works out from every time something goes wrong, he ends up double winning from it somehow. I remember when we were in high school, he crashed his car and the insurance paid on double for it. And he’s just been winning ever since. Right? I could see somebody who’s been bullied all their life got no money, pain after pain, suffering up to suffering, looking at the sky and just being this is on fear, he’s, he’s a better person than I am, he has a better life than I do. And in one sense, it’s not that you’re wrong about that. But you’re missing the big picture, which is he does not have the benefit of your suffering. You don’t know, you can’t see your strengths. Because to you the normal. You know, let’s say you’re majorly chronically depressed. And you have to battle through each day. You think battling through each day is normal, to somebody who’s winning if they had to experience that it would destroy them. Because they don’t have your strength and resilience. But you don’t see it because it’s normal for you. I don’t see being able to read as a strength as someone who’s dyslexic or literate looks at me like oh my god. Right, because I don’t understand what it’s like to not have the strength, I’ve always had it. You get a lot of this with guys and brojo, especially as I look at people who have like had it easy, in some way, which is usually like very much misrepresenting the facts. But regardless, you look at someone that just kind of winning, you’ve always struggled anything, somehow they basically knew this stronger than you in some way. Rather than thinking they’re luckier than you. And without realizing that one day, they’re going to have heart ache and, and carnage in their life. That’s going to happen, it happens to everyone. That same friend I mentioned before just had his first divorce. And no divorce is fun. Now, he got through it pretty well. But I look at even someone like myself, who’s had a lot more apparent hardship than he has. And I think the divorce wouldn’t have crushed me as much as it did him. Because I’ve been upset before. I know what that’s I know how to get through there. I’ve had things not going my way before. Wise, those matters. He isn’t, this is a new one for him not winning. There’s a fragility to him, where he’s crushed by it. So for those of you who have like, felt like he never won, and you just have to battle for every little thing. I feel like that in business sometimes, like, there’s guys in my line of work, who some video goes viral or whatever. And they’re just superstars overnight, and they never have time to put in the effort and ever again. So it appears I’m lucky if one of my videos gets like 100 views, you know, and sometimes that gets gets to me on my arm and so easy. Everybody else just has this massive blow up. And I have to catch every drip in a bucket kind of thing. Now I look at myself, I’m like I am so used to losing that doesn’t even hurt anymore. Like nine out of 10 things I tried to work properly. It just doesn’t even bother me. I know people are one all the time something doesn’t work properly, it ruins their week. Because they’re not experienced in losing, like I am and I’m not as experienced in losing is like some immigrant from the Congo of Africa who’s been through nothing but Civil War their whole life. I met such a guy. And he has a good day, if he gets to go to the shops and buy something that says Dave, like sort of this, it’s like, I can actually like buy a jumper when I need one, life is good. And my dad actually gets to enjoy life a lot more than I do. Because his life sucks so much more than mine did. He’s got this different range, so much easier to be satisfied with with him. So I really want to I don’t even know how I got into this point. But you making this comparison without looking at the bigger picture without realizing that in every single case, you have a strength that they don’t that if they’re aware of they’re probably also be envious of. You don’t even see it as a strength. You don’t realize that it’s kept you alive up till now whatever it is, that has provided you with whatever small pleasures in life you’ve been able to experience. Even like a great example, as you guys hear, I mean, anybody watching this or involved with brojo is obviously into self development. I know a lot of people who aren’t, they’re quite resistant to the idea that they could improve themselves in any way. And because of that they get stale and they plateau and they ended up doing the same cookie cutter life that everybody else does. It’s not bad life. You know, it’s it’s the wife and two kids and the picket fence and the work 50 hours a week until you die kind of life. Fair enough you want to do that you can do there. They never get to like, find out how cool it is to like, you know, find a new skill that you didn’t know, you could, you could do to find some courage that you didn’t know you had you guys into self development get to do that. Right? These guys don’t. There might be somebody out there who doesn’t seem to need self development, or whatever. And they’re just rolling along. If they are, why do I need courses or coaching or anything this guy doesn’t, without realizing well, it’d be considered, maybe he’s missing out. But the point is that this comparison system is not rational. This isn’t a system that makes sense, when you actually look at the facts. It’s a confirmation bias of low self worth. It’s all this as you’re looking for reasons to prove that you’re a bad person. You’re not really comparing yourself to others. If you’re doing that, you’ll always come out kind of even. Because any Balanced assessment will find like we’ve all been kind of Delta’s a hand of cards, and some are good, and some are bad. They’re all pretty much even on that. The fact that we’re all alive proves it. We all had enough to stay alive. Some had more of this, and this or that, and so on. Like I know guys who just kill it. And business is so good with sales. They just, you know, they’re just winning, winning, winning. But they really struggle to connect with people meaningfully. So my bank account had zero, but I think now they have deep conversations all week long. They don’t. So we’re like even, you know, their bank accounts for but they feel very lonely. That all burn and balances out if I look at the big four picture. And also, if I take into account human nature, which is we are wired for dissatisfaction. No matter what you’ve got, eventually you’re going to have enough of it and what more it’s just a natural evolutionary biological drive. We need that to survive. So no matter. You look at someone like Dan Bilzerian, who has everything that every guy thinks he wants. It takes a couple of weeks of that before you go, what else is there? You can’t help it. It’s like there’s endless hunger that human being has. So whoever you’re comparing yourself to, there’s almost certainly as unsatisfied as you are, in general. Because they don’t see what they’ve got, like you see it. They just see it as this is what I’ve got and had for a while. What’s next. You know, it was amazing. When I met the guy from the Republic of Congo was he definitely it’s from, say, part of Sierra Leone, that’s where it’s like an ocean part of Africa as always by. So it’s from the end, used to be for him satisfaction was finding a meal. He used to run in this little orphan gang because his parents were killed in civil war. And so in middle school or anything, this is running around jungles, basically, where there’s a little group of mates trying to find something to eat and avoid patrols or soldiers and stuff like that was his life, which I can’t even comprehend. I’m like, I’m getting bullied for being a nerd. And I think that’s bad, you know? Anyway. So he’s, this is his life. Like, if I find something to eat today, today was a good day. And then after just a few months, after immigrating to New Zealand, he’s probably already like, my shoes are looking a bit dirty. You know, because there’s a spectrum range will adjust to his environment over time. So you’re jealous of these people, without realizing the inner experience is very similar to yours. And sometimes even worse, I have no doubt, for example, that Kim Kardashian has a worse experience than I do. After years of studying confidence, I know what signs of very low confidence look like and she’s fallen. Right? Nobody who’s highly confident tries to use a six tape to come famous. It’s just not possible. That’s just not how it happens. So I look at her with all her fame and riches and glory, and I think oh my god, it actually sucks to be her. sucks more than it does to be me. But we don’t do that comparison when we’re using the system because this isn’t really about comparison to people. It’s just confirming that you are the loser that you kind of suspect you always were. There’s more comments here. It’s read the surgeons great. So on he has as a child and teenager studying chess. I couldn’t really make progress. In the end. I was okay but not that great. I was continuously saying Look at that guy and look at that guy, but I was more about having friends there. And most players I know have achieved something. They really compare themselves to others and they To help them to push the limits. So what about challenging situations which could be in not just a sport, to our work, for example, the sound keeps working. Alright, so one of the things that drives us belief system is the idea that for me to be successful, I need to compare and compete. And once I have this, there’s some truth to that, which is, I will never run faster than when I’m racing against somebody. Okay, competition has this element that brings out like the highest performance and a person, you’ll be able to, because physically, you can do a lot more than you’re mentally limited to do. There’s some great science behind this. This is how like, a mother can lift a car off a baby, and you put her in the gym, she can deadlift, like 20, kgs, right. Because the actual limits not a new muscles, but a mind. Competition as a way to break through limits. You know, you think I can only earn 50 grand a year until you find out a guy just like you earns 100. And suddenly, you’re like, unlimited, you’re like, oh, maybe I could do. So I won’t say that. It’s unhelpful. But that is rational comparison to others, we’re talking about, okay, I go compete against better athletes so that I can be a better athlete, that’s got nothing to do with self worth. In fact, that’s actually self development, to challenge myself to grow. But when I lose the race, and go on the fucking loser, now I’m back in the old system. Rather than realizing, hey, racing, was actually an achievement for me, whether I win or lose, or essentially using my comparison to another guy to drive me forward, it doesn’t matter actually, what the result of that is, I’m just using it as a motivational tool. That’s a whole lot different to being like I have to win this race to be a good person. Chase is a great example. And Chase is pretty big, and Russia. And as a great social measure. In countries like Russia and China, you know, chess players are like superstars, quite often. The thing is, chess is almost all down to genetics. You know, basically, IQ decides chess. That’s a big generalization. But basically, the best chess players in the world are geniuses. Average, people just can’t beat them, they do not have a brain that’s capable of what they’re capable of. Just like I’m never going to play in the NBA, no matter how much basketball I practice. Right? I don’t have the genetics for it, or the history with it. I have to play basketball my whole life, and even a short guy in basketball, a six foot plus. And that top level, like I’ll just get destroyed. Right. So one of the things is, This actually reminds you one of the problems with this belief system is this idea that you should and could be good for the best at anything. And that if you’re not, it’s some sort of failure on your part. Without realizing rolled out certain cards or different body types, for example, some are going to be naturally predisposed towards success in certain areas. In fact, they all you know, I found that I’m quite good at manual labor, which is a shitty thing to be good, but I am. I have just like Scottish stamina. I can just work hard long hours that back without pause. It doesn’t do too well in the sports, but it’s very good for like digging holes, right? So I’ve got there yay, me. Because I’ve got a friend who’s like taller. He’s got their lanky strength, like, even though he’s skinnier than, like, toothpick. He’s stronger than anyone I know. And it makes them excellent, like all extreme sports. So he’s always gonna like motocross and snowboarding and surfing and everything. He’s just got the body that’s as good at all that stuff. And he’s good in like two minutes. Like, when I went snowboarding with him first time. What he learned in an hour took me like four weekends, of snowboarding, you know, within an hour, he was trying to do tricks. And I couldn’t even like do the falling leaf thing without falling over. You know? So we don’t even take into account genetic predispositions. You realize that’s, that’s a carb, you know that with Delta, we don’t have any saying. You know, I come from a long line of like, short squat, easily sunburned alcoholics, like that’s the card I’m down. Like, I’m gonna I’m gonna just have to play that card. I don’t get to rearrange those ones. And that puts a limitation on my abilities. So really does not my abilities from my own satisfaction but in competition with others, it puts a limit on it. This isn’t low self worth to say I’m never going to be the best at basketball because I’m not. It’s literally not possible. For me to be the best at basketball. I can be excellent at basketball by my own standards and thoroughly enjoy it. That’s possible. Don’t ever be the best. If you have a scene, there’s some some great stuff on Michael Phelps’s physiology. He has a weird skeleton. It’s an unusually, it’s a bizarre skeleton with these extra long arms and shit. Like if he got dug up in the future, they’re gonna think he has a different species, he’s just really weird shape, which makes them ideal for swimming. So other people don’t actually stand a chance swimming against him because he’s like, he’s closer to orca than he is human. Right, it doesn’t matter how good you are as a human, you’re not going to be better than his skeleton, especially when it’s well trained. And the same applies to anything. Social skills, making money, there, genetic predispositions, and childhood influences. There’s a great book you gotta read called tipping point by Malcolm Gladwell, which shows you that the reason some people are more successful than others, is so much more to do with things you never heard or never considered than what you think it would be. For example, nearly everybody in the Canadian ice hockey top league was born in a small fraction of the year, these months I think, is January to February, nearly every single person was born in that period of time. And that’s not a coincidence. It’s because that made them the biggest kids in school. They were always the oldest kids in their class. So they’re always the biggest in school, the biggest kids are always the best at sports, it’s not even a skill thing. It’s just size. So that means they always want that sports, which means they got taken on to the rep teams, and got the extra special coaching and training. So by the time they’re 20, they’ve had all this elite training, and everybody else has just been playing in their driveway. And that’s why they’re in the top league. You can’t compete with that. How are you supposed to compete with when you’re bored. You’ve got no chance the system is designed to support people born a certain time. And that’s actually the main factor. Because their whole if you expand your view out, see the whole life, that’s why they’re doing well. These are the things we don’t think about when we’re comparing with others. We don’t take into account all of these factors and come to the conclusion Holy shit. I’m doing as good as good as I possibly can. In my circumstances. This comparing myself to another person tells me nothing. Someone beats me in the race, or they’re wealthier than I am. All it means is their entire life was different to mine. That’s all I know for sure. Because if it was the same, we’d be doing the same. Right? This isn’t about worth it’s about the cards you doubt. So have a look. You just a technical note the volume shifts on Zoom. For some reason, I’m gonna have to find somewhere else to do this probably. But the volume is going up and down. That’s just the system. I don’t know why it does it. increases, I feel like failures and rejections are actually a blessing sometimes. Absolutely do you think get strong from success? I’ve made a video once about success is actually less than what you can do. There’s a great example of this. Who’s a really fast got Usain Bolt. There’s the last Olympics, I saw him and actually and he one by one everything, but I think it was a 200 meter final. And it’s coming up to the last like 30 meters or something. And he looks side to side. And he sees that he’s so far ahead that he can’t lose. And he slows down. And kind of like just gloats and like cruises over the line, you guys probably seen it when he wins race. He’s like, status jogging at the end, almost. I mean, jogging for him is still like, you know, 11 meters a second. But he just he just buttons off because he’s already won. He doesn’t try to go any faster than he needs to. And I remember being quite disappointed when I saw that. I was like, Well, why did he do that? Why is winning enough. And that’s a really interesting thing. Like, my small assessment of them based on a very tiny piece of evidence is that winning is what’s important to him not racing as best. Because once he got to winning, he just burned off. Whereas somebody who’s racing your best as important, wouldn’t even be looking at what the other people are doing. They’d be just trying to beat their own record. I even suspect and I could be wrong about this, that he deliberately slowed down so that he wouldn’t beat us on record. That wouldn’t have like a higher bar set that he can handle. Now, I’m not sure that that’s you know, I’m assuming assumptions here. So assuming intentions, which is really long to do. But I remember seeing him burn off and just go that’s something about it’s really not cool. On the other hand, it’s not a big deal. He’s enjoying himself, whatever. But it just shows you why he’s at the Olympics. He’s not there to do his best he’s there to win. I’m not saying that’s wrong. But if that’s what he’s there, then his whole system of worth is based on comparison to others. As long as he wins, he’s good enough was my system of worth which will you know, we’ll talk about soon I have to race my best. Even if I lose one right? That would be my system of worth. That I give it my own that I try to live to the most like and fullest available. Got a couple more here and then we’ll go on to how to change a system of worth. So KiwiSaver so Andrew heard someone talk about KiwiSaver when I had 15 years to go the other 25 anything until what? Retirement? I love that idea, like work a shit job. And then what? Okay, so you’ve got enough money so you don’t work anymore. And then you’ve got like, 30 years left, what are you gonna do next? Just like Scrooge McDuck on a pile of money. What’s up with that? You know, and just goes on saying, I realize that’s what I became. But I didn’t really want that. 25 years ago, I listened to my elders and betters, get a job, work hard, enjoy your weekends, in 30 years, you might be able to live like you want to, which did not involve money opposition. Here I am unhappy with life and searching for a way to escape the corporate grind. This is I think the true tragedy of the system. Just like the Nazis were trying to compete with people without asking, should we even be doing this? We saying of course being an artsy killer is worse than working nine to five. But is it in terms of cycling? And yourself? You know, I just did a piece if you guys haven’t seen lately on the Top Five Regrets of the Dying. No matter what list you look at the top five working too hard. Where do we get the idea that we need to work hard comparison with others knows how people brag about how busy they are. As if that’s a good thing. He knows that. Oh my god, run off my feet today. You’ll I won’t. Here’s your certificate well done. Good on you for not being able to manage your time and have an enjoyable life. Well done. You is your middle. Yeah. We don’t stop and think that we go fuck a bit of look more busy because they’re killing it. Right? We don’t stop and think well, maybe being busy sucks. Maybe that’s a shitty way to live. Maybe cruising along and enjoying yourself as better. Which would require less work. Maybe less money but more time. On Top Five Regrets of the Dying not spending enough time with family and friends. What a competitive people do neglect family and friends. And they get to the end of their life and they go oops. Too late. Yeah. This way comparing yourself to others while it might have some motivational benefits, what is it motivating you to do? Something good for you? Because being motivated to massacre Jews isn’t exactly a worthy goal. being motivated to work yourself to death just so the numbers on your bank account look high might not be the best way to look might not be the only option. And if it was satisfying. Why is it the bridge people can never be rich enough? You notice there? Why isn’t Warren Warren Buffett keeps working. The guy’s got enough money to retire an entire country. And then he’s still pulling like 12 hour days. I hope he enjoys working. I suspect he’s obsessed with winning and suffering. You know, sacrificing your enjoyment of life. I suspect being the richest man in the world has got to his head and he’s trying to keep that title. I see this with people who miss out on opportunities to connect. I saw this a lot in the pickup thing. But somebody had finally start getting more popular. And they would actually like miss out on friendships because they’re too busy trying to find someone else to like them. You know, they’ll be talking to some girl at a bar and the girl like him you’ll be like Oh, because I can meet tonight they’ll go find some more. Dude just go like super idea where you go and he’s just trying to rack up numbers. Rather than going well. I’ve got what I’ve contained here for connection with somebody. It’s make it work. I’ve got three friends that love me, why would I go seeking new friends and I can go hang out with these three. If you’re comparing yourself to others, you’ll I don’t have enough friends. I’m not getting laid enough. So let’s talk about a different way. I want you to just imagine, even if you don’t use my way, which isn’t even my way, it’s what I’ve been taught. But even if you don’t use this way, ask yourself, does your current way work for you comparing yourself to others, the way that you do is increasing your quality of life is increasing your self confidence. Not is it creating success, because that’s a dangerous measurement. Because you can succeed at killing Jews, that doesn’t mean it’s a good thing. You can succeed and making money, it doesn’t mean that you enjoy life more. So not isn’t increasing my results, but isn’t increasing the purpose of those results, which is to enjoy life more? Do I enjoy life more? One of the things I found with coaching is that, you know, when I was at my job before coaching, I made more money, you know, and it was easy money showed up and they paid me and I had to sacrifice my integrity to do a couple of things I didn’t believe in but basically, just money just pours into my bank accounts easy. The The upside to being academically gifted rather than good at fixing cars. But being a broke coach, far more satisfied. I never go back. Right? That means that once a week or so I have to look at my bank account who, right. But that’s a small price to pay for, like, can’t wait to get to work. When I wake up, rather than like flux should I call in sick, which I had to go through every single day in my old job everyday wake up like today a sick day, kind of pull it off. But my old job I just asked, like competing with other people to achieve something I didn’t even want. I didn’t know I didn’t want it because I’ve never done anything else. Because I’ve always been in the comparison game. So I want you to just open your mind, if you’re in the comparison game. Just a simple question isn’t working for you. If not, open your mind. Maybe there’s another way, even if it’s not my way, just any other way we actually get what you want, which is probably self confidence and enjoyment of life. Where I think you need to consider is you need a measurement of self worth that’s effective, more effective than the one you’ve got now. Okay, if your auto pilot is to car compared to others, and that’s not working with you need something that’s more effective than that. And if possible, something that requires no comparison with anything that you either don’t fully understand or don’t control. So when you compare yourself to another person, you don’t fully understand why they’re doing better. So you don’t really know what your comparison comparing yourself to, and you can’t control them. So you can’t control the thing you’re comparing yourself to. So you want something you can control and you do understand any measurement system, you talk to any scientists, the measurement system must be understandable must be controllable. There are no scientific studies that are just based on how you felt at the time when it comes to the measurement part. You know, you don’t get to mice to run a maze and you go, which one that I feel like won the race. You know which one won the race, it’s a miserable controllable system. Right. So if your worth is going to become something you can measure and control, then the system has to match them. Now one of the things I would put in the as this is personal opinion, so when so the advice section now, which you can take or leave, okay? Because that’s just what works for me, doesn’t mean it’ll work for you. But it’s just some insights that I learned from the comparisons. I don’t even compare to my past self anymore. I’ve learned that that was as delusional as comparing to a different person because I am actually comparing to a different person when I do that. Who I was in the past is not who I am now. So it’s a different person. So for example, if I’m depressed right now, and I compare myself to a time in the past where I was really happy and motivated. That’s not fear. Those aren’t even odds. Right? That guy is going to be doing so much more with that kind of energy than I’m going to be able to do with Mike level of energy. And that because a lot of people do this, those a, you know, I only compare myself to my past self. And they’re proud of that as if that’s a good measurement system. And if they stuck in the same problem, they compare themselves either to the bitter self or their worst self from the past. Which doesn’t actually give you a sense. So if I compare myself when I’m happy and motivated to when I used to be depressed, or feel like I’m killing it, when I might actually be plateauing and not making any progress. I’m just feeling good. Right. So it’s not actually a reliable measurement system for how well I’m doing, or how good I am as a person. So for a measurement system to be effective, it has to be fear, you have to have a chance to win every time. It has to be something that’s going to improve your self worth. And you have to always be able to win in this measurement system, win in a way that you earn, but as possible. If I’m always comparing myself to a faster swimmer, I can never win. But if I compare myself to a value system of determination, all I have to do is be determined while I swim, try my best, then I win, it’s always available to me. Nobody can take it away. It’s just up to me whether or not I do it. That’s a comparison system, I can always win. I can always control I can always measure. So you guys know me so you know where I’m going with us, which is values. Values of the system. Rather than comparing myself as a person to other people, as people, I compare my behavior to my values. I’ve trained myself to make this measurement. How does what I do compare with my values. To system I can always win, I can always measure I can always control. It doesn’t mean I always win. Because that’s also a system I can lose, but I have to make a choice to lose. So this isn’t some sort of bullshit positive system where I’m like always, uh, you know, participation award, you know, that kind of bullshit them in school these days, I have to try to win in this system. But it’s not impossible ever. It’s always within no matter how I’m feeling at any given time. I can always make my behavior align with my values if I want to, I can always put that effort in the results and the outside external circumstances always different. But like, being as honest as possible is always something I can do. Being as courageous as possible is always something I can do. Being respectful as possible, always something I can do. I don’t always do it. But I always can if I want to. So rather than measuring like, how popular I might, I might measure how honest I was. So I met the new person at the party. I was a bit anxious because I don’t know them. And they seem kind of really like dominant. Did I let them see that I was anxious or not. That’s my measurement. I don’t have to not be anxious. I don’t have to be popular. Has to be honest. If I’m not I will punish myself for that. Not harshly. I’ll say an ephah can lied. So if he was a chance being a good friend you missed out that was your that’s on you. Don’t do it again. This isn’t a system where I get to be, you know, patting myself on the back no matter what I do. I’ve earned my points. But I could have been honest. Right? So you have to be able to be done anytime. Any situation. There’s always chance to win and losing is just a lesson rather than by the way you guys have described comparing yourself to others, which, you know, lines up with the way I did quite a lot was a basically losing is almost inevitable. You’re going to lose eventually. And even when you try to win, there’s still somebody who’s better than you. So it’s just like an impossible system. And if you’re a narcissist and it’s reversed and he was winning all the time, and everyone’s worse than you then you don’t get to learn anything. There’s no lessons we’re losing. There’s no improvement. There’s no seeing what you could be this is also combined with like catching yourself when you’re doing the old comparison method, because I still do it. It’s innate in me. My my social anxiety to keep me alive from my ancestors. That’s still live. So I get to the party, I still scope out who’s popular, I can’t help it. But when it comes up, I challenge and question it rather than just believe it blindly, blindly. Someone seems to be popular why? First off, are they actually popular? I might just seem something I interpret as popularity. And if they are popular, why is the same example I went to a party the other night, there’s somebody who seemed to be well known by everybody. Rather going, Oh, my God, he’s a better person than me like I used to do. And I wonder why? I was a pretty good answer for that. It was his engagement party. That’s why he’s the one person in the room. He knows everybody and his friends with everybody. And it’s a special day. Problem solved. It’s not better than me. Right? It says, Good honor. I’m glad he’s got love in his life. Why is that? Why is that something against me? More that the merrier. If he’s if he’s a popular guy, he’s less likely to do harmful ship, probably. If he’s happy with loving his life. Good, that’s good for me. means there’s one less person on the street or mug me out of like repressed rage. Excellent. I went from that. You know. One other thing is you can reframe other people’s successes to their values, or lack of values. So someone’s richer than you might be because they’re living more by the value of determination and courage, the newer or a bit could be because they’re a scammy can’t. So then being Richard isn’t necessarily a good thing or a bad thing. It all depends on why they are. And if that’s because they are living by your values better than you are. And this isn’t a comparison problem. You’re not living by your values. You can’t say, oh, that person is richer than me when they’ve been more courageous than you. When you could have been that courageous, but you chose not to be. You can’t blame that on them. They’re just doing what you should be doing. Right. But if they’re richer, because they scammed and connived and manipulated people, something you never want to do anyway, then what’s the point in comparing with them? They’re not the guy you want to be. Look at someone like, I’m not getting political here. But I look at someone like Donald Trump becoming, you know, the leader of the United States. If I’m going to become a leader, at that level, I don’t want to be the way he did it. I don’t want it to be marketing and gloss. I want it to be on virtue, I’d rather never be a leader than be one, the way he became one. So he’s not a comparison for me. Whereas someone like the coach, John Wineland, who leads a massive community, because he’s so very, very honest and open and full of integrity, that someone I can look up to. And I don’t feel comparison and competition. It’s more like what Henry was saying before and he’s an inspiration of my art. So if I can just stick with this integrity thing. That’s what’s possible. And even if I don’t, I’d rather live the way he lives and say the way Trump looks. Yeah. So you guys to establish the values behind their success. If they’re richer, maybe they’re more disciplined. If they’re popular, maybe it’s because they’re more courageous and honest. If they’re good looking, maybe it’s because they take care of their health. This comes back to something you could be doing better, it’s got nothing to do with it. You could discipline yourself more, you could take bigger risks and be more courageous. You could open up and be more honest, he could put more effort into your health none of these things are unavailable to you can’t have the overnight suddenly catch up to them and their level of results that’s not available to you. But doing what they did to get there is and you have to decide whether that aligns with your values and just challenge every judgments you make separate facts from the assumptions and stories you tell yourself. Right. If someone did better than you what do you actually know about why that happened? Someone’s swimming faster you faster than the next year in the swimming pool. Do you know why their fastest woman are you just making up stories that how they made other than you same with the smallest woman? Do you know why slower? Is it deliberate? Is it the best speed they can manage? has actually been swimming an hour before you got here. You don’t know any of that stuff. And just acknowledging that you don’t know You know, I made a when I was really pushing myself socially. I was going around After the whole pickup phase, I went around just talking to anybody. So I’d go into the stream, I just pick someone at random and go talk to them. And one guy was a homeless dude sitting outside of cafe. I mean, he caught my attention because he looked like kind of he shouldn’t be homeless. It looked like me just being homeless sort of thing. He didn’t look all raggedy and miffed out or anything. So I want to talk to him. First thing, you know, surprise me is the American accent. I started talking about so individually judged him as homeless sort of thing and all the connotations of like, he must be what stupid other than me, like less lucky than the whatever the saints got talking to him. It turns out the reason he’s homeless is he made a mistake with his immigration, and now he can’t get out of the country and doesn’t have enough money to get out of the country. I’m like, fuck, that’s a mistake I could easily make now I have made that mistake. So that’s actually right. I got kicked out of Czech Republic for a similar error. But he was in an island country of New Zealand where he can’t just go walking somewhere. He’s backed. Go no family support no access to the internet because he’s got no money. I was just like, holy shit. That’s like a pothole anybody could slip into one false move, and you slipped through this crack in the system. And all of a sudden, you’re like, holy shit, I’ve got nowhere to sleep tonight. There’s nothing I can do about it. That was him. Honestly, uh huh. My original judgment was probably that I’m better than him. Now more accurate judgment is I’m not traveling as much as he is and taking as many risks as he is, that’ll lead to more accurate judgment. Which isn’t necessarily means that I’m better than him. I mean, him being homeless shows that he’s more courageous than I am actually. Because he’s willing to put himself at risk of this where I wasn’t not at that stage of my life. I’ve since traveled alone and taking greater risks. I don’t know if he inspired me exactly. I need just remembered him now. But the guy who I looked down on for being homeless, actually turned out to be a guy who was living closer to values ahead, maybe than I was. The lesson learned he paid a price because you can always pay a price. It doesn’t matter how well you live by your value, something’s gonna get you. Right. But then there’s also been humbled, because assuming again, please, can you guys help? I’m gonna power on the situation rather than like, fighting against that he just accepted a situation and did what he could. I was like, would I be humble enough to beg? I don’t know. If I would be as a floor of my character, I could die out of pride, you know. So what do you think is happening for someone who’s probably not what’s happening for someone, which means comparison with them is irrelevant. If you don’t know what you’re comparing yourself to, then it’s not a measurement of anything. Especially when you say someone’s better, what’s the final result? And the guy who makes all that money? What’s life like for him on his deathbed, as a better than yours? A sure of it. You know, I went to a property seminar, property tutors similar. One of those flashy things that they’re trying to get you to sign up to some program. There’s a guy who runs a classic deed, and he is some property guru guy, made tons and tons of money from flipping houses and stuff. And the funny thing was, and this I think that the only genuine moment he had in the day, the rest of it was just sales speak. But he talked about one of the reasons he was running this program, he coaches people to buy properties. That’s because he’s got no friends. Since there’s very heartfelt moment, which I actually believed he’s just like, Look, I’ve been doing this for a lot of years and I don’t know anybody in life this way. I get to hang out with people they do what I do, and I believe him. You know, I don’t think that was a sales pitch. I think there was a moment of authenticity I came through there this guy’s killing his bank accounts full what’s his primary feeling? Loneliness? Is that really something to be jealous of? And there’s lessons there too. People have what we think we want go ask them are they having the satisfaction that we assume comes with it because if not, we’ve got a question what we want you want to be really popular are really good with woman a sure that that leads to the feeling that you’re looking for. Because I’m friends with a lot of top Pickup Artists guys who get laid a lot a lot. And they still have like crashing waves, depression, crippling loneliness, loss of self, but put in the deck and a lot of girls didn’t cure that. And I learned that lesson. I was like, as I was going down that path, I’m like, Okay, I’ve seen a lot of evidence that this path doesn’t lead where I think it’s going do I have to go all the way down there to find that out for myself? Well, can I try something else by being honest? I’m so fucking glad I did that, like learn from their mistakes and like get myself out of the fantasy that they had a better life than I did. And actually ask them how are they? You know? Glass, all the variables taken into account, if experience technique, different approaches taken, genetics, upbringing, environment, desires preferences do you know all of that about someone when you compare that yourself to them? Because if not, then you’re just making up some shit. You know, he said before, like the guy getting my business partners younger than me, but getting paid the same amount sort of thing. Do you know everything that led up to that for him? And how it feels to be him? Do you know what it’s like to be inside his skin? My guess is no. You know what he presents? He might look really confident. For example, he might tell you that he loves life. But if he’s bragging, then he almost certainly doesn’t. It’s one of the things I love about being a confidence coach is I’ve just become my radar for confidence. It’s so accurate now. I’ll see someone everyone else thinks it’s confident. I’m like, That guy fucking hates himself. I promise you. Why else would he brag? Why would somebody is contained within themselves trying to get approval from others. So all those warning signs, all those evidence that you think as someone that’s enjoying my life better than me, you ask yourself, Why am I even seeing this evidence? Why are they showing it to me? What a confident person tried to show it to me? Yeah. You says sounds like Donald Trump has confidence that she’s Yeah. Most people at the top to not to confuse confidence with like narcissism, or it’s kind of like confidence can have all these different definitions. I don’t doubt that Trump thinks he’s an awesome person. But that’s more on that arrogance, narcissism level. He thinks he’s better than other people. And I’m sure it’s an incredibly lonely experience for him. And causes the image that is Trump and he has to maintain that image all the time. So whoever he really is underneath that orange dyed skin never gets to be revealed. And I’m sure that’s my only experience one has a few more comments. Ha isn’t as I miss them. Go on, I feel jealous young guys can get a pilot license, just under 50 hours, maybe 80 hours now and still struggle. This is a right. But you’re not comparing comparing yourself to the people who are too scared to ever fly. Notice that you are one of the few that were bold enough to try and get your license. Imagine how many people have talked about getting a pilot license and not followed through? Imagine the millions that you compare yourself to just a couple of people who did it quickly. Is that a fair comparison? Well, how does it stack up to your values at hours and still struggling? determination, persistence, courage. There’s a lot of integrity going into your ADLs gives a fuck how somebody else did 50. Right. The fact that you’re struggling shows that this is a an act of integrity. You’re going against it even though it’s hard. And even though it’s easier for other people, you’re still going notice the difference and feeling when you change the measurement system. You know, if you want to compare yourself to others, compare yourself to all the people who are too scared to start flying your ADLs ahead of those people. Notice how irrational that measurement system is. Another one here I once told a recruitment agent that I was more processed and outcome goal oriented. He slapped me down and said you must drop that only focus on results and outcomes processes are irrelevant. Only reaching the goals matters. I didn’t go back. Good. Recruitment advisor. Does that the position you’re jealous of Why are you taking advice from someone if you’re not thinking about how many times your comparison is by what other people say? They say you should want this and you should want that and you don’t stop to check. Do I want to Be that person has their life. You know, it’s really interesting for me when I went to start my own business, the heaps people say they shouldn’t do it. I was really actually quite surprised. I thought that was something you saw in the movies, I thought people were just generally supportive all the time because my parents always were when I want to start my own business, and my friends can’t turn on me, it was really shocking experience. And there are a lot of us comparison, you know, they nobody you know is good at it, blah, blah, blah. The only one person who was supportive and said give it a go was the one successful entrepreneur I knew multimillionaire. Semi person giving me advice that was actually lined up with my values was the guy who was living by my values, he had taken those risks. He was a go getter, as millions weren’t the point, as millions were just a byproduct of his endless determination, courage, risk taking, you know, and his ability to not give a fuck what other people think. Now, the same friends who are telling me not start my own business worship this guy. Because they’re always looking at the comparison thing where I looked at him, I’m like, Nah, he’s being the kind of guy I want to be. It’s not about the millions of everybody told him no. And he said yes to himself. Anyway, that’s what I like. That’s the kind of guy I want to be, I don’t care if it makes me millions, I just want to be the guy says yes to him. So that was a helpful comparison. I didn’t compare myself to his money, I compared to myself to his values, and realize that were the same as mine. Whereas my friends, I don’t know what their values are. But their advice certainly didn’t line up with my values, advice or be safe and just have a boring life and line up with what I think someone should do. As a post just a penis or ego extinction? Or is that just my arrogant assumption because I don’t want one. This is an opinion on my part. But what I’ve found is that the most confident people are minimalists. And I think that this isn’t a coincidence. People are truly confident in themselves do not need external validation. So the only time really confident person person would buy a Porsche is because they want to race Porsches. Okay, let’s say anybody else buying a super flashy, six symbol type car is doing it for approval from others. Right. Now, there’s probably some exceptions, like somebody always had a goal and they just wanted to complete that goal, perhaps. But when it comes to flashy cars, flashy clothes, extensions, you know, substantial displays of wealth, guys bragging about how much they get laid. Whatever it is, when someone’s trying to show you how successful they are, I’d say you’re pretty safe that your first assumption is they have low self confidence, not high. High self confidence. Mark Zuckerberg goes to work and T shirt and jeans, you never see a Gucci belt on that guy. Really interesting. See, someone like Jay Z as well. Back when he had a there’s a great little picture someone made of a when he was earning like $100,000 a year, he’s covered and chains and all this sort of shit. And then when he’s earning a billion dollars a year he is there’s actually a picture of him talking to Mark Zuckerberg in the address and saying, you know, he’s finally over it. He’s finally past that. I tried to look like he’s rich, and trying to convince other people that he’s successful. And my interpretation, he’s either still needy, but realizes everyone knows he’s rich now and can kind of be at peace with it, or more likely, he’s come to realize after a certain amount of wealth, that money doesn’t matter that much. You know, and so he doesn’t feel the need to show everyone that he’s got it anymore. He just wants to dress comfortably now, very much opinionated on my part. This isn’t like scientific fact I’m talking about here. But as someone who studied confidence for over a decade, I can safely say that very confident people. That I need to prove it. That I need to tell you about that I need to try and convince you. So one of the things is anybody trying to convince you that they’re doing well, the first question is, why are they trying to convince me if they can’t, for whatever they need me to give them a pat on the back or a thumbs up. He says Bill Gates, great example. Bill Gates has quietly goes around trying to save the world. He spends most of his time in Africa working on water projects and waste disposal and vaccines and stuff like that. The only time he publishes that is when he’s trying to promote that kind of works trying to get other people to do it. You don’t see him bragging or trying to get awards for it. Doing it seemed dressing up fancy or putting on like, an African like hat and dancing with the natives and getting a photo for fucking National Geographic doesn’t do any of that shit. Just goes about his work. Tell you what a great person to keep an eye on Keanu Reeves. That guy’s consistent. You know, there’s so many great mythological stories about him because of us. You know, people just meet him on the subway still catches the subway, he doesn’t need a fancy car. He still lives in a flat with like friends from his high school apparently. This guy’s got matrix money coming out the ass doesn’t try to prove anything to anyone just does what he loves for a living. You know, there’s so many stories of times where he was with someone, they ran out of money. So he rescued them sort of thing. There’s something I saw was pretty sure was valid and confirmed. How did it work, he made some money on the matrix. I can’t remember exactly what it is. But he sort of paid all of the backstage people a bonus, or something to do with that. Like they didn’t get paid or something and he paid them out of his own pocket. What’s amazing about that is he didn’t tell anyone he did this has actually gotten leaked by one of the other people he didn’t brag about. He just did it because it was the right thing to do. There’s a guy with a solid measurement system. He knows what he’s supposed to be doing. Right? There’s a guy probably doesn’t read the reviews, critics write about his movies, he just knows he did his acting. And that’s measurement complete. He doesn’t need to hear what other people thought. The last thing I really want to say on this is even if someone is better than you, how does that excuse you from living by your values? Why is someone being successful excuse for you to not do what you’re supposed to be doing? Because I suspect that this comparison measurement system, that’s a secret hidden agenda to get you out of shit. By can convince myself that someone’s better than me, and I’ve got no chance of competing with them. Suddenly, I don’t have to try so hard. I can give up and procrastinate and complain and wind and be a fucking victim like everybody else. It’s a nice little setup for that you notice comparing yourself lays a foundation to get out of the hatchet. Like being courageous and being honest, and doing the stuff that has to be done. That actually doesn’t matter if you win or lose. Andrew says, Hear from Moody Blues Do what makes you happy? Do what you know is right. There is nothing about comparing yourself to others that’s required there. But if you do compare yourself to others, you will probably make yourself unhappy. And you’ll convince yourself to start doing things that are wrong. So those are my thoughts how to stop comparing yourself to others simple answer. design a system you can pay your behavior to your values, and actively measure yourself against that system every day until it replaces the old system. And while you’re doing that challenge the old system every time it comes up challenge for accuracy, challenge it for factual raw data. Henry asked the big question if I do stop comparing myself to others, I feel I won’t grow. Watch what happens when you compare yourself to your values. When you realize you weren’t as courageous as he could have been. We weren’t as honest as you could have been. What yourself be motivated to change those numbers. Because that’s what the My biggest problem was. I’m like, my competition with others is what drives me forward. That’s where my ambition comes from. I thought if I don’t have that I’m just gonna sit around the couch like watching Game of Thrones reruns all day, you know, smoking weed. What I realized is when I had my values, the comparison system, I felt very guilty sitting around all day smoking weed, because I didn’t line up with any of the things I was measuring myself. I was getting zero out of 10 for all of them. And I literally put some time in my journal had an out of 10 measurement, honesty out of 10 Courage out of 10. Right. I was trying to up those numbers. It’s what led me to publish two books, and what led me to start my coaching business. That’s what led me to do all sorts of videos on public forums that get lots of hate mail and stuff. It’s pushed me to do some pretty incredible things. It’s moved me to Czech Republic. I’m getting married this month because of that system. It didn’t slow me down it sped me up, but it changed my direction instead of trying to get rich. You Trying to be popular, trying to live the life everybody else lives, I started trying to do this other thing because my values like demanding that I do it this way here you have no doubt, if you focus on trying to be determined and courageous, you’ll keep flying. But I also have no doubt if you keep comparing yourself to people who are earning their wings quicker than you, you’re going to lose motivation way. It’s going to add to the struggle, not decrease it. So remember what I see, even if comparing yourself to others, you don’t want to do my new technique. Ask yourself, Does comparing yourself to others work for you? Or does it make things harder? Because a lot of people they attribute their success to comparing themselves to others without realizing actually, that’s what made it so much harder. I succeeded in my career because I compared myself to others. No, you succeeded, despite comparing yourself to others. burning yourself to others just made you feel like shit the whole time. You didn’t need that to go further. Right. But there are some times where comparisons help. Like when I used to think, oh man, I can’t do pull ups that too hard. And I saw that David Goggins had the record and he did something like 3000 in a single day. I’m like, Okay, I’ll try some pull ups. You know, but it wasn’t like David Goggins is a better person than me. It’s my it made me realize that maybe pull ups are possible. Thank you, David. Not, you’re better than me. Right? Or when I made a coach, and he’s like, Yeah, I make 200 grand a month. I’m like, holy shit hub. FUCK DO YOU DO they’re not like you’re a better coach than me, but teach me teach me some shit. You know, and what I’ll always do when I have conversations with people like that is I also tried to give back to them to remind myself that I also have value. I just did a conversation with a coach just like that. He published it recently. We financially he’s doing a lot better than me in coaching. But I was able to help him with some honesty stuff. We swapped. We swapped strengths, the honesty thing that I now find easy to do, as his current struggle, the money thing which he finds easy to do my current struggle, so we swapped who wasn’t like who’s better? That’s like, let’s both one here that Henry, those guys who are learning to fly quicker, maybe they know something that would help you. Maybe you know, something that would help them? Maybe not. But have you had that conversation yet? Rather than sitting in a dark corner resentfully busily glaring at them, and they’re like, airline bar or whatever. Go have a chat to them Be like do Husky hours so quick. What do you know that I don’t Tim Ferriss is great for this as a role model, Tim Ferriss has made a whole career out of talking to people better than his whole podcast, all his books, that everything is just going to people he thinks are doing better than him and asking for their advice. The result is as successful as fuck dude, who lives by his values. PC, someone who’s better than me goes learning opportunity. That’s what he thinks first and foremost. He puts aside whatever his way is, and tries to learn their way. Because of that, now, he’s got like, 1000 ways available to member comparing yourself is not rational. It’s not some motivational system. Because it doesn’t make sense that D motivates you and it’s not based on any truth. Just to get out of jail card, it’s how do I convince myself I don’t have to do the hard stuff, technique, subconscious. But you can override it with a new system, see someone’s beard a new, go learn from them. One improve, give yourself a values challenge. Try to be more honest than usual. Try to be more courageous than usual. Whatever your values are. Last comment, I’ll wrap this up. In GCS, the last couple of weeks, I’ve started being more open and vulnerable, asking for help at work. And I’ve never had anything negative happen which I feared looking incompetent. And now they’re coming to me for help about things I know more about. This is a great, great example. That’s what I went through my work as well. I didn’t I have never wanted to ask for help because it would admit that I was somehow less than the best. And I started asking me how I was like, Oh, this is like free money. Like every piece of help I get I become a better person. Why have I been avoiding this my whole life. I was hanging on to the pride of being the best when I could go to other people who know more and then really become good. And then like in Andrews experience Because I was humble enough to ask them for help, they felt safe to come and ask me. And we just swap and then the two of us would win together. You know, I look back and my friends over there longer in contact with and think, fuck, maybe I could have taught them how to read and he could have taught me how to fix cars. And then we would have both known both instead of just send me a feeling inferior to each other. As Andrew says irrational fear held and held me back. comparing yourself to others is based on irrational fears. It is not a helpful motivational tool. Don’t believe me, spend a week comparing yourself to your values and trying to improve those numbers. And see if you need comparing yourself to others to motivate you. See if you can do it all within your own system of control. Alrighty, guys, let’s wrap it up there must be long. And thank you guys so much for showing up live sharing your stuff. And this topic is open to discussion, we can definitely improve on it and develop it over time. Compare it to other systems now. Let’s let’s keep having this conversation. Because I really from the bottom of my heart, I used to spend a lot of time comparing myself to others. And now I just don’t almost at all. And it is like a weight off my chest. It has not reduced my motivation. It’s increased it. It’s like I was dragging this weight behind the of everybody else’s achievements and then go there, wait, I can move a lot faster. I can make more mistakes. I can just get on with shit without having to win. I really believe because I’ve had the same experience with a lot of my clients that this can wait for other people to cool Thank you, Henry. He says I want to weigh your videos get less used and stupid. And all the other years? Well, because stupid animal videos are more entertaining. That’s fine. I’ve watched stupid no videos myself. That actually that’s one last thing I will ask for help was I don’t ask for this enough. But if you guys like something that I’ve put out there, please share it around. Just check it up on your social media page, send it to a friend by email, anything. I don’t ask for it. And I think people assume I don’t need it. But it does a lot for me when people share my stuff around. You know? So if you’d like something, please share it around only if you like it don’t have to do it just have some sort of sense of helping me do it because you really think other people should see it. If that’s the case. Um, yeah, it goes a long way from me, I’ll really appreciate that. I share my own stuff a lot, but that’s a self promotion. People can’t take that seriously. Already goes. resonated paid content. Now I’m talking about the free stuff. My YouTube channel, all that kind of stuff. Blog. Paid stuff that’s just for you guys to exclusive go to guys get to keep their own yourselves. Which this is one of those. Alright, let’s till next time. I will. Yeah. Let me know what other topics you’d like for us to have in these webinars. I’m open to ideas. And I’ll see you all in a couple of weeks. Sorry. Cheers.