I can yell at you, guilt trip you, gaslight you, and flatter you all day long. If it doesn’t change your behaviour, then no manipulation actually took place.

As soon as I can create an emotional state that you decide you can’t handle—which is a lie you tell yourself—and you change your behaviour to get away from that emotional state, now I’ve beaten you.

Managing manipulation means staying with uncomfortable emotions, even if it feels like you are getting burnt. That’s what it’s going to feel like, or at least that’s what you anticipate it will feel like. Actually, emotions can’t wound you physically; it just feels like they can.

Consider the following examples:

You’re sure you did the right thing, and somebody else disagrees with you.

Don’t say sorry.

Behave as if it’s been confirmed that you did the right thing.

Keep going.

Stay on track.

You find out that the loud extrovert is going to the meeting and you feel intimidated.

Still go to the meeting. That was your original plan.

Someone says you’re wrong, and then you realize they haven’t provided any counter-evidence to debunk you (they haven’t actually provided new information).

Well, then keep going, as if they said you’re right.

Someone threatens to take away your privileges or threatens to take themselves away from you?

Call the bluff.

Take a risk.

Keep doing what you’re doing and let them decide for themselves.

To dive deeper into this topic, check out the original video here: