Recently I ran a seminar called My Life Story, where I shared a range of stories from my life about the lessons in confidence I had learned over the last 20 years.
As part of this seminar, I described the 6 Core Values of Confidence – which are the foundation of my 3X Model.
So, as a follow up from that, here are my top recommended resources to help you build each of these 6 values in your life. Some of these resources are mine, some are from those who influenced me, some are free, and some you’ll need to pay for. Enjoy!
CURIOSITY – “Your Beliefs Cannot be Trusted”
The value of curiosity is all about opening your mind up to discover the next level of truth. It means exploring what you believe is evidence to find the most truthful way forward. It means to make decisions based on a rational examination of facts, combined with an humble desire for more knowledge and understanding. The opposite of curiosity is believing your beliefs without question, making assumptions and forming biases without strong evidence, and refusing to learn.
My latest book Nothing to Lose [book]
Thinking Fast and Slow, by Daniel Kahneman [book]
How the Brain Works, by me [blog post]
The 4 Hour Chef, by Tim Ferriss [book]
Yes Man, by Danny Wallace [book]
COURAGE – “Fear Only Exists When There is Emotional Attachment to Outcomes”
Courage is about creating the ability to work with your fear when it appears you might “lose”. You cannot be courageous without fear, which may take the form of hesitation, doubt, anxiety, confusion, anger and panic. Courage does not mean being fearless, it means living by your values in spite of the feeling that it’s risky to do so. The opposite of courage is staying safe, comfortable and familiar, even when you know it goes against your integrity and will end with long-term regret.
Facing Fear, by me [blog post]
Anxiety is Awesome, by me [podcast]
The Big Leap, by Gay Hendriks [book]
5 Value Conflicts that Freeze Your Decision-Making by me [blog post]
Green Light Syndrome, by me
HONESTY – “Self-Worth is Created through Honest Expression”
Living by the value of honesty is about expressing yourself and taking actions in a way that aligns with what you believe is true. It means saying what you really think and feel, and doing what you really want to do. Honesty creates self-worth by affirming your authenticity – every time you’re honest, you tell yourself “I must be good enough”; every time you’re dishonest, you reject yourself. The opposite to honesty is lying (including “white lies”), hiding what you think or feel, pretending and performing without informing people you are being fake, and doing something you don’t like or don’t believe in.
Lying, by Sam Harris [book]
The Truth, by Neil Strauss [book]
Anything You Want, by Derek Sivers [book]
Let Them Hate You, by me [podcast]
Making it Easier to be Honest, by me [blog post]
ACCEPTANCE – “Connection Comes from Vulnerability and Releasing Judgment”
Acceptance is the mother of all feminine values, and is simultaneously about letting go of control and judgment while making a connection with the greater world. Acceptance is about coming to terms with reality; just observing without judgment what is true, particularly in reaction to the honest actions you take and expressions you make. Acceptance does not mean you always agree with reality, but it means you understand that there is only reality, and anything else you wish for does not exist. The opposite of acceptance is expectations, judgments, hatred, regret, hope, and clinging to false beliefs.
The Work (various videos), by Byron Katie
Letting Go of Outcomes, by me [podcast]
How I got a Girlfriend, by me [podcast]
Waking Up, by Sam Harris [book]
Dealing with Negative Thoughts, by me [podcast]
RESPECT – “There is Never Anything to Lose, You’re Already Complete”
Respect is about creating a silent space for truth to exist and for feedback from the Universe to enter your world. It’s also the place where boundaries are set and maintained, and your integrity is protected from temptation. This is where you allow others to speak, but stand by what you believe in. This is where you give space to measure your results and receive feedback, while discarding any feedback that will take you away from your values. The opposite to respect is aggression, defensiveness, ignoring results and outcomes, trying to win or not lose, and trying to complete yourself with something external (e.g. money).
How to Free Yourself from Regret, by me [blog post and video]
No More Mr Nice Guy, by Robert Glover [book]
Increasing Self-Awareness, by me [podcast]
Meditations, by Marcus Aurelius [book]
Balancing Investment in a Relationship, by me [podcast]
RESPONSIBILITY – “Your Decisions Create Your Life”
Responsibility is the father of all masculine values.Without responsibility, you will be a victim forever. Responsibility is about recognising that no-one else in the universe can create your life for you, that you must do it all yourself. This does not mean you avoid help, but it does mean you strive to make decisions for yourself, accept ownership of everything in your life, and be the leader of yourself. The opposite of responsibility is victimhood, blaming, avoiding, whining and complaining, waiting for things to change, believing yourself to be unfairly disadvantaged, and trying to defeat others.
My first book The Legendary Life [book]
Are You a Victim? by me [blog post]
The 50th Law, by Robert Greene [book]
A Beginner’s Guide to Self-Development, by me [podcast]
Outliers, by Malcolm Gladwell
Living by Your Values, by me [podcast]