I spent most of my life trying to please other people, feel happy, and achieve results.
It just seemed like the right way to live. I wasn’t even aware of any other way.
Yet I would feel this low-level anxiety, all day, every day. I barely noticed it, because for me it was normal. It was like being plugged in to the Matrix; I was suffering but didn’t realise I was suffering.
I was trying to make people like me, and I was actually pretty good at it, but I still felt disconnected from them. My relationships were transactional rather than meaningful.
I was trying to impress myself and others with results, achievements and wins. And again, I was pretty successful. I got good grades, I made good money, I won competitions, but it never fully satisfied me, I always needed more.
I avoided painful things and only did things that made me happy. I tried my best to make other people feel happy. Yet the good feelings that I was supposed to get just didn’t last.
No matter how hard I tried, true life satisfaction seemed to slip further and further away from me over time. I barely understood what self-confidence even was. And when I saw it in others, I felt like I was an alien, because they were so different to me.
Every failure crushed me, while every success was only a short-lived, surface level reward. I started to hate who I was.
One day, I realised I simply was not enjoying my life living the way I was living.
Sure, I had occasional highlights, mostly from social validation and achievements, but most of the time, life was basically a painful struggle. I started to question how I was living, and started to take responsibility for this problem I couldn’t yet see or understand.
I embarked on a path of curious discovery by asking myself the question “How are confident people different to me?”
Over the last 8 years I have been answering that question.
I’ve gone beyond the standard bullshit you see in the self-help industry today. I looked through the myths about needing to win, needing to look good, needing to be rich, and needing to get the approval of others.
How are confident people different to the majority?
They have Nothing to Lose.
I eventually came to realise that all of my suffering and dissatisfaction came from a single source: my neediness.
I was trying to get, keep and have. I was unwilling to lose the things I thought I had, even if those things were only fantasies in my head. I was unwilling to be hated. I was afraid of failure and rejection.
And the entire time, all I needed to do was figure out how to get to a point where I truly felt like I had Nothing to Lose.
These days, I coach hundreds of men and women every year to become truly self-confident, helping them to increase the positive impact they have on the world while simultaneously receiving massive internal rewards that require no external validation.
I’ve gone from being a people pleaser with little integrity and low self-worth, to being able to make powerful decisions without hesitation, connect deeply with people from all walks of life without caring what they think of me, and love myself even in moments of great failure.
My next book Nothing to Lose is about the secrets that were revealed to me in my journey.
There is a method to confidence, it is a way of living, and I call that way the 3X Confidence Model.
In Nothing to Lose, the first book in a trilogy, we explore part 1 of the 3X Confidence Model: Curiosity.
This book is all about managing the first pillar of confidence: your beliefs and how you think.
Instead of trying to control your thoughts, like most people try to do, we look instead at how to let go of control and just enjoy your mind as it is.
Instead of try to make the “right” decision, we look at how to let go of achieving results and instead make decisions that are aligned with your authentic core values, so that you’re proud of your behaviour, all day, every day.
Nothing to Lose is for the procrastinators, over-thinkers and worriers. It’s for anyone who wishes they made more powerful decisions.
If you feel hesitant or uncertain in your decision making, and just want to see yourself live with integrity, it’s time to look at how you think in a revolutionary new way.
Allow me to take you on a journey through the psychology that controls your behaviour, and invite you into a world where you feel free and powerful.
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